My GF's Pregnant i think, and my lifes a mess!!

[Gio83]

Hi, i dont really have anyone to talk to so thought that maybe i could get advice from somebody who can understand the situation im in.

 

I'v been seeing my gf for about 18months now and its been a long distance relationship (400miles apart). We have had good times and sum bad if im honest but we always pull through and i truly love her with all my heart. She is my 1st love and iv always dremt of being with her for good since the moment i met her.

 

I am 21 this year and my gf is 20. We see each other the best we can and enjoy the time when we can meet up. I last saw her 6 weeks ago and she foned me this morning to tell me that she thinks shes pregnant. She did a test as soon as she woke in the morning and then did another at lunch time, both came up positive. Shes about 2 weeks late with her period but has always been a bit irregular given a week or two. I dont really know how i reacted to the news i was just dumbstruck when i heard her tell me she thinks im going to be a dad. I feel pertty bad in a sense that iv maybe taken her youth away from her by letting this happen. I understand were both equally responsible.

 

The problem is the distance we are apart, shes always wanted me to move to be with her but im just the sorta person who is scared to take risks in life. Im very close to my family and still live with them(she lives with hers), and to be honest im absolutley petrified of wot tomorrow is going to bring. Iv felt like this before the news today but i dont want this to make things any worse for both of us.

 

My parents are old fashioned in a sense that it isnt right to have a family when not married, my father especially. I think my gf's parents would react the same way but she told me that if its going to happen then people will come round and accept things through time. I wish i had her optimistic view.

 

In one way i feel joy that she is very likely carrying my child, but im so scared of concequences. Are we too young to cope? Will our familys support us? i dont know!

 

My gf started crying to me saying that she doesnt want to abort a child because its a living person. I see her point of view and havent made any comment about whether abortion would be right or wrong, im just dazed and confused. She said shes scared i walk away now because of this and to be honest i cant let that happen, if she is pregnant, its our baby and i have to take responsibility. Iv always been glad to have my mum and dad together and wouldnt want a child growing up without the support of their parents.

 

Iv just finished university but im not sure if i want to find a career in what i did at uni, i guess i should find work ok as i did well at school and uni but i worry that if i have responsibilities that i may not be able to support people who may depend on me. It really scares me. My gf says i always have to plan things years in advance, always assessing the risks of life before it happens and not enjoying it. Just the sorta guy i am i guess.

 

My gf has booked an appointment for the doctors in 2 days time, i guess more will be clear then but im still really scared and feel alone with nobody i can talk to about this.

 

I really dont wana move away for good i would miss my family and i think my mum and dad would possibly go downhill without me around as im a big part of their life. I know i have to make my own life but im scared about how to do it, and now things have just got harder. Im not sure if my dad would disown me for getting my gf pregnant, he always goes on at me that everythings ok as long as i dont make a mistake like that.

 

Im so confused, i feel like killing myself but i know it wouldnt resolve anything, i just want to make everyone in my life happy but i cant see a way of doing it. Really dont wana wake up some days because of the pressures.

 

I would be greatful if anyone could maybe advise me, maybe somebody has experienced something similar, any comments would be apprecaited.

[CrimsonRegret]

I honestly don't know wether to congratulate you, or send you my sympathies, but I can tell you a couple of things. Three years ago, my cousin met a girl and got her pregnant, 5 months later the baby was born pre mature and unfortunately did not make it. At the time, they were 16 years old. Recently, the same thing happened between the same two people, but this time the baby made it. They are still young, only 18 years old and only the father has a highschool education, its hard for them, people in our family are much the same way as yours when it comes to having a family, but in all honesty, it doesn't always work that way, and people will eventually accept it. You are older than my cousins, I immagine the circumstances are also better, and you seem very much in love with your girlfriend. She most likely really needs you right now, and she & your child would take on more importance than your parents, eventually they will learn to cope with the absense of you being with them, eventhough it seems they never will. We make some mistakes, we deal with them, we learn from them, and we do all we can to make it right. You have the chance to make a family right now, it may have come earlier than you like, but its setting right in front of you. I know this doesn't really anwser any questions, but I hope it opens the slight possibility that things will work out, even though they are hard. The best of luck to you.

[may222]

hEY YOU KNOW THAT CHILD COULD BE THE BEST THING THAT EVERY HAPPENED TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. This had happened to my bro and you know what my parents were the same as your parents. My brother had a worser situation he never even went to university. My parents learned that the son he had was the best thing that had happened to him because he live was hard and everything he faced was a challenge. Him and the mother of his child live in different cities and they are not together my parents till him that he should go with her but they have thier differences he at least sees his baby and i get to see my nefew. When you think that things are bad they get better.

