Happyness comes back

[matador1972]

I thought id share with you, as I see a lot of people struggling, i dont really visit the forums anymore, im happy and settled in my new life, but for people who are only just breaking up, have been dumped, putting myself back in their position, it seems like happyness is not something that you will ever get back in your life.

 

I split 7 months ago from my ex, we were always very good friends, but obviously something was lacking from both our lives, i was not able to see this at the time, but time apart made me realise it. Around xmas we spent together for the kids and it was just awful, it was just too soon to be friends and once xmas was over, i stayed away from her.

 

She started seeing a guy in January which lasted about 6 weeks, she finished it with him because he was jealous of me (even though i had no contact with her other than stuff about our kids at the time and had no intention of interfering with her). I knew it was coming but its still strange to find out your ex is with someone, i was glad she was getting on with her life and was having fun though, I started dating too, and have met a lovely girl who ive been seeing now for about a month.

 

Once we both knew about each other dating it really took the pressure off, we have remained friendly and still do the odd night out with the kids together, i took her out for her birthday last week, we chat like old times, but the animosity has completely gone from both sides.

 

I really value her as a friend, but after leaving me twice id never take her back, and Im glad i have been able to remain friends with her, even if its not the closeness that we once had, i feel ive now got the good bits of her without the bad bits. We grew up together, were together 17 years, i suspect we will always be in each others lives as friends, and its nice to have that.

 

Anyway, how do i feel 7 months on? I feel great, i lose a lot of weight, i worked out, i spent more time with my kids and my friends, i read a lot of self help books and im 10x the person i was when i split, i look back at him as a fat pathetic chump, and im reaping the rewards of self improvement. I wasnt happy in my old life but sometimes you cant see that at the time, you crave normality and its a gut wrenching process to go through, but people, you can, you will and you do come out the other side smelling peachy. I had my ex over for dinner last night, we laughed and had a good time, and when it was time for her to go, there was no bitterness, no animosity, no upset and no feelings of wanting her back.

 

I realise this may be rare, and things may change again over time, but at the moment, im happy in my life, its great, so keep your chin up guys and gals if your feeling low today, all i wanted 7 months ago was to for time to pass, and you know what, it has, time passes, you get better every day and you wake up one day and realise you dont hurt anymore, for some people its a few weeks, for some people a few months, for some people 6 months, a year or whatever, but the time does come.

 

Bide your time, work on yourself.

[iBroken]

This is a fantastic thread - thank you for sharing

 

I remember your story well as I was new to ENA when you were riding the rollercoaster with your ex

 

Glad to see you have healed nicely.

[Rob1000]

That's great to hear, mate. I do think your situation is different to most people on here though. You've been able to remain friends with your ex, for the kids obviously and that has somehow helped you. Most of the guys on here, myself included, don't see our exes at all due to NC and some times not knowing can be the hardest thing to deal with. In your situation there's no mystery because its all out in the open. Do you still have any feelings for her?

[matador1972]

Well i still love her, i suspect i always will, but i think we are both pretty content at the moment, the good things about our relationship was our friendship, which we have rebuilt, the bad things about the relationship were our sex life and her ocd, and me being a bit lazy when it comes to doing stuff around the house, so we both seem to have fallen into the agreement that we have kept the good stuff but got rid of the bad.

 

Whether not that will change in time i dont know, but we genuinly both want each other to be happy and that seems to be the main thing that is pushing things forward.

[PKNY]

Sounds great, I hope I can look forward to a similar situation in a few months.

[ebik]

Thankyou for your positive post!

Just what i needed right now i think.

 

I have recently started trying to build a friendship with my ex after 6 mths of NC! It is a very confusng time at the moment as I do miss our friendship and commpanionship and bond we shared, but also know that it will never be like it use to.

I still do not know what i want from this or where it will lead me, but time will tell i guess.