Missing Her, Feeling Remorse, Regret

[flyguy23]

guys, where do i begin. I have been seeing this girl for two and a half years. I had it all with her. She was caring, loving, would constantly go out of her way for me. Only bad thing about her was we would always argue about little stuff and she would always get mad about every little thing, somewhat irrational. However I decided to stay in the relationship although contemplating to leave so many times.

 

So starting this year things started changing. I took a new job in Decemeber where we started seeing each other alot less because I was in a new location and was working all different hours. However before I took the job she was all for it. Im 27 and shes 23. She graduated from college in December and was having trouble finding a job too. We decided to take a break from one another.

 

The break ultimately lead to a breakup a few weeks ago. At first I was fine because it was mutual and we talked about it. She told me we needed to be done at the moment and right now just isnt our time anymore because of the arguments, and all the little things. She said we needed to work on things alone, generally she said she needed to work on her attitude and what not. She said down the road if we come accross each other things might be different. She said she didnt want me waiting around for her and she was content being single.

 

I thought I was ok but im not. Im a mess. I miss her like crazy. She helped me through so much when we were together. I miss being with her so much. I slept at her house all the time i woke up with her we did everything together. Now im upset because shes ok i guess and im not. I guess she finally got fed up. All through our relationship, she always chased me. She always called me and texted me. I never paid her enough attention. I took her for granted because she always threatened to break up with me in the past but she never did. So i assumed she would never leave. Im not saying shes perfect because she drove me nuts too.

 

About a few days ago she called me because I had her digi cam. I was doing alot of thinking and figured since i had the chance to talk to her I just wanted to say some things to her that i didnt get to. I only wanted to tell her these things not to get her back per say, but just so i could feel better about myself and for me to move on. Well that didnt go too well. As i was on the phone with her guess it was a bad time for her, I told her i wanted to say somethings and before i could say what i wanted to say she shut up. She was like i dont wanna hear how much you miss me or love me, im over it, this and that. And that was the end of it.

 

In closing, please help. I dont know what to do. I hate myself for not being more attentive to her while i took the new job. I wish i wouldve called her more, seen her more, texted her here and there. While we were on a break i got the feeling she wanted me to do that but i didnt. Like i said, i dont know if im better off because when we were together all we did was argue and she would always be irrational and have an attitude. It hurts so much. It hurts because i cant believe she really is for real this time. I dont know what to do. I just miss her and i cant even tell her that. I thought i was ok but im not. Even though things werent always the best, she still went out of her way for me and did alot. I just wish i could change things with her. I just want one more chance. but im afraid to get in touch with her and it hasnt been that long since our break up. Please help! sorry for the long post!