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Grateful for this forum

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I just wanted to say thanks for this forum, which has given me a tremendous push along the process of healing. I was dumped three or four years ago, and I did everything wrong. I chased after him, I begged, I pleaded, I harangued him...everything. Eventually I sort-of reconciled with him, our underlying issues still intact. He came back (sort of) out of guilt more than anything else, and I hung around for another year or two without any kind of commitment until he left again. I had no idea about NC. We stayed in touch and ended up best friends but the whole process was excruciatingly painful. Now he is doing the same thing to his fiancee.


Anyway in the aftermath of all of it, not knowing whom to talk to, I Googled "breaking up." Of course ENA came up. I lurked a lot here but never made an account. I read all about NC and moving on and studied and absorbed it all. A few years and false starts down the line, I got into a new relationship and things were going fabulous. I thought I would never need to read about breakups again. We were talking marriage.


Out of nowhere, Ka-BOOM. He phoned; he didn't love me, he didn't see a future. When he was saying all these things I felt almost as though if I had been on a plane heading to the Bahamas, and suddenly the engine failed, and the plane was nosediving and about to crash into the ocean. Fortunately, I had listened to the safety presentation enough times that the knowledge that my seat cushion acted as a flotation device came to me clearly: although my impulse was to cling to him for dear life, through my panic I remembered all the things I had read about NC that I had thought I would never need again.


My autopilot switched on and I heard myself saying the things I knew I needed to say: That I was unable to be friends right now, that he absolutely should not contact me unless he wished to reconcile, and that I would call if and when I felt ready. Then I stuck to what I had said like a barnacle. It's been about nine weeks and still going strong with the NC...have not broken it even to Google him. I have my good days and my bad ones and some days I feel stuck, but overall the trend is upward and I feel better. These forums (and spring) have kept me sane and given me a great deal of guidance. I may have lost him, but I have kept my dignity, and that makes me happy.


On a thread by uncomfynumb I read that often a man who loved you but didn't realize it would often break NC and call within eight weeks. I was skeptical, and thought my ex was different, and that I would never hear from him again. At eight weeks minus one day I came home from dinner and saw he'd called.


But I had read here all the collected wisdom and shared experiences of people all over the world here though, and based on that and my own previous experiences come to the sad conclusion that one should not bank on a man changing; that a man who lost feelings once was apt to lose them again. Which is to say that although exceptions happen, reconciliation in a scenario like mine generally does not work. I decided that my time and my heart were too precious to risk, and decided not to try and be the exception. I did not return the single missed call, and as far as I know my ex has not tried to get in touch again.


Slowly, very hesitantly, I have begun dating again. Many of your stories give me hope.


I don't know what will happen to me. But I know I am a much wiser and stronger person because of all the advice and guidance I have received here. I don't know where the road I am on is going, but I feel like ENA has at least put some signs along the way. It is scary that a web site can have helped me so much to make sense of it all and put it all in perspective. But I guess in the end, a web site is just made of people. So thank you to all of the people here who have accompanied me along my journey and shared your stories and provided insight, comfort, and support.

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Thank you for sharing yourself and your wisdom here. You are an amazing woman and deserve the best.


Speaking on behalf of ENA (can I do that?) we are honored.


It's mutual!


And I think you are an amazing woman too. Now (after an appropriate period of healing/etc./etc.) let's go out and kick some butt and find love.

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  • 2 months later...

Thanks guys. DeenasRhino, I'm a bit older (31) so that may be part of it--once you have been through a few of these, NC becomes somewhat easier because you know inside that nobody is irreplaceable.


All of you will be happy to know that this thread is a few months old (apparently it got bumped). I moved on a long time ago, am dating someone else, and do not think of my ex any more.

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