I want what I once HAD.

[thatboy_e]

Quote: "Once a good girl turns bad, she's gone forever" I mourn forever.

 

I want what she once was, but no matter what I do there is no change. I can't turn her back "good," ...... its too late. I can't help thinking of how things used to be and how good things could have been. She is a different person now, not the person I fell in love with. So why do I stay, why do I go. It's been three years and ALL trust is gone, but why do I remain hopeful. Can she ever change back to the girl she used to be?

She says she loves me and wants to change, and wants things like they used to be, yet I see no effort. I know she sincere, but there is no action.

Should I stay or should I go, I don't know.

[1Adam12]

This is like a song that Steve Winwood once sang titled "Valierie"..about a girl lost to drug use.

 

If i were you I would go since you say she isn't showing she's sincere than she isn't worth your wait.

 

Phil

[Realdeal40]

Hardest decison you'll be making....but it will be best for you in the long run if you leave. You HAVE to see action; 3 years is a very long time to be waiting for someone to return the feelings that you need. Think about it....how long were you together before her feelings changed? I'm in a similar situation, where my ex-gf changed and wouldn't let me go until recently. I clung and clung and made her leave. If I had made the choice earlier, maybe she would have realized what she was losing because it was not her choice. You still have that opportunity; it's very risky and shouldn't be a game. But this might be the way to get her to come around, and if not you'll be moving on to someone who will value you and not take you for granted like you are being currently. Just imagine, I know it's hard, but someone else that looks forward to hearing your voice, seeing your face and loves spending time with you. That is what you need....and that is what you deserve. I hope this helps a little bit.

 

RD40

[tiger_lilies]

I understand where you're coming from. I learned that it is impossible to go back to what you once had with each other. People change...in a relationship, you both grow together. Sometimes, people grow apart.

 

Truth is, you will always remain hopeful. I too have just ended a 3 year relationship and even though I know we will never be together again, I still remain hopeful. Can't seem to get rid of that hope feeling...almost as if he will someday be back in my life.

 

 

[asia604]

you can't change a person, they can only change themeselves. If she is not the same person and there is no trust, you should move on. You remain hopeful because you still love her and a small part of you believes that she can change. What made her change? If there is not effort on her side, my suggestion is to move on, there are better fish in the sea, and with people you can and will trust.

[ilios69]

hello,i went through the same thing,which is how i found this website.i was like you i hung on hoping things would change but they never did.you need to move on its gonna hurt for a little while but you will start healing and not feeling that feeling you feel when you dont get the love your giving back.i was hanging on for all the wrong reasons.but when i finally realised things were never going to be the same i started getting closure in my life.there are plenty of people out there that are willing to give back the love you have to offer to them....good luck to you....

[OceanEyes]

It's been three years and ALL trust is gone, but why do I remain hopeful. Can she ever change back to the girl she used to be?

 

Hey TB ... your situation is probably very painful. I am having a hard time deciding on what to really make of your situation though because there isn't enough information. How has she changed? Why have you lost so much trust or her lost trust in you? Why has she gone from "good to bad", and why did you originally fall in love with her? She's in there somewhere!!! My guess is that there is a lot more to this story than you've described here.

 

I think it really depends. If there is no trust, one of you has been unfaithful. If she's changed so much, ask yourself why? Has she been through a lot in her life lately? Has she changed just in general or only with her behaviour towards you?

 

It would be great if you helped me to understand your situation a wee bit better so I can give decent advice ...

[TheDoctor]

Im going through exactly what you are going through now. After 1 1/2 yrs in a relationship my girl turned from obsessed with me to confused and lost. And I realized when that side of them is exposed...its exposed. I read this book called the power of now by Eckhart Tolle and it defines that situation like this," We get into relationships to avoid problems and we get into relationships as a salvation. The euphoria is there at first during the "in love" or "puppy love" phase. However, when it wears off and the momentary euphoria fades off the mate is left angry at the other mate because they feel as if they took it away and that they are in the wrong place. Then all the problems come back that they had before the relationship but this time even worst as they feel they are wasting time just waiting and sitting around." I dont know what to say other than when it hit me that she wasnt the same I cried and cried and cried and wanted to die.....but we broke up and I was SOOOOO INTIMIDATED. I didnt think id make it. But guess what? I made it, Im happy, I see from a clear mind now....and im happy its over. Buddy, you were the better mate so let them suffer.

[thatboy_e]

The "good" girl that I once loved made a complete change:

 

Hanging around the wrong people... Becoming self-centered and arrogant... going out extremely way too much and telling little white lies.

Maybe shes influenced by her peers, but I lost too much sleep thinking about the IF's. The girl I fell in love with was humble, sweet, polite and understanding.

 

She once broke up with me and swore to change, I have yet to see that day. I took her back with high hopes and also decided to do "long distance." Once the grape turns sour, it stays sour, it can't go back to being sweet. That is what I learned and what I believe now.

 

We broke up once, and she begged me back realizing her mistake. Only this time, I think I might be making a mistake by holding on.

[asia604]

well you gave her a second chance and she blew it, its time you let go, and tell her firmly its over.

[TheDoctor]

That boy-e I went through the same thing bro! Its so crazy how they get like that? Hey Id like to send you a private message but I dont know how boy-e....can you tell me how or what your aim or msn is?