I Really Love him but don't want to be married

[ldwickw]

Ok My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now I really love him and care about him so much. He is my bestfriend and has been for a while. I have known him since I was real little I am 20 years old and he is going to be 40 in the middle of June.

We have lived together for the last year and a half so that is not a problem. I do love him very much but think that I am young and may decide later that he is not the one I want for life but am I making a mistake? I have loved him forever and never dreamed of getting marriend to him but now that it comes up I want to because of the love and the relationship but don't want to because I know I am still very young to make such a huge step in life can someone please help me?

[jasminebose]

Hi,

I think you are being really mature by thinking this thing through before rushing in. The decision is ultimatly yours but if I were you I would take things slowly. I think you are right about being young and wondering if your feelings will change when you are older. These thoughts are signs that maybe you are moving too fast. I suppose this may be one of the problems of having an age-gap relationship -i.e. he is older and thereforeeee ready to settle down and maybe have a family and you are just starting out. I would talk to him about your feelings and hopefully he will be patient with you. Don't rush in and don't feel pressured.

JZ

[t-dog]

Don't make the same mistake I did. I married my best friend who is also twenty years older. I rushed in without really thinking, and now I want out and I must deal with the excruciating pain of breaking his heart, something I never want to do. Trust your instincts. You're young and there are probably a million things you want to do before settling down. If he really loves you, he'll have to understand where you're at in your life. If you marry him because he wants to, you'll probably end up resenting him later. Marry him only because you really, really want to.

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

I agree with the previous posts. The age gap is a bit too much here as the two of you are in different phases in your life. You owe it to yourself to do what your gut is telling you even if that means hurting your bf. Do it for the greater good of the rest of your life. It's always better to be upfront than lead him on.

 

I can understand the feeling you may have of having invested yourself in this esp. emotionally but don't get married for that reason. I'm pretty sure once you are married, it wouldn't take away the doubts you'd have; rather they'd be reinforced 'cos you'd be stuck in that situation having gone forward and then finding you have nowhere more to go.

 

Sometimes we love some people but not all will make suitable life partners.

 

Good luck.