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Not used to give or get attention


Tarkan

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I met some foreign girl on the plane

 

we liked each other, we dated,we kissed. It isn't official yet but we're more or less together. Before leaving for her country ( she'll be back in 10 days ) she called me future bf. This is all great and good but here's the catch:

 

Never

 

Ever

 

In my whole life have I been with someone. Exept maybe for that one relationship 4 years ago that lasted for a month. I think I'm in love and I want the best for her. But I don't know how to handle all the presure. Also, she likes alot of attention but I'm always bothered by the idea of coming over as too strong or too indifferent.

 

I never learned how to do this.

 

The sole fact that we like eachother is rare. I think I've been in love before but I was never loved back. Don't want to mess this up ! pfff, this is all a huge change for me ... I used to have that single's life where I would mostly care about me.

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The problem is that it feels like I have to learn everything over again. I never had to pay attention to a SO, never had to read their feelings. Life as a single is easy ( and boring sometimes ) because you just have to care about you. Well ofcI care about friends and family but it's not the same.

 

With the years, I've become a semi-lazy person that lives on his own rythm of life. Now that someone entered my life, I suddenly have to watch out and look after someone. It's something exiting to do but also exhausting at the same time.

 

Right now it feels like I will never manage to take care of someone. My hart hardened with every year I remained single. I'm like an icecube ... slowly melting.

 

Maybe I should tell her this ... I don't know. I'm very confused at the moment.

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