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NC 3 weeks, do or die mission. Sort of.


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Just need a thread to start on to get things out and just get over him.

 

We dated for 6 months, long distance, and met through work. We hit it off, he came and visited me for a week (twice). I came over to his place for Valentine's day and we broke up. He dumped me (so, that makes me a dumpee) as we can't see our future together (try different timezone, different location altogether). Things were perfect as it was. Until the unexpected break-up.

 

I don't want to be in a relationship where there's no future. And I really can't see both of us together. The broke up happened on 23rd February (PDT). And here we are, almost a month later.

 

That relationship was perfect, so perfect that I am afraid to start again with him. Because the ending was tainted with him yelling at me twice, and he had never done that before. I'm the kind of person who keeps my head in check and very, very soft spoken during an argument. I retreat well before things get heated up. I thought he was too. I was wrong.

 

Before, we were both geeks, we both speak our common language (some architectural references made) and we connected beyond what I have had with my other previous relationships. I felt like he's the one. He's like the penguin for Linux mascot. The one.

 

So, here I am. I am trying so hard to heal my wound, trying so hard to move on after almost a month. I need help. I just need to get over this one. Once I'm over him, I will find myself again. I felt lost right now. I'm just so, so, lost right now.

 

I tried NC for about 6 days, then, I texted, he called. It's been like that these past couple days. He just wouldn't initiate call/text/whatever. Zero.

 

My friends bailed on me from the very beginning (I failed to listen) as they knew that LDR wouldn't work. I'm out of emotional support.

 

I'm trying again this NC thing, but this time, I'm going to try it for 3 weeks.

 

I need to get over him because I owe that much to myself.

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Day 0

 

He called after I texted him that I was in xx. Conversation lasted for about 3.5hours. It's always been like that. We talked about work in general and our lives. He said sometimes he felt like he's happy that we've even met and sometimes, he felt like he regretted having broken up with me.

 

He hasn't started seeing anyone currently and he's been busy with work in general.

 

I asked that because I don't want to do the wrong thing by contacting the ex while he's in a relationship with someone. Karma is a badass. Trust me on that.

 

I lost 7 kg in a month post-breakup. Because I can't bring myself to eat/function properly after the break up. Body clock went haywire.

 

We didn't fight on the phone. In the past 2 phone conversations; they were pleasant and no mentioning of the fight we had. Listening to him as to how his week has been was good. I missed him. I still do. We made jokes about technical things and we're both laughing about it.

 

How did we get from there to where we are right now? How did we end our relationship if it feels so good?

 

I remembered telling him that "Any girl would be lucky to have you". It's true but I also implied that it wouldn't be me. He's a nice guy but if only he hadn't have a scarring divorce, I would have begged him to stay. But he had. It's 2 years since his divorce before he dated me. But there seems to be a lingering hurt from his previous divorce. His wife had remarried.

 

My vow now is to never get involved with a man who had been divorced. Because it's difficult to know if it's really because of what I did or is it because he's still hurt from his divorce. It's too complicated. I can't deal with complicated relationship.

 

Relationship is supposed to be easy. Love is supposed to be easy.

 

I don't want to get overshadowed by ex-Mrs Perfect. It's complicated and demoralizing.

 

That was why I didn't beg him to stay. I have to let him go.

 

It's been only 24 hours since the phone call. So, tomorrow, when the new working day begins, I have 2 things I need to do:

 

1) Get more work done.

2) Get more and more work done until I fell in exhaustion.

 

I promise this: I will never text him. I will never call him. I will call my male best friend until I get over him.

 

I promise. Because only then, I can get over him with a minimal time penalty.

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Day 1

 

I think it has come to normalization stage as I'm feeling good about myself. I'm back at home. Things are looking good. Didn't think about him as much.

 

I'm going to the gym (go me, for finally starting next Tuesday. I'm going to be within the BMI range (need to shave off 2kg

 

The lesson I learned today: Live one day at a time.

 

That way, I am less worried about the future and I am more focused on making everyday as great as it could be.

 

L.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day n+1

 

I joined gym last week and I have hot personal trainer (like super hot). Ex does contact me from time to time but it's taking low priority in my life right now. I love the fact that I'm out there and enjoying the life. I know deep down, I still do miss him but I can't holding onto him.

 

He doesn't like talking about the future when he called. It's sad because deep down we both know there isn't any. His new depressive personality doesn't attract me at all. I'm happier right now than I was (the gym, meeting hot guys and living the life without having to question if I'm doing the right thing etc).

 

He was asking if I'd want to come back to him. I said yes. Now, I just let it go. I'm okay being the fall-back person until he found someone better. Not much of a sacrifice, really, seeing we're living so far away from each other. I'm not trying to make 'us' work like before.

 

It's one of those things that once broken, you'd never get back the old feelings anymore.

 

It's so different this time around. I feel better about myself. I feel good about work (I get awesome performance review result Life.. is GREAT!

 

Maybe I'll keep him around until I found someone better

 

(Hey, I was so in love with him until he broke my heart, yelled at me, and burned the heart-shaped chocolate box that I gave to him for valentine's day IN FRONT OF ME).

 

Do I love him? No.

Do I love the old him? Yes.

 

This new depressing guy doesn't strike my fancy. My new me knows full well that he's not good enough for me. He can hang around until either of us finds someone better.

 

Who cares

 

L.

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