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What do I do after a successful first date?


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Hey guys (and gals),


I’m brand new to this site, and this is my first post.


I need some help.


Last Friday, I went on my first date ever, which is sorta silly since I’m 21. I’m not ugly, and I’m not socially inept, it’s just that… I had never been on a date since last Friday.


But first, a little info on the girl who I went on the date with. She’s 17, and will be 18 in mid-June. But, that being said, she’s very mature for her age. She’s a really nice girl, probably one of the nicest girls I’ve ever met. The funny thing is, she is the younger sister of my older cousin’s fiancé. I’ve know his fiancé for quite a while now, like three years or so (although it seems a lot longer than that), but not until I ended up going to their church did I meet her younger sister. And anyway, this girl – my cousin’s fiancé’s younger sister – is one of those Christian girls who really acts like a Christian girl. Like I was saying, she is very mature, probably one of the nicest girls I have ever met, she is very wise, and she is very smart. She is pretty much the epitome of the girl who no man would be embarrassed or ashamed of bringing along with him to meet his family at a family get-together. She is very strong, and she has a very big heart.


The way her and I ended up going on a date in the first place is sorta funny. I’ve sensed for quite a while that she is really spunky, almost in a flirtatious way, around me. Whether or not this is just part of her personality – i.e., whether or not she acts like this around everyone – is something I don’t know. Anyway, one day, her mom – who also goes to the church – sent me a message on Facebook, saying that I “should so date [her daughter]”. This threw me for a total loop, as, first off, I had never been on a date before, let alone had a relationship with a girl. And two, I still wasn’t entirely sure if I liked her in that way or not… as a friend, defeniently, but as a girlfriend… I really didn’t feel all that much of anything. But, after prodding from my friends, I sent [the girl] a message on Facebook asking if she had seen Avatar. Turns out, she hadn’t, but had wanted to see it. So, I said that she and I should go see it while it is still in theaters. She said yes, and to my shock – as I had sent this message to her last Wednesday – she said, “let’s do it Friday!”. Well, Friday was a little too soon for my nerves, but I figured, what the heck, just jump on in and do it. So I did.


And it was great. We went to the Olive Garden beforehand, and I paid (of course). While eating, she couldn’t stop laughing at just about everything I said or did. And, half of the time, I wasn’t even meaning to be funny. So, I’m pretty sure that went off well. And, turns out she loved the movie. She told me afterwards that she actually started crying a little bit at the end, plus she told me that it is probably her favorite movie (at the time, I’m guessing). While the credits were rolling, and the music was playing, I gave her a big hug and sorta petted her on the head / ran my fingers through her hair.


Throughout the entire date, I made a conscious effort to not act too interested in her romantically. In fact, I didn’t even really hint at anything or say anything romantic… I treated it like she was just a normal friend. The reason being, I had read just about everywhere that I if I acted too romantic, I would totally scare her off and come accross as creepy and clingy. And, past experience confirms this as truth to me. I did make fun of her a lot… not in a mean way, but in a fun way. And while I acted like I was all high and mighty, I did it in a clearly sarcastic way, saying how great I am in obvious tongue and cheek. And, she was laughing, so I’m sure she got the underlying message: I’m just as “perfect” as everyone else.


So, now with that info laid out before you, I come to you seeking help. I truly had a blast on that date with her. It was a unique, new experience, and I liked it. The problem now is twofold:


1) I’ve come to feel for her more than as a simple friend. I really would like to go out with her now. But, now that I want to, I have to worry about all the issues and problems that brings up for me. Now, I’m probably going to feel more awkward around her than I did when she was just a friend. More is on the line now. And two, and I can already feel this happening, I am going to become attached to her. It’s inevitable. But, I DO NOT want to show or let her know that I am attached, because I’m afraid I’ll come off as clingy. And she stops chasing me and I start chasing her, I’m afraid I’ll chase her too hard and scare her off.


2) It’s a silly feeling, but I feel as though I don’t know what else to talk to her about. On the first date, I feel like I went over just about everything, and now, whatever I say, it will be an old rehash of what I had said before. I don’t know what else I have to offer to make things continually new and preventing the relationship from stagnation. What do I do?


Thanks everyone for the help!

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So you've talked about who you are, your friends, family, your past, what you do now, what you want to do in the future...with her also telling you those aspects of her life. Seems a bit impossible to me. Even if you can't think of anything. Talk about the situation. Things you heard in the news. Things you like. I think you really need to not worry and think about what you're gunna say. You just need to do it. If you two have a genuine connection then conversation should still flow smoothly even if you think you've run out of things to say.

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Have you had no contact with her since Friday?


For a start, I'd at least text her or facebook her to say you had a great time and would like to go out again with her. If you leave it much longer, considering in two days it will be a week, you run the risk of her thinking you're not interested.


Don't go to the movies again - I went out with a guy once who on all three of our dates suggested the movies. It gets old, and you can't do much except sit in the dark together. Go bowling, or to some other attraction together.


Don't worry too much about what to say - like AJEDrew pointed out, you can't possibly have covered absolutely everything about yourselves in one evening!

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