Is quiet and shy that much of a turn off?

[bebeblondie]

I am a shy and quiet person when I first meet someone, and meeting men I like hasn't come easy to me. I am fairly attractive, I am not full figured but can afford to lose a couple of pounds, however since I am pretty tall I am able to hide it well.

 

I was having a conversation this morning with my best friend (who can be critical at times) and was expressing my concern over the new study that came out which said women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30, and I am 28. I think out of all my friends I am the one who wants children the most and that is the driving force as to why I am desperate to meet a man so quickly.

 

My friend is married and has two children, she's always been telling me that I need to hurry up and meet someone. She's very outgoing and aggressive so for her it's always been easier to meet men.

 

The reason she thinks I can't meet someone is because she says I am painfully shy and picky, and that I need to loosen up around men (which I agree with). There have been times where I felt really comfortable around a man and I was able to be my complete self however those times have been few and far between. Also when I start seeing somebody I know my friends can be a bit much so I try not to bring them around until I've been seeing the person a couple of months. My friend said when I start seeing someone I should double or triple date so that it would be more fun. I disagree with this because I think when you start dating someone you should be able to spend time alone together and just enjoy each others company, and then eventually you can go out in groups.

 

Also with the men I've dated in the past when we're alone together I think we do have interesting conversations, but there are also moments of silence however I am ok with that but I understand how others may not be.

 

Anyway I was just wondering what you guys think about all this. All opinions are welcome!

[ichiban]

Not a turn off, but if the guy is shy too, there can be awkward moments of silence. Perhaps, a great first date would be to a museum where moments of silence would not be seen as awkward and of course the more outrageous the museum, the more topics to converse over.

[jul-els]

Trying to meet someone out of a sense of urgency is not the best way to build a solid foundation for a healthy and happy relationship. But that said, it could happen, it just puts the odds against your favor. You should be committed to someone because you truly love them, not just because your clock is ticking, imo.

 

On the subject of being quiet and shy, I wouldn't think most men find that to be a deterrent or a turn off. You just have to find someone who appreciates those qualities. I'm sure there's plenty of men who do.

[sweetdslollipop]

It might be. I feel like being a shy and quiet male is better than being a shy and quiet female unfortunately. When someone says I'm attracted to the quiet and mysterious type, it's usually a girl talking about a male. We have to work harder in the dating game than our fellow quiet males. Just work on being the best outgoing version of yourself that you can be by developing your social, conversation, and flirting skills, make sure your social life is where you want it to be, and you should be okay. (I hope because that's what I'm working on doing. lol)

[bebeblondie]

It might be. I feel like being a shy and quiet male is better than being a shy and quiet female unfortunately. When someone says I'm attracted to the quiet and mysterious type, it's usually a girl talking about a male. We have to work harder in the dating game than our fellow quiet males. Just work on being the best outgoing version of yourself that you can be by developing your social, conversation, and flirting skills, make sure your social life is where you want it to be, and you should be okay. (I hope because that's what I'm working on doing. lol)

 

See that's the thing my social life is not where I want it to be. I have a lot of friends but most of them are married and in relationships and I constantly feel like the third wheel around them. I have one friend who is single she's in her mid thirties and does not seem to be too interested in meeting anybody I think she's disenheartened by the whole dating thing that she's practically given up on itand I'm terrified of that happening to me. My other friends are guys and when I go out with them nobody approaches me for obvious reasons.

[jul-els]

Why don't you have your guy friends help you break the ice when meeting new people? He can be your wingman. Point out which guy you like to your friend and approach him. You can turn a liability into an asset that way.

[sweetdslollipop]

Time for some new friends. Or when you go out with your guy friends, spend some time away from them. Explore the place and mingle with people on your own.

[g84]

I feel like being a shy and quiet male is better than being a shy and quiet female unfortunately. When someone says I'm attracted to the quiet and mysterious type, it's usually a girl talking about a male. We have to work harder in the dating game than our fellow quiet males.

 

I think it's mostly the other way around. It can be a bit challenging for both, but i would think it's slightly more so for the male who's on the shy side. There is the expectation for the guys to kind of put themselves out there first (although anyone, girl or guy can do it). My friend was very shy when she met her bf, but it didn't matter to him (and he was on the more outgoing side).

[sweetdslollipop]

I just never heard a guy say I like the mysterious and quiet type. Most guys I know like outgoing and bubbly girls.

[g84]

I duno, but overall i wouldn't think it's easier for shy guys. Maybe you're thinking more of naturally introverted/reserved guys as opposed to guys who deal with shyness or anxiety. I've always heard shy guys saying that they feel it holds them back and they want to work on it.

[sweetdslollipop]

Yea, I don't think it's that much better for shy girls either because we are expected to be able to flirt, be confident, and not look stuck up if we want to get approached.

[Taikero]

I just never heard a guy say I like the mysterious and quiet type. Most guys I know like outgoing and bubbly girls.

 

I don't mind if a girl is quiet around other people, especially those she doesn't know well. It helps when the girl is approachable though.

 

What I do mind is if she can't communicate well with me once I get to know her.

 

You don't have to be outgoing and bubbly (that can be annoying if overdone), but you certainly have to be able to talk about important things and you preferably aren't a complete bore. Having things going on in her life is great because it gives the two of us something to talk about. If her life is boring, if she keeps up on current events, either in the news, in entertainment, whatever, that certainly helps keep things fresh.

 

Develop/Have an enthusiasm for something at least, and share it with someone you care about. Even if they don't understand it, if they care about you it'll make them happy just to see you excited and happy about something.

[blackjack89]

I just never heard a guy say I like the mysterious and quiet type. Most guys I know like outgoing and bubbly girls.

 

I find shy girls kind of cute, actually. I'm very inhibited myself though, whatever that might mean.

[g84]

Yea, I don't think it's that much better for shy girls either because we are expected to be able to flirt, be confident, and not look stuck up if we want to get approached.

 

I understand, but i think that even doing some little things can help counteract shyness a bit. Looking others in the eye when speaking, trying to smile here and there. If a person doesn't smile at all and doesn't seem interested in interacting, then that's where i think shyness would need more work. Also, i thought that shy guys worry just as much about how to to flirt or be confident, some might say more so.