Running into your Ex, How did you act?

[alphavelli]

how are you supposed to act when you run into your ex? my gf dumped me after a 2 yr relationship, we have a lot of friends in common so we're bound to run into each other.

 

if it were strictly up to me, i would immediately leave the bar as soon as she walked in. but i don't want to come off childish or show her that i'm still torn up about things. on the other hand i don't feel like putting on an act and pretending i'm fine and dandy.

 

how should one act if you're at the same bar or lounge as your ex? please share some of your experiences with how you acted, how your ex reacted, and if you regretted it/could re-do it.

 

we broke up once before, and when i saw my ex at the bar i just left and it drove her nuts, she called and texted the whole next day. i'm thinking the best way to handle things is a simple hi and smile maybe on your way out, best of both worlds?

[sweet17]

Hi, I am new to the site, and I would like to know the answer to this as well so if ok with OP, I will piggyback on his question so as not to run 2 threads on the same thing. I run into my ex at work (hallways... elevator.. parking lot.. common areas) and it is so awkward. I've tried the civil, adult stuff (polite, saying hi.bye) but that leads him to act like we're buds and I am okay with him (I am not and he knows it) and inevitably more heartbreak because it kills me. I decided I needed to not speak to him, period, so after several lukewarm hellos, he asked if we were not to say hello anymore and I told him we are not to say anything anymore. He texted me saying I was being childish. However I see this as necessary to keep my sanity.

 

What IS the best thing to do? Common sense says it is what Alpha above stated (smile, casual, move on), but it isn't really so simple when you are the one with all the bottled up, useless feelings.

[Leighton]

In my bitter, angry state, when I run into my ex (which I will eventually), I'm just going to ignore him and act as if he's not even there. Who cares if they think we're childish? They broke our hearts, and yeah if you think you CAN be polite and civil, then do it. But I see no reason that we have to be.

[nutbrownhare]

To your ex, be pleasant, polite and above all, DETACHED. How your ex reacts isn't relevant. Maintaining your dignity in the face of someone else's good/bad/provocative behaviour will do wonders for your own self-esteem.

 

Save your painful feelings til later, explore them, let them tell you about your past, what needs to be healed (and there's likely to be a lot more than just your recent relationship in there) and use it as a means of personal growth. No feelings are useless - even the unpleasant ones. They're an important part of you - embrace them.

 

If you need to grieve, grieve really deeply; this will speed up the healing process and let you move on sooner. Just don't do it overtly with your ex, or you're likely to end up regretting it.

 

Good luck to you both, and I know it's a horrible, painful time when your heart feels as though it's been eaten out of you. But it will pass.

[unknownme]

It's happened to me several times, two ex's and 1 guy I was seeing. (each time I was with my significant other). The 1st ex was with his wife so I pretended I didnt see him, out of respect to her. The 2nd ex was with his friends, (we eneded in bad terms He cheated), so Again I pretended I didnt see him, even though he kept following me around the store, lol. The 3rd guy was in the doctor's office, I said hi, we were always great friends and he was a sweetheart who had a strong attraction to me but it ended bcuz I didnt feel the same. So I'd Suggest it you ended in bad terms to pretend you didn't see her and walk away, but if it was agood relationship def. say hello and smile =)

[Seymore]

Yep, this is how I feel about this as well. Especially when it's someone who hurt YOU...some exes will mistake the passing pleasantries as them being "off the hook" and then it's time to start pushing them away again. I say just act like they don't exist. Go about your business - they don't have to have any part of it.

[alphavelli]

sounds like a mixture of just ignore them completely, or be polite nice and act like nothing happened.

 

as i said before, i think the best thing to do is if you'd rather not be in the same room with them, just leave, don't storm out but if they happen to be on your path while you're leaving, give a simple hi and smile as your walking out.

 

that way you get to flee the scene like you wanted to, but also showed ur not an emotional wreck about it. your ex really can't take anything negative from that.

[Blackey]

Seen my ex a couple of times since the dumping in the gym...just ignored her completely and didnt pay any attention to her...she kind of kept on following me and looking at me through the whole time... and the more you do it the less you kind of care about the ex...its kind of "fake it till you make it" , at least thats what happened to me, the more ignored her and told myself that i dont care about her anymore, the more i believed it.

[abigheart]

I'm the same - my bf of 2 years dumped me and we have mutual friends, but thankfully none who are my absolute best friends so it's not like I'll be running into him at every event.

 

However, we do have the same class at uni, and even though the class is huge and we managed to sit on opposite ends of the room, we saw each other, but I pretended not to see him.

 

And at times if I were to run into him at a bar or lounge with friends, I'd be polite but not spend too much time trying to make convo or anything. Like others suggested, I'd do a quick but polite hello, nothing more. I personally feel like leaving the room just makes you feel worse once you're out of there. Just makes me feel cowardly. If you MUST, yeah I'd just casually walk out but not storm out. But you can do it...just hold your head up high. But don't overdo the confidence thing either...you gotta seek the perfect balance I feel.

[ANewMe]

I've run into my ex lots of times. I act like I don't know him. Mostly, because I wish I didn't but also, to be honest, because it visibly upsets him. And that, in no small way, makes me happy

[Leighton]

I've run into my ex lots of times. I act like I don't know him. Mostly, because I wish I didn't but also, to be honest, because it visibly upsets him. And that, in no small way, makes me happy

 

LOL.. awesome!!

[intolerable]

I just ignore him. Over time, this became a sort of unwritten rule between us I think.