Why is she the one that gets to be happy?

[Lostheart87]

It’s been over 3 months now since she left me for an older guy. I have not talked to her since and have no intention on doing so. Her family contacts me every now and then, saying how much they miss me and that nothing is the same without me, and that they actually don’t like the new guy (he’s 28 and apparently acts like he’s 14).

 

I am completely over her, I want nothing to do with her, and in fact I think I am still angry/hate her for what she did to me. I gave her everything in our 6 years together. I treated her like a princess and all she did to me was treat me horribly (everybody knew it too). So here is my question. Why is it that after everything that has happened does she get to be the one that is madly in love again right off the bat, incredibly happy, while I am stuck alone and looking for things to do half the time. I have friends of course, but I always feel alone!

 

I don’t get it! What happened to karma? If there was such a thing then she should have lost a couple of appendages by now! (I know that’s cruel but that’s how bad our breakup was) Why do I keep feeling like this? Right now all I want is for her to be out of my head, but all I keep thinking is that I want to see her suffer like I have and to go what I went through!

 

Any thoughts?

[vertigoxo]

Karma takes time, sometimes. At first, it's like the enemy is winning and is happy and all that shizz. But then, when you least expects you, you hear from the grapevine that their lives now suck and that they're unhappy, or something terrible happens to them or something.

[vertigoxo]

He was able to be with someone (probably anyone) immediately after we broke up. Yes, that hurts because I think to myself "how friggin much did I ever mean to him for him to do that?" But I think for someone (like him) to be able to constantly "replace" women, means he doesn't really value what love is. See.... I DO. And so, while I'm not with someone now, I have to make myself believe every day, that God is going to put someone in my life who values love like I do. Someone who would never abuse it the way my ex does. And when this happens.. I will be happy. And my ex will be off, cheating and lying and moving from woman to woman because he is shallow.

 

This. People who rebound over and over are not truly happy with themselves. They NEED to have someone on their arm because their self-esteem is so crippling and low that the thought of being alone drives them insane, even to the point of suicide. (I've seen it.)

 

He's not happy, OP. He's just having a "high thrill" like you would normally get when you try something new, like a drug or smoking a cigarette. In the end... It will end up hurting you more and most likely, kill you. (Hoping from one person to another will most likely end up in a charade of STDs and all the cute little critters in one's jeans. Think about that.)

[Lostheart87]

First thought.. you're not over her. You said you are completely over her.. but let's face it, you wouldn't be posting here if you truly were. It's ok though. I can relate and I feel the same way. My ex is out with his new girlfriend... and a friend of his whom I still keep in touch with said something to me, similar to what you wrote above. His friends don't like her.

 

When I say that I am over her, I mean that if she were to come back to me begging and crying for me to take her back I would only laugh at her and close the door. Infact she has already called me once to wonder if I would like to walk with her come graduation, but I didn't answer her call and sent her a very short text basically saying "no".

 

Now in regards to my heart being torn, then yes I am not yet over it. I still hurt and am angry at the fact that she threw 6 years into the gutter. I don't know how people are able to do that...but apparently some people can.

 

You seem young enough to where.. when you meet the girl who doesn't treat you like dirt... the one you may ask to marry you... you'll be so happy yourself, the thoughts of someone else's karma won't ever cross your mind. It'll come. Believe me, it'll come.

 

Its been 3 months of NC and 6 months of breakup...I am just waiting now. Believe me I am fine ATM being single...but I can't wait for someone to put that spark back into my life...

[greywolf]

OP, you are not happy because you are choosing to remain bitter about it. If she really treated you like crap, then good riddance. You could do a lot better.

[AutumnBorn]

....

 

I am completely over her, I want nothing to do with her, and in fact I think I am still angry/hate her for what she did to me. ....

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

I do have a thought. If you were completely over her, you wouldn't hate her. The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. Hate and love are both passionate emotions.

 

Oh, and being Buddhist I can tell you this - the karma from this life doesn't kick in until the next one. She's just getting it set up.

[luckyman]

Becasue your not letting yourself be happy. Its hard but whats going on in her world should not worry or bother you. You need to disconnect from her. Let her be and let yourself be. 6 years is along time but like you said if she came back you would not even think of letting her back into your life. So why waste time thinking of how great her life is instead of working on how great yours could be. Forget this girl shes not worth your thoughts brother.

[No1]

I would agree that you are not over hear regardless what you say. If you were really over her you wouldnt post anything or even cared about who she is dating, why she is dating, why she is happy.

Understand that its not about you, its completely irrelevent what she is doing now. She is no longer with you so why you even worried about if she is happy or not? You could say all you want I wouldnt take her back if she came back begging. You have put up this wall of fear in a way hoping she would come back.

You might not agree, but you keeping tabs on who she is dating, why is she happy is quite selfish. Who cares? The same thing happened to me and my X however it wasnt 3 months before she found someone, it was 4 weeks before she found the "love of her life" yes, I was mad, how could I be here the one crying, in pain, and she is already "happy" with her new soulmate. It was just not fair. But the thing is, she needs someone to be happy with. I am doing all I can to make myself happy first before I go out and find the next hot girlfriend.

Dont worry about her. If you were over her, you would be able to wish her a very happy life and be done with it.

You are still healing, its why you feel your anger/confusion/sadness still, you swing between all those feelings, one day you will hit acceptance and be all good.

[Alstott Fan]

She gets to be happy because she cared the least in your relationship. Whoever cares the least has to most power, and she used that power to dump you. Yes, it sucks, but like has been posted here probably millions and millions of times before, you'll get better about it.

 

I understand the throwing away years and years together thing as well. My ex wife flushed a decade down the toilet for some new guy and has been cheating on him ever since. The bottom line is she isn't as happy as she likes to try to make me believe she is. She's working a job she claims to now hate even though she told me she loved it when she walked out, she's playing college student at 30 years old by going to college part time to get a 4 year degree. Do the math, she'll be near 38 when she graduates and entering a workforce full of younger people with the same degree willing to work harder than she is, if she graduates at all that is.

 

What I'm getting at is the dumpers who overlap relationships have to keep the appearance of bliss towards their ex's at all costs. It's part of their personality flaw. They can't let you see them miserable or else that will prove they made a huge mistake. Just because she appears to be having the time of her life doesn't make it so.