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sex or no sex


thirteen

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alright so my boyfriend and i have been arguing about sex for a few months now. lately i dont feel comfortable having sex. im not sure if it is how we do it or what but im just not comfortable with it. well that makes my boy unhappy. sooo pretty much what im asking is how important is sex in a relationship to you? and also how often is enough. are you okay with having sex if your partner is not. and do you get moody (mad upset whiney crabby etc.) when you dont get it.

 

i want to know so i am able to see if i am the only person that feels the way i do!!

 

thanks!!

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It depends. For me, sex in a relationship is very important. Thats why they call it making love. Because its a bond between two partners.

 

Youve got to figure out what is really holding you back from sex. Are you guilty? Are you not as attracted to him anymore? Or is your sex drive just low?

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ive had cysts off and on on my ovaries for a while now so it does hurt sometimes but i think its more of the way he acts. i just feel awkward because i feel like he is either dirty or very romantic and im not really that way. i dont know how to explain it but i feel almost embarassed for him. and its always the same thing every time. i mean its almost routine... i dont know im just not into it anymore

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Well you could try being more experimental and start initiating things yourself the way you like it and not leaving everything to him. It takes two people to make a relationship work and that includes sex.

 

ut if you do decide you don't want sex don't be surprised if he leaves.

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Can you talk to him about it? Maybe you could even see a Dr. to make sure your hormone levels are ok. It could be physiological and there may be a reason you have lost your libido...

 

Was there a time when you really did enjoy sex with him? Or has it always been more of a chore for you?

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Sex is very important to me. But I have friends who think it is less important in their relationships.

 

My wife and I average about 4 times a week. But I think it is just as much about the quality as the quantity. Unfortunately, in past relationships, I have found that when the quantity goes down, the quality is usually going down too.

 

I would talk to him and try and figure out (1) what the problem is and (2) what his expectations are. If you don't want to make love with him, maybe you don't love him, or at least not the way you should in a relationship.

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Did you recently start taking birth control pills, or switch to a new kind? I have dealth with ovarian cysts, and the pill they put me on to help with that completely shut down my sex drive. It happened slowly though, so it took me a while to figure out the cause. As soon as I switched to a different type of pill I was back to normal.

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So it's routine to you and the way he approaches things in bed is "dirty" or "very romantic", and neither is the way you are/feel about such things.

 

You really need to talk to him directly about this sort of stuff, and you also need to figure out what YOU want out of sex. I'm sure he's willing to accommodate if it will get the two of you back on track in your sex life.

 

If you stop having sex with him for too long, he will (more than likely) leave you or cheat on you. He won't feel as if you want to be with him anymore or that you find him attractive and he will start looking, even if at first it's unconsciously, somewhere else.

 

 

The person i sleep with is so into it that when i dont sleep with him he gets really mad and wants to hit me i get really scared n just have to give in to him even if i just stay there n do nothing, hoping that soon those things will come to an end.

 

Also, hello emotional abuse (and possibly physical)! Get out of that relationship now!

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im not on any birthcontrol. in i stopped taking it because it was changing me. emotionally mostly. im thinking about going back on it but i have a hard time with the emotional instability. i would love to talk to him if i knew exactly why i didnt want to have sex. and its not just that i dont want to have sex with him. in general i dont want sex...

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