3 months later

[Leighton]

I'm still a little lost, broken and in love. Only a little.

 

I've come a long way, but I have bad days. Lately, I've been having them often. I'm not going to lie, I do miss him. I find myself thinking of the good times, missing the way my life used to be. Why? I don't know. He was a phony. He was abusive, narcissistic, controlling, mean.. but I still loved him. And I still do.

 

I haven't spoken to him in over a month, and during that time I've never missed him/thought about him as much as I have lately. I don't know if this is normal.. but it sucks. He's with someone else, and I'm not in denial. I know even if I wanted to (which I don't anymore), I'd never get him back. It would be disastrous again.

 

I guess I'm really just missing that year in my life. I was doing something I loved, with someone I loved. And that's all gone, so I want it back.

 

Anyway, just needed to vent. I want this nightmare to be over. I wanna fast forward to 6 months from now, where I'm happy and he's out of my head. *sigh*

[PandaEyes]

i know how you feel. I am sort of in the same place.. but its been 6 months.

 

We havent spoken since the first week of january - and that was via email only. I miss him - or what I wanted to have with him. I dont miss what it was because that was awful - I miss where I wanted to be, maybe you are feeling the same? I miss the good times.

 

I feel really lost some times. the only way I can describe it is - its like I jumped out of a train that was going really fast and had to land running but i keep stumbling and falling.

 

You will be ok.