How Did Your Ex (Dumper) Handle The Breakup?

[jimmajam]

How do you feel your ex handled the breakup? Post how long ago the breakup was and how you feel they handled it overall. Did they handle it fairly and well? Did they handle it poorly? We're they completely heartless? Wicked? Take a look at it and be completely honest. Don't be bitter and don't make excuses for them - take a serious look and be honest.

 

I'm just curious how the dumpee specifically feels their ex handled the breakup. The more an more time that passes from my breakup the more the rose colored glasses fade. My ex handled the breakup horribly. She was cold, heartless, completely uncommunicative and even took passive jabs at me just days after the breakup.

 

I feel like * * * * for ever contacting her and apologizing now that I am realizing how she handled things. I knew she was cold when she broke up, but I guess I was more in love and hurt to see it. Now that I can look back with a clear head, less heartache I really see it. If I could do it over again I wouldn't apologize for anything until she was ready to talk and came to me. I apologize for everything I realized after the break up, she accepted it and never once mentioned anything she did. Never gave me anything.

[EQIQ]

She was fair. Did not string me along, did not feed me crumbs. When I apologized for my actions months later, she replied and apologized for hers as well, and thanked me for e-mailing. She pretty much never ignored me, besides my last e-mail which was about a month ago. We had already negotiated that we would not try to be friends, but I was just checking if that was what she really wanted. She didn't reply which was answer enough, and I did not mind it, was a fair thing to do.

 

So she wasn't overly caring, not nice, but very fair. I respect the way she did things. In the process we both made mistakes, but nothing she did is the type of thing that completely pisses me off or that hurts me in an undeserved manner. I am more ashamed of the way I handled the break-up than the way she did to be honest.

[QuirkyCute]

My ex handled the breakup VERY POORLY. Just like your ex, he was very cold, and continues to be this day. We actually haven't spoken in 5 weeks. Not a peep either way. Last Friday, I bumped into him while I was headed to my car (we live in the same building, unfortunately), he saw me, and bolted the other way. I can't say he's over things if we're 5 weeks out and that's how he acts....his behavior is very unusual in that respect. I mean, shouldn't I be the one bolting the other way when I see him?

 

Anyway, he's not been the picture of perfection that I thought he was when we were together. It's such a shame he's burning his bridges with me. He may realize he needs them one day.

[Niinjaa]

It was actually just today. He was such a flipping coward, he didn't even call. Just a text. (We couldn't see each other in person, because of spring break.) It was only a 4-day relationship, but we were still really serious about each other.

[petite]

He didn't handle it well at all. He was wishy washy the first time he did it, we kept getting back together and he always would give excuses that he needed space to work on himself and all this other BS. If bettering himself meant talking to other girls and chatting it up on dating sites while with me than YAY for him!

 

In the end he turned extremely evil and unrecognizable. I realize now, how little I truly knew him & how much he really hid from me.

Been broken up for about a month and a half. I've been NC 8 days! He has been NC 18 days.

I'm not surprised by his actions as of recent, meaning how he handled the break up.

Was he heartless? That's such a general thing, we had a pretty hard last few months. It was on/off at lightening speed. Too much happened. One day he loved me the next he hated me. I couldn't keep up. I think it was heartless what he said to me in his second last email and the word he used to swear at me, but whatever. Live and learn.

He didn't respect me and that wasn't just his fault. It was my fault to take it. I should have left right when he showed signs of disrespect. I'm certainly learning from my mistakes and will never let anyone treat me as badly as he did, but I also wont treat them badly as I treated him. I have to be fair and say, neither of us were angels towards each other when it came to fighting. I just feel he could have been more honest about things, since he really hid a lot. When we said 'lets lay down all the stuff we hid from each other", he didn't admit to stuff he should have. Why.. I don't know.

I know I deserve to be treated better and will be happy sooner or later.

[fLuiD]

So far, not so good. I guess the only way for me to stop pining for her is for her to be cold and distant like this, but that is going to result in me resenting her, which I didn't really want. Oh well. Can't do anything about the things out of your control...

[mattguy]

2.5 months ago, he didnt want to have anything to do with me, then he wanted to be friends, then we got too close for his comfort and he pushed me away again . after lots of come here, go away i decided to go NC. now we only say hello if we run into eachother...

[Dako]

With care, sensitivity and grace.

Our relationship was difficult and rewarding, and she's still an important friend in my life.

I'm glad she has a new guy who appreciates her.

[GenoGeno]

Mine broke up with me a week before my birthday...heh....still got me gifts though. But that was a month ago today.

I'd say she was fair...she said from the beginning if she ever didn't feel the same she would be honest with me and that she was. She tried to be nice about it and tell me we could work in the future and give me hope. So, she handled it pretty good. Me on the other hand....not so well.

[Alstott Fan]

My ex wife handled it the worst way she could. She has even admitted that to me. She did everything she knew would hurt me and did it on purpose. She lied about not cheating on me when she was, she said it "was her not me" she said she doesn't think she is the "relationship type" even though she started a new one with another man three months before she walked out, and to top it off she said she "going to get what I want even if it destroys you".

