Putting my happiness in his hands?

[lostandscared5]

I have been guilty of putting my happiness in other people's hands before, a guy that I am dating, or a boyfriend if you want to call it that, and now I am wondering to myself, am I still doing the same thing? I believe that I am happy with the relationship that I have with the guy that I am currently dating; however, friends of mine believe otherwise, they think that I won't be happy until he is my boyfriend. What is going on here? I have other friends to talk to when I have problems, that I can depend on. Even though I am not happy with where I am at life, I am still in school and doing what needs to be done to get good grades, doing job hunting, just taking things one step at a time. Are those friends of mine who thinks I won't be happy until the guy that I am dating becomes my boyfriend being opinionated of me or is it true? Am I that desparate? Do I really need a guy, a boyfriend in my life to make me happy? I don't think so, because I have been fine without a boyfriend and I am focusing all my time on my college education and on finding a job right now. I feel like I am just trying to see if my relationship with this guy could go further. I do not need him or any guy to make me happy. I am not putting my happiness in his hand.

[nutbrownhare]

From what you say, you are taking responsibility for where you are in life, your emotional state and your future; you also have a good support network. However, it seems you don't quite trust yourself - you are taking on board your friends' opinion, and the strength with which you're trying to convince yourself otherwise suggests that there's part of you which fears they may be right.

 

To be honest, it doesn't sound as though they are. You are the best judge of how you're feeling and your hopes, and it actually seems rather presumptious of your friends to think otherwise. Even if they're well intentioned, it's presumptious at best, and undermining at worst.

 

I wish you all the best with your blossoming relationship, and learn to believe in yourself. You needn't take the opinions of friends on board.

[solsticefall]

Even though I am not happy with where I am at life, I am still in school and doing what needs to be done to get good grades, doing job hunting, just taking things one step at a time ... I do not need him or any guy to make me happy. I am not putting my happiness in his hand.

 

Happiness is not something you get from a college degree or a job... or a partner. If you're not happy with where you are in life then I encourage you to examine why that is. School, job hunting, etc are things that you do to *improve* your life not bring happiness into it.

 

When I think of what it means to be happy, I feel grateful for my health and the things I am lucky to have, I feel at peace with myself - knowing that I am a good person and that I (occasionally) bring joy to other people. It's about being gentle and content with yourself and knowing that no matter who or what comes or goes from your life that you are a valuable person and worthy of good things in the future.

 

You're right that you don't need anybody to make you happy. Happiness is a gift that only you can give to yourself.

 

Don't put too much stock in other people's opinions. Much of the time their opinions are simply projections of things they don't like in themselves.

[lostandscared5]

Thank you nutbrownhare and solsticefall for responding to my post. Nutbrownhare, I have always had trouble believing in myself, have low self-esteem and self-confidence in myself, and I am learning to believe in myself, have a higher self-esteem and more confidence in myself. Solsticefall, I believe that I am not happy with my life mainly because I see happiness in having what I want from life: a stable job, a stable boyfriend, maybe if I see happiness in the way you define happiness, I would be more happier with my life as well.

[nutbrownhare]

Nutbrownhare, I have always had trouble believing in myself, have low self-esteem and self-confidence in myself, and I am learning to believe in myself, have a higher self-esteem and more confidence in myself.

It all takes practice, and it does sound very much as though you're going in the right direction!

 

(((HUGS)))

[lostandscared5]

Nutbrownhare, thanks for saying that. I really appreciate it.