Am I about to get back with exGF of 7yrs after 1.5yrs?

[cd1011607306450]

Hello there. I really could do with some advice and really appreciate the advice given in the past so please have a read of this and if you can offer some advice please do so.

 

Well, I broke up with my GF of 7 years a year and a half ago when she left me the morning we were due to go away for a romantic weekend. We were close up to the very end and it came as a surprise. I was 26 and she was 24. We had a very close and loving relationship, we were the best of friends and to me she was the ONE, but she felt that we were not close enough in the last year and both of us drifted and argued. I was under lots of pressure at work and could not give her all she wanted. She was the nicest girl and my family and friends all loved her. A short time after we broke up she started dating a work colleague (She's teacher) and told me it was serious. I was devastated and could not believe she was doing this. I tried wrote her letters and had minimal contact but it did nothing. She told me she had moved on and did not love me any more. I gave up all contact and tried to move on.

 

I loved her so much and it hurt so much that I could not bear it. I was at the lowest point in my life and my health suffered. Then I met a lovely girl and started going out with her. She was great and I rebuilt my confidence, but I realised it was too soon for me and out of respect for her I finished it before it became too serious. I still loved my ex GF. Knowing that another lovely girl wanted me was a good feeling but it was not fair on her.

 

I met my ex's brother whom I was good friends with and he told me that the family did not like this new man. I finally seen my ex and her new boyfirend together after a year with him driving her car on the way to work after staying at her place. It was a very hard thing to bear. During this year it was very hard but I did all the things to try and take my mind off her.

 

In November last year I booked the ticket, told my work I needed 6 months off and started on a dream I had for many years. I went on a round the world trip with a friend of mine, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, New Zealand, USA etc. A few days before I left I sent my ex girlfriend a letter saying I was going and she asked me to meet her for a drink. We had not been in contact before this. Went out had a great time, she bought me a present and then back at her place I asked her if she was happy. She said she was but I could see she was not. I left as her friend. So I went around the world. It was great, the best experience of my life. Seen lots, great experiences, sights, moments, nights out parties etc. Met lots of people and a few girls. But when the party was over or on that deserted beach I missed my ex GF, it was hard not to. We e-mailed a couple of times but I let her initiate the contact.

 

When I got back I was very unsettled about being home. She text me when I got back saying hello. Then she called me and told me her brother was home for a few days from working abroad and to come around and see them all. I was on a sort of date with a girl at this time but it was no big deal so I agreed to call around late that night. We all had a great time and I filled them with stories of my travels. She dropped me home, I thanked her, said good night and never mentioned anything about us. A few weeks later she text me and asked me if I would like to meet her so a few days ago we meet up and went out to dinner. We had a great time and she looked great. We laughed and had so much fun. She invited me in for a coffee and we talked some more and after a while I asked her if she was still going out with him. She said no and that it had been a big mistake. She said she was so stupid and that she had been in a daze and very silly to have got involved with him so soon. She was very hurt and started crying. I cuddled her and comforted her. She said that she should have taken some time to herself. I said that I would take her out for dinner the following week and she said she would go and seemed excited about it. She did say she needed some time by herself. We talked about some of the mistakes we made when we were together and happy times we had. The whole thing was very friendly and nice. I left thinking we were nearly there. I text her the following day saying I would call her in a few days to arrange going out and she text back saying she had a really lovely time with me and but she did not think it was a good idea for us to go out at the moment.

 

I think she wants time to herself, I think she still has strong feelings for me but I am not sure if she is scared to come back after hurting me or if she still has doubts about our long term compatibility and possible future together.

 

I feel that I might be close to getting her back. I genuinely want to give us another chance and for us to be happy having learned from our mistakes. I don't know what to do to win her back. I don't want to pressurise her, I don't want us to be another rebound relationship where she has not had time on her own but I do not want to loose her yet again (if you know what I mean) to another man. I want to be there for her so and show her how good we are together and that I will not let her down so that when the time is right & she feels she wants me it can happen. At the same time I don't want to be waiting all my life for her. I have waited this long for her, she was genuine and sincere about her mistake and I am willing to wait another few months for her.

 

I am so confused, meeting her and hearing what she has to say has brought back the feelings. I understand what she has done and accept it. I just want her back but I know if I don't get her back that life must go on and meet someone else. Please advise me of what to do to try & get her back.

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

Tell her what you stated here in the second last paragraph, the one that starts with -

I feel that I might be close to getting her back...

