She contacted me

[Raistlin]

Last night, I started a thread about how I felt sad yet relieved that my gf and I split. After that, she text me telling me unprovoked saying I need to move on as if she died... that you can't bring back someone or a relationship from the grave.

 

I know that, which is why I left her alone.

 

Since we spoke, I told her I am seeking therapy but I see no point as I have no one to share it with and rrally monitor my progress. It made me realize that because she says she loves me still, she does, but I don't love me. I hurt a lot more because I miss her and I want to feel that love again.

 

I received a promotion today at work and don't want to celebrate it. I'm not happy. I want my baby back, even though we're wrong for each other.

 

I hate this pain.

[BellaDonna]

I'm glad that you received the promotion and that you are going to seek some help.

 

It's going to take some time to heal from the breakup. It might be easier on you if you didn't have any contact with her -otherwise if she doesn't plan on getting back together but keeps saying she loves you- that is only going to mess with your head, and make things harder.

[nutbrownhare]

Since we spoke, I told her I am seeking therapy but I see no point as I have no one to share it with and rrally monitor my progress. It made me realize that because she says she loves me still, she does, but I don't love me. I hurt a lot more because I miss her and I want to feel that love again.

Therapy isn't something undertaken to share with someone else. It's there to put YOU quite firmly on the map, and good candidates for therapy are those who have something they really want to do, but are prevented from doing it by the way they feel.

 

If you were thinking of therapy before, then don't let the fact that you are single (for now) put you off. If you do go ahead, you WILL learn to love yourself and will be a much better partner in future relationships - because you will accept yourself, you will be much more accepting of other people and less needy and dependent. You will learn to validate yourself, rather than needing a relationship to validate you. You won't need someone else to monitor your progress. And you will be capable of having much more rewarding relationships - not just with intimate partners, but all your relationships.

[DirectDingo]

Sometimes therapy works, other times it doesn't. I think primarily therapy is just there to tell you what you want/need to hear, depending on the therapist you choose.

 

We've all been in your position. Not feeling like you deserve to be happy and feeling like she's the only thing you want/need in your life. Quite often it takes a shock, such as losing someone else important in our lives, to realise that no one person can define your life.

 

You lived before her and you will live after her. It sounds to me like you need to treat yourself, be good to yourself for a change and try for some forward progression. Be strong my friend, you will be okay =)

[tiredofvampires]

I'm glad you'll be seeking therapy, Raistlin. And congratulations on the promotion, even if you don't feel like celebrating now, of all times.

 

Therapy is something you will see progress in by simply living in the world and noticing you handle things differently, and feel differently. It's like laying the groundwork for a healthy relationship, it's not the barometer of a healthy relationship. First, you have to plant the seeds. The "point" or the fruit of this effort is that you make yourself someone you can respect more, love more and also PROTECT MORE when you see someone who is incapable of healthy interaction with you. All of this is stuff you need to know by knowing yourself and dealing with the pain that exists in your psyche above and beyond this relationship or that one.

 

The good thing about love is that it's a force that can re-emerge again and again. For as many times as I lost a beloved, and my heart felt incapable of repair, it amazingly did.

 

You will love again, but you need to be with someone and to be someone who can make that love sturdy, sustainable, healthy and more than just a repeat of old, habitual patterns.

 

This is a good step for you, and take the relief you felt as a sign of HEALTH, because it's your higher wisdom knowing that you have escaped something which ultimately is not beneficial for your life.

 

You can do better, and you will.

 

Good luck with the journey ahead. It's YOURS.

 

You have your whole life to share what you learn by yourself with another, someday, when it's more right.

 

And I agree, you should stop responding to her texts. I think she's just messing with your head at this point, and it's not fair to you.

[Lifes4Living]

You are not alone here in these feelings and thoughts, I really think or find this site... posting etc to be really good therapy in itself.

 

Theres huge ups and downs along the way, you think you are over the worst then suddenly like a runaway train the emotion just hits you. Just know that this is natural, its ok to be sad.

[Raistlin]

Thank you all for your kind words. I sent her a very long text this morning that, at its core, said 'if you love me, prove it. If not, stop lying to us both'. She responded saying she was drunk last night (like every night) and she won't bother me anymore. So hopefully I won't get another drunken text tonight.

 

As far as therapy, I have no hope that I can be normal and find the happiness I so desperately seek. Maybe break my codependency and learn to stand alone, but still be miserable after all of it. I just want that happiness I see in others, single or not. I view this as my last attempt for myself. If I do this for some time and am unable to correct my issues, I give up. For good.