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Am i just living deja vu every day


mr me

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I feel like this all the time when im down like this. I dont even know how I can still be suicidal after so much time. I should just know better but my mind cant deal with what im going thru. Im supposed to believe things will get better but I dont see any of that. Im just dealing with the same problems that I cant deal with and they dont get better. I have no support system and its bugging me out because I cant even be close enough to someone to trust them like that. I just wish i could give up and just blame this messed up world for putting me for so much stuff that I cant even believe it. I know have to learn how to live with all these sick and twisted parts of my life that dont make any sense.

 

I cant even write right now and its probably over something stupid so I guess here goes another day of my life.

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Mr Me.

 

I also still read your post. I think your looking for this miracle, your looking to wake up one day and feel this sudden change in yourself.

 

It doesnt come from no where, you have to make those changes yourself. Its hard work, it is.

 

List some changes you would want in your life. Show us whats so bad so we can give advice on those particular subjects. Dont think your alone, everyone hurts.

 

Sending some hugs your way.

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Im now at the point close to where i was before when i was doing really bad. I just end up not caring anymore because no matter what i do I have more messed up things that keep popping up into my life. I dont talk about what im going thru because I cant. I dont think it matters anyways because the way things get it just ends up that i get to a place where nothing works. I just need to endure alot of messed up stuff before anything seems to get different.

 

I am trying to help myself but its not really working. It seems like most people or all people think that if you keep trying it will get better by helping but it doesnt always work that way. Im supposed to deal with it not working over and over again until it does. Its just the type of stuff i have to deal with isnt something you want to go thru. I guess this is how messed up my life is going to be trying to cope with all the sick things ive had to endure. I couldnt even explain how i just wrote what i wrote because honestly my mind hasnt been able to stop thinking about killing myself. Its just people have it in them to try to find a way to survive and thats all I have left.

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Mr Me.

 

I know all the BS of life is so tiring and time consuming not counting that it can drive you up the wall wanting to pull your hair out.

 

Dont let it get to that point, take control of your emotions.

 

I will tell you I have been where you are, I can tell by your writing that your overwhelmed. I know what it feels like to be so consumed with the thoughts and feelings. The more you sit and think like you are the worse its going to get.

 

I also know that you get tired of hearing the same old thing, think positive all that stuff. BUT its true, Im not saying that your life will change to be sunshine but it will change to where you can live with yourself and be happy with your surroundings even if its not what you pictured it to be.

 

You didnt answer my question? Can you tell me 1 thing that you would change in your life or circle?

 

I will tell you mine, if I could change anything it would be to laugh and smile more to be more outgoing and fun. I see all these people laughing all the time and I get jealous. I blame that on my childhood, dealing with all the BS. It took away my sense of humor and easy living feeling.

 

Ive come to accept that my life is not like anyone elses its mine, I deal and be the way that I am because of the things that Ive been through. Do I like myself and my life, Yes some days I do, but I still fight those emotions everyday. Its a disease, it doesnt go away you just learn to live with it the best way for you.

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I dont like talking about this because whenever someone is trying to help you and you dont agree with them people just seem to stop trying to help which maybe makes sense. I just wish i could find a way to think about things normally and not have things be so overwhelming. Im doing everything I can and to some people it might not seem that way but I am. If it was so easy to do things differently they would be done already.

 

Im not weak-minded or can be considered someone who doesnt do everything to the most of their ability. This is why it drives me crazy because even with me doing everything I try to im still in this really miserable place. I guess if you want an answer I wish i didnt have to do so much alone how no one really seems to get what im going thru. I always need to explain everything from my perspective because it seems like im always misunderstood.

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Its okay to be you, whats wrong with being you. You live the life you want to, not what people are telling you to live.

 

You want to be clean cut, then be that. Why are you letting everyone around you decide how you are going to feel everyday? Are these people so important to you that your letting them cause you misery day in and day out.

 

Me, please dont do drugs, I see where your heading when you talk about that. Dont be sucked into the delusion that drugs will make you feel better, or be like them. PLEASE, you will only make yourself worse. Yea, it will give you temporary lifting but drugs always wear off and your back to where you started.

 

Im not weak-minded or can be considered someone who doesnt do everything to the most of their ability

 

This is a good thing!!!! I also am a fighter, thats what was taught to me by my mom. This was the one thing she taught me, to fight. Not to end up like her, to become her. I refuse to let myself be anything like them, my family. And Im not like them. I actually care about what happens in this world. I care that people around me are suffering. I care and I still feel, and thats a good thing.

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