 

You took the 6 months round the world trip to sort out your thoughts, while she went to another man, just different ways of dealing. But she obviously did not give herself the space to think thru things. Give her that space now, for a while like you say, not forever. You could tell her that it's a serious issue, you're serious about making something of this i.e. making a life together, and thereforeeee she has to use this time wisely to think about what she wants etc, instead of clouding her thoughts and emotions by throwing herself into the arms of another man.

 

You can't keep her from doing so of course, but we do need time alone to figure things out. It's wise to give her this time so that she does not end up questioning herself further down the track. Quite likely she has not sorted through the break-up you had, and since she was the one who broke off, she needs to think it through, or you might just end up going back and forth, reconciling and breaking-up.

[amaranth_04]

edit - error

[shockeddismayed]

cd101

 

You seem to have an excellent grasp of what has gone on. Congrats on being able to find that clarity. It takes a big person to give an EX the type of leeway that you have. Take some pride in that, and make sure that no matter what happens, you take it with you if things don't work out.

 

Amaranth gives some good advice. It sounds to me like your girl is still a little confused and does need some space. If you are able and willing, I think you should do just what you are... give some support... then back off... repeat.

 

If I had to guess, I'd bet your ex is having the same worries you are about potentially rebounding before she has found herself. It is terrible that you were able to do that, and that she got distracted by something new, but that is life sometimes.

 

You need to take a guarded approach for your own feelings, but don't be afraid to put a little of yourself out there. For example, she's said she isn't up for a dinner date... maybe wait a week and then ask her for coffee or something fun... explain to her that you don't need any committment from her... but that you ARE curious to see if there might still be something to work for.

 

One other thing... I really like what amaranth said about her needing to use this space wisely... and that as strange as it seems, she may not have actually sorted out what happened in your relationship. Perhaps suggest to her (maybe even jokingly) that you've spent so much time on a beach figuring out what went wrong, that you are willing to give her your thoughts on things if she thinks it will help. To me the fact that she talked to you a bit about old times (good and bad) suggests that she is going to take some time to sort it out... and to sort herself out.

 

I think you need to impress upon her that your belief in your partnership is such that you are willing to give her some support if that is what she wants to work through... and that your support doesn't need to be in opposition to her space.

[shockeddismayed]

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it seems this post is having technical difficulties.

[xxatti]

Truth is, I dont like this situation. This girl just up and left you one day out of the blue. She invites you to her house, cries on your shoulder about the mistake she made with some other guy. Then happily agrees to go out with you a few times, almost leading you on in a sense, only to tell you that she doesnt think its a good idea for you two to go out right now. I dont understand why you want to go back to her. I know you have a lot of feelings for her, but is it really worth it? And does she really feel the same way about you? Looks like she may have just been testing you to find out if she still might have feelings for you.

 

The way I see it is that she's not respecting you like she should be. There has to be consequences for the things she does to you. Other wise, she's just going to walk all over you. Unless this girl is "THE ONE" I mean, there's no one else and never will be, I think it's time to back away and move on. If she really wants to get back with you, make her prove it to you.

[xxatti]

Truth is, I dont like this situation. This girl just up and left you one day out of the blue. She invites you to her house, cries on your shoulder about the mistake she made with some other guy. Then happily agrees to go out with you a few times, almost leading you on in a sense, only to tell you that she doesnt think its a good idea for you two to go out right now. I dont understand why you want to go back to her. I know you have a lot of feelings for her, but is it really worth it? And does she really feel the same way about you? Looks like she may have just been testing you to find out if she still might have feelings for you.

 

The way I see it is that she's not respecting you like she should be. There has to be consequences for the things she does to you. Other wise, she's just going to walk all over you. Unless this girl is "THE ONE" I mean, there's no one else and never will be, I think it's time to back away and move on. If she really wants to get back with you, make her prove it to you.

[cd1011607306450]

Thank you for your responses they are all appreciated. Amaranth & shocked & dismayed gave some very good advice. Xxatti too. I think I will play it cool and give her some space. It is difficult to do for everyone, as your reaction is to try and convince them it is the best thing for you to get back together. I went through the pain and heartache that perhaps some of you may be feeling. It hurt very much and was the hardest thing I have had to deal with but as they say time does heal things. I always considered myself to be a very strong, independent and confident person but this shook the hell out of that, but now that person has come back and I have enjoyed so many things since then and will do so now. You do meet other people and I enjoyed a great trip around the world, which I recommend to everyone out there. It gives you so many wonderful experiences and you meet lots of friends. Now when I see my ex, I am the happy funny man she feel in love with but with more to offer to either her or another girl and not the emotional person that found it hard to deal with what she did.