 

Yes sir, a real loving and caring way to go about throwing a decade of your life away.

 

 

[intolerable]

We've been broken up for almost.. a year and a half? I think he handled it waaaay better than most dumpers. The break up itself was clean, the few months after the break up was okay I guess. It was what happened when I started NC-ing him that totally justified my decision in not talking to him ever again.

[abigheart]

He broke up with me a week after our 2 year anniversary. While it was certainly out of the blue, he was not cold at all, but rather extremely apologetic. He had been battling it for weeks. When he first told me and I started crying, he cried, too and we both were bawling. He told me he isn't ready for a serious relationship right now with anyone but says he loves me very much and doesn't want me out of his life (friends, in other words). I tried to be okay with it at first and try the friends thing but realize it is much too painful, so after a second phonecall in which I tried to plead with him, I told him that I'd like my time and space. Minus a short e-mail response, I've had NC for about a week or so. But it's been about a month since he broke it off.

 

As hard as this is, as painful as it is, he was and is a genuinely good person, and I care for him a lot. Getting back together would be a dream, but I can't have such high hopes right now.

[Lifes4Living]

she was good. face to face, told me she used to want marriage and kids but now didnt want it. then said she wanted to be independent not co dependant, then continued to say im sorry im sorry, and it wasnt me it was her. i asked her one thing, did she want a break or to fully break up, she said break up.... so i decided to let her go and not fight it anymore, and from that decision ive somewhat found peace really. she continued to cry and say im sorry, i just sat with her. i think she found it more difficult then me.

[jenmar]

He broke up with me the day before valentines day- said we fought too much, even though the fighting was getting less. then he said he wanted to date.. but not see other people.. then he said he didn't want to do this anymore.. then he said well give me time to think.. then he said lets work it out and go slow.. then he said he didn't want to.. then he said ok ill try harder.

 

Now I haven't heard from him in a week.

 

I'd say he handled it badly.

[iBroken]

When my partner split, she was a total b****. Im not saying this as the dumpee. Im saying it because its true. She had no remorse and was as cold as they come. I may as well have cheated on her because there was no real reason why I deserved the treatment I got.

 

As we are working on getting back together, she has apologized endlessly for her behaviour. Its a very hard thing to get over and forget though, that is for sure.

[bish0p2004]

My ex was okay with the break up...maybe a little bitter towards me as she was more than happy to tell me about the new guy she met. I took the break up horribly though by calling her every name in the book.

 

She had contacted me afterward, but I believe it was just to string me along. I don't blame her for it because I don't think she knew what she was doing. She just wanted me in her life and she couldn't figure out why (I know though...it's because I didn't stalk her or harass her and she's an ego maniac).

[quirky]

I think he has been strong and tried to improve himself. He broke NC a few times only for my hopes to be build up and it would have been better to just let me be. But he does love me and it was hard for him to let go too. So overall same as me; a fighter but also a drama queen.

[Shnoodle]

Even though he's a well intentioned person I think he handled the break-up and events since very selfishly.

 

When we broke up, I was made out to be a horrible person, even though I never did anything that bad.

When we started talking again, trying to dig his hooks in, but not being sure if he even wanted me. My Birthday = silence, but Valentine's Day = he's bummed.

When we finally agreed to try again, going instantly cold/distant/avoidant overnight.. and staying that way.

Getting angry at me for not wanting to be pressured for sex.

On top of it all, constant double standards, antagonizing me for my "issues", and never owning up to his own.

Always using my "issues" as justification for his actions, always acting like he's a victim.

 

Did I enable a once patient and compassionate person to be this self-centered, or was he under the mask all along..?

 

P.S. Thank you for this thread. I was feeling hormonal and guilty today for walking away from a possible reconciliation, but this has helped a ton.

[restingpieces]

He is a fairly compassionate man; it was a quality I sincerely adored about him.

 

But in terms of the actual break-up? It was selfish and not very adult. Even though he began the conversation with... "I think we need to be adults." (This is something that provides great laughter for anyone, including myself...)

 

If I hadn't explained it would take me a bit to digest what he was saying, say goodbye to my dog, pack all my things to move back accross THE COUNTRY, he would have expected me to be out of our house in no less than a few hours. Really? Really.

[intolerable]

He is a fairly compassionate man; it was a quality I sincerely adored about him.

 

But in terms of the actual break-up? It was selfish and not very adult. Even though he began the conversation with... "I think we need to be adults." (This is something that provides great laughter for anyone, including myself...)

 

If I hadn't explained it would take me a bit to digest what he was saying, say goodbye to my dog, pack all my things to move back accross THE COUNTRY, he would have expected me to be out of our house in no less than a few hours. Really? Really.

 

Oh that is funny!

 

Weird how some people's common sense seem to go out the window when they want to break up.

[restingpieces]

Oh that is funny!

 

Weird how some people's common sense seem to go out the window when they want to break up.

 

Me: "Fine. But I'm leaving Saturday."

Him: "What? Why?" Translation? WHY AREN'T YOU CATERING TO ME?

Me: (sigh)

 

Haha.

 

Can I ask what it was that happened during your NC-time that made you realize everything was for the best?