Girlfriend won't return calls or answer e-mails after a fight

[allday28]

So here is the quick background story of the fight:

 

My girlfriend likes to not talk after and sometimes even run away from arguments. In the past I've gotten her to talk about about 12 hours, but it was after me hounding her to do so. She told me that in the future I should just leave her be until she's ready.

 

3 days ago we got into an argument when we were both drunk. I will admit to being quite a bit more drunk than her. It was about how I am more interested in my guy friends than her when we're all together, which she has brought up before. I'm not sure on all of the details, because I was drunk enough not to remember exactly what was said, but I do know that I ended up really offending her when her protective brother was brought up, and I said if he ever tried to do anything to me I'd kick his a$$. Definitely not cool on my part.

 

She immediately stormed out of the bar and went to my place to gather all of her things and left without any note or explanation (she was supposed to be staying with me until the end of February, when she will be moving into a new apartment).

 

I tired calling her that night, but her phone had been turned off. I left her a calm message, explaining how I was wrong to say those stupid things, and that I was sad to see she had gathered all her things and left.

 

The next morning I called again, her phone rang, but she didn't pick up. I left another calm message explaining how I felt awful, and that I wanted to apologize to her face to face for the things I said.

 

I then wrote her an e-mail, apologizing, because a voicemail did not give me enough time to get out everything I needed to get out.

 

It's been about 3 full days and I haven't heard from her, but I haven't tried contacting her again after the first day.

 

How do I approach this situation from here on out? We were supposed to go on a date tonight that I had to RSVP for, and I'm really bummed that she won't get back to me.

 

How long do I go until I assume she's broken up with me? I don't think she would be the type to walk out without some sort of explanation, but then again, I'm not sure.

 

Also, she still has a picture of her and I as her display picture on Facebook, if that means anything.

 

Where do I go from here?

[JusticeLaw9]

She needs to stop crawling under a rock everytime after an argument occurs and stop being afraid to face you. Obivously there's an issue that needs to be addressed. That doesn't make what you did all that better either; threatening to kick her brother's tail, that was a no-no. They're family and remember blood is thicker than water. In the meantime, give her the space she needs to recover from this incident and just let her have that until she's ready to talk.

[faithful14]

You should just let her be by herself until she is ready to talk to you. She asked you to do that when you guys get into an argument, so just do that.

[nicki.nicki]

I think she's over reacting a bit espically to gather her things to move out earlier than expected and not to contact you at all. I understand she might be angry or upset, but you've attempt to say sorry many times.

 

It almost seems like she may enjoy you trying to 'crawl' back to her and say sorry and 'chase' her a little bit.

 

While it sucks when you get into fights, you've tried with no answer, i'd let her cool down and get in touch with you. Cant keep chasing her to say sorry.

[JackAfrica]

3 days ago we got into an argument when we were both drunk. I will admit to being quite a bit more drunk than her.

 

Getting drunk and picking arguments ? OK, so lots of folk do that, but it is still stupid.

 

Let me give you a tip. When you are in the wrong, by all means apologize, but do it ONCE and then back off and get on with the important business of your life.. Any additional attempts to say sorry before she responds amount to grovelling, and no man should ever do that.

[monkeygirl12]

before my bf and I realized all the immature factors in our relationship, I could have written your post. we would fight after drunken situations, leave the club he'd say mean things, Id say mean things he'll get his stuff and we wont talk for 2 days and then boom we would be back ......this is a pattern that if it hasnt happened before should be stopped now while things can be salvaged. Give her room to breathe but when you talk to her let her know that you undersand needing time to cool off but if after you apologize she starts punishing you by not speaking to you for 3 days you wont put up with it and if its going to happen again you might as well part ways. bc think of this, life is not promised to anyone anything could happen to you and she would regret not speaking to you, and vise versa!!! if you love someone you let them know daily that you're thinkin of them,bc you never know when it could be too late.

[allday28]

It is now Monday afternoon and the fight happened last Thursday night....still no word from her. Her favorite football team, The New Orleans Saints just won the Super Bowl last night, so I sent her a text saying "Congrats, what a game". No response to that.

 

She still hasn't changed her display photo of her and I on her Facebook page, and I know she is on there daily. This makes me believe that she's either still deciding on whether or not we should stay together, or she's punishing me by using the silent treatment.

 

She has told me in the past to leave her alone in these situations, so I'm sticking to that. But at what point do I go to her and ask what comes next? If this error in judgment is grounds for a breakup in her eyes, I'd like to hear it from her. I guess maybe I'm being impatient, but I'm preparing for a huge exam (which decides whether or not I become a licensed attorney) and this is proving to be a big distraction.

 

Oh yeah, I should also mention that I have never been great at dealing with stress. I have a feeling my inability to handle the stress of this exam was what caused my misdirected anger onto her in the first place. I did mention that in my apology, but did not use it as an excuse.

 

How long do I give her before I ask what's in store for "us"? A full week? Longer?

[faithful14]

I think you have done all that you can and now it's up to her to come and talk to you. It's really immature of her to do something like this. Most people would like to work things out and just move on so this is just a pretty childish thing to do, IMO.

 

You have a big exam to study for so I would focus on that. You have done what you can to get her to come talk to you and she won't budge. As stressful as it is, you need to focus on something else right now, which is your exam. If and when she is ready to talk to you, she will. It will be annoying to wait it out but you don't have to wait for her. This is a mean thing to do to someone. Set your own timeline of how long you want to wait and if she makes no effort to reconcile or work things out, I would just leave. I mean, do you really want to deal with someone who just runs off every time after an argument ?

[thejigsup]

I do this and it keeps me from slapping my bf silly or saying hurtful things. I know I can do that if I get angry, so I go away for a few hours or days. He does the same thing so it doesn't really bother either one of us. When we get back together, we always talk calmly about what happened. It works for us. You were acting in a very inappropriate manner. Give her a few more days. You were drunk and said some really terrible things. Why should she hurry back to you?

[nicki.nicki]

I do this and it keeps me from slapping my bf silly or saying hurtful things. I know I can do that if I get angry, so I go away for a few hours or days. He does the same thing so it doesn't really bother either one of us. When we get back together, we always talk calmly about what happened. It works for us. You were acting in a very inappropriate manner. Give her a few more days. You were drunk and said some really terrible things. Why should she hurry back to you?

 

He might have been acting inapproriate, but it seemed he was a bit drunk. Its not an excuse, but it is a reason why. You dont censor yourself as much.

 

I think she is sulking, holding a grudge and doing it on purpose. To stay mad at him for this long, with out any form of contact is childish. if she wants space, fine, but how hard is it to text back.

 

I couldn't put up with it if my bf just vanished for days and days with out a word from him or reply if we had a fight. I may not see him in person, but i would still like to know if he is ok.

[JackAfrica]

How long do I give her before I ask what's in store for "us"? A full week? Longer?

 

Big mistake because you are then giving her a lot MORE power that she deserves. You are entering a low level panic, and it is being triggered by her deliberate silent sulk. She wants you to do exactly what you are talking of doing - grovelling and pleading to know whether you and she are still in a relationship.

Dude, man up - YOU decide that, not her.