 

As you say S&D, I will contact her every so often and go out for coffee drinks etc and have fun. This is truly the best way to do it. I will put it to her after a while with what Amaranth advised that I say along the lines of my post. As for what Xxatti said I do agree with that and have been through these things in my head a thousand times but I do feel that people can sometimes make mistakes and I know I did which perhaps drove my ex to break up. I have learned that lesson the hard way. Respect is an important thing and the minute I think someone is disrespecting me then I don't want anything to do with that. I fully understand the things my ex did. Perhaps I could well have done them myself and I understand and accept what she has done. I would be willing to try again, not out of desperation but for the fact that we were together for 7 very happy years and there was not much really wrong and we could be very happy. That is a realistic judgement after a long time apart considering all the options and having being with other girls and not clouded by the recently broken up emotions. When you get to your late 20's everyone has made mistakes & has a past. I just hope we can rescue what we had before either one of use move on too far. I would hate to loose her again when there is a chance I could find her again.

 

If anyone could add any further advice or want to say something then please do so it is very nice to hear from you and a different person's perspective or their experiences of something similar is nice to know.

 

CD101 – London UK.

[cd1011607306450]

Has anyone been in this situation and got back with their ex? I would be interesting to hear what things you found hard to accept and deal with and if it was the same.

[street]

ive just split from ex for the second and last time, we were togther 4 years split for 7 months..we were back togther for 5 months...things werent the same, she had changed in those 7 months!!

 

im not saying don't go back as i don't regret anything, but be prepared for the worst, as im going through the break up all over again and it hurts like hell!!

 

it could work, i always felt i had to try again...so perhaps u feel that as well...just make sure u talk....my ex wanted me back when i had someone else and was showing signs of moving on!! she didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me!!

 

be carefull, good luck i hope it works out for u!

[street]

ive just split from ex for the second and last time, we were togther 4 years split for 7 months..we were back togther for 5 months...things werent the same, she had changed in those 7 months!!

 

im not saying don't go back as i don't regret anything, but be prepared for the worst, as im going through the break up all over again and it hurts like hell!!

 

it could work, i always felt i had to try again...so perhaps u feel that as well...just make sure u talk....my ex wanted me back when i had someone else and was showing signs of moving on!! she didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me!!

 

be carefull, good luck i hope it works out for u!

[cd1011607306450]

Thanks for the advice street. I suppose things can be starnge if you get back together with your ex. I suppose that is the test. We all remember the good times but often neglect to remember the bad times that perhaps led us to do stupid things and make stupid mistakes. I think you learn from it all.

 

Nice quotes, both very good songs and from some of my favourite ablums

 

Good luck,

 

CD101

[cd1011607306450]

Hello,

 

I have trown my post in again as i am now about to meet up with my ex next week. I am not sure weather to tell her how i am feeling or to go out with her and have a good time leave it at that and then tell her the next time. If i tell her that i would like to try again the next time i meet her it might push her away. If i leave it for another time then i might not get another chance to meet her, she might meet someone else and it delays me moving on. If i tell her this time then we both know where we stand, she already knows that i would like to start seeing her, but again if i do this it is still me requesting getting back together. I decided if she wants to get back togther then so be it, if she needs some time then she can have a little but if she says no then there is no point us being friends.

 

I am really not sure what to do and very confused. Any advice would be very welcome.

 

CD101.

[street]

i think u should talk to her, be up front!! i don't like all these games and plans for getting back with an ex..i tried it and it didn't work, when we did eventully get back it wasn't to do with a talk we had, we just kissed in a club,, actions speak louder than words!!

 

just be up front, otherwise ur setting urself for a big fall and it hurts just as much the second time let me tell u...

[street]

i think u should talk to her, be up front!! i don't like all these games and plans for getting back with an ex..i tried it and it didn't work, when we did eventully get back it wasn't to do with a talk we had, we just kissed in a club,, actions speak louder than words!!

 

just be up front, otherwise ur setting urself for a big fall and it hurts just as much the second time let me tell u...hope it works ok how u want it!

out

[determined]

Street, what happened mate?

[cd1011607306450]

Thanks for the advice. I think it is the correct thing to be open and up front. Honesty is always the best approach even if you do not like what the truth is.

 

I will call my ex in a few days and arrange to meet her and i will take her out have fun and tell her that it would be good if we got back togther. The only problem is that she knows and has heard already most of what i will say.