[woundedflower]

hey

 

I know its a scary situation, my really good guy friend and my best friend jsut had there baby. HE was horrable to her at first but then he changeed his whole life around. He works at a mill he only has high school ed they have a nice place and things worked out great for them.

 

Her parents were upset and mad at her till the baby was born but who can reject a baby when there so cute. Everythign for them worked out in the long run.

 

Just give it a real thought.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I totally understand your situation except I was the young girl, 17 to be exact, when I got pregnant. At least you still love her and are wanting to do the right thing. My boyfriend left me, of course he was only 17 and I didn't really expect him to stick around. I can tell you what I did but in the end it is YOUR CHOICE. There is always a choice, even in this situation. I think if you look at it like that, you won't feel so overwhelmed. I was terrified. Afraid my family would reject me, etc., just like you. But you are 3 years older than I was. I don't really think your age is that bad to be a father, but I understand that you weren't ready for it. To make a long story short, I focused 100% on providing for my child, without the father. I realize your situation is reversed, however, I think the underlying factor is, that you have to think of the child AND your girlfriend, AND yourself and NOT your other family members right now. What's the worst that could happen? They could disown you, but it's highly unlikely, especially after the shock wears off. Both sets of parents will probably be very supportive once all the excitement of the initial announcement wears off and I'm almost sure they'll want to help in any way they can.... grandparents are just like that. And so what if they don't? You will survive..... I know the outlook is grim right now, believe me, I know, but it really isn't that bad. Look at it like this: If she is indeed pregnant, there is nothing you can do to change that, so you just have to look at your options..... which are many: have the child and live with your g/f and help support them both; have the child and do not live with your g/f and pay child support; have the child and put it up for adoption; and of course, if you both agree, the grim choice of abortion. Even though not all of these are things you may have thought of, they ARE all choices. I think once you look at things like that, the choice will be clear to you and your girlfriend and after you talk about it, I'm sure you can support each other through this with a decision that is right for you and your particular situation. Remember, the "disowning from the family" thing is LAST right now! They can't kill you and they can't eat you!!!

 

Good luck!

[CandleInTheWind]

I don't think it's advisable to stay together only "for the kids" ....but from what you wrote, It sounds like you already wanted to be with her in the future before this pregnancy even occurred. So if there's ever a time you need to be there for her, it's definitely NOW. Don't rush into a marriage if it doesn't feel comfortable. Just be there for her and take things one day at a time.

 

You especially have to do what is best for you and your future child, not what is best for your parents. You are going to BE A PARENT....so now you have a new family to make your first prority. Moving might be the best decision for you, your girlfirend, and your future child. These are things you need to discuss with her in great detail. One thing is for sure: While "long distance" relationships may work on a romantic level, they don't work with a parent-child relationship. You need to be deeply involved in your child's life (whether you move, or she moves, etc). Honestly though, as a woman if I were pregnant I'd want to be close to my mother when I went through that experience, so I don't expect her to want to move to where you are. You might have to be the one to make the move. She will be dealing with a lot of things: the physical aspects fof the pregnancy, caring for a newborn, potential post-partum depression...etc. It's my opinion that she may need her family nearby more than you would during this time.

 

You sound very attached to your parents. That is good because they can serve as a reliable source of support and love for you, but it can be bad if it keeps you from doing what you need to do in this situation. If your parents love you as much as you seem to love them, they will support you through this experience, and they will understand if you have to re-locate.

 

You need to be there for this baby, and it is going to take sacrifice on your part. That is what parenting is all about. The good thing is that it sounds like both you and your girlfriend want this child, you're just a little scared. That's all very normal. You are young, but you at least completed college and you are in love with the mother of your child, so this can work. This doesn't have to be "bad" news. Things don't always go as planned in life, and it's ok. Sometimes you just need to "go with it". This baby could be a blessing to you.

 

I really wish you the best!!!

[Ingrid]

Remember your childhood, were you a happy child? Or did you always lack something ? If you love your girlfriend, you can always marry and have kids later.

 

If you have a kid now, you will be resentful for being pressured, she will be resentfull because at your age you can't be a super good provider, the child will be resentful with his parents forever if they cannot supply all the best for him. Do you want to have a low self-esteem child, do you want to have a jealous child ?

 

Having a child is not a game. You must choose to have a child consciously. May be she got pregnant to consolidate your relationship.

 

Be careful. A lot of children end up in drugs, etc... You must be responsible.

 

Good luck!

[MIZZJERZEY]

i was 17 also when i got pregnant. he was 15 so it was hard for us both. we had our baby at 16 and 18 but we now have a son and yes we r not together but he takes very good care of his son as u i know would. as long as u r there for him/her then all would be good. if u dont believe in abortion then dont do it. be strong and hold ur head up and believe in urself and then the answers will all come to you. if u love her support her decisions let us know what happens.