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Confused and don't know what to think..


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Confusion has set in and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'll try to make this less confusing to you. I thought maybe just writing this out would make me feel better or maybe understand it myself. I guess we'll see. If any one has advice, it would be greatly appreciated.


I had recently moved to a small town and quickly became known as a city girl in a country town. I started working at a store in town and quickly became friends with everyone. Including one of the upper managers, Brian. I really didn't know what Brian's story was or anything, but knew that I really

did like him. We'd been talking and getting to know each other for 7 months and then he asked me out to dinner. So we ended up going to dinner and back to his place where we talked all night. He sent me an email the next day (cuz I was off from work) and said that he had a great time and that he couldn't wait for next time. Dinner, drinks, late night talking, kissing (and everything that comes with dating) continued for 3 months and he then put a 'label' on us. We were officially boyfriend/girlfriend.


Now during that 3 months of dating, I started learning more about him. He was with his high school sweetheart for 6 yrs, they broke up cuz he got a better job and she didn't want to move to a new city. He then dated someone else that worked at the same store we worked at, they broke up after 10 months. On weekends, he'd run to another small town where his family lived and stay there on the weekends, coming home Sunday nights. Seeing him in action, I began to realize he was a workaholic. I'd see him mostly on weeknights and the occasional weekends if he didn't go home. I then got sick. We'd call or text or facebook, but it was still hard..cuz I was missing work (which is primarily where we saw each other). When I was finally feeling better, it was still a strain to see each other. But through everything that was happening, we still enjoyed each other. We loved being

around each other. And it was then he was sent away on a business trip. Now it was only a week but it was still tough. I knew he'd be busy so I didn't expect much communication. I got 4 texts. 2 of those were pictures. When he had landed and was his way home, I was excited, I was feeling better and

couldn't wait to see him. Well, that would have to wait, I was working a late shift and by the time I got off, he was sleeping. So the next day when I saw him at work, he was a little different. He was already done w/work for the day and I was still scheduled to work a bit later then him. When I was

going back to grab my stuff, he texted me and told me that he had sent me an email and to read it when I got home. Well, I wasn't going to wait, so I read it on my phone and it essentially said 'I need to know where you see us going. You know I was hesitant on dating someone I work with. I just can't give us the time we deserve.' I was blown away. I didn't expect it. I went over to his place and he asked me what I thought. I told him that I see could this working and that I could see myself falling in love him. He said, that he just couldn't do it, that he just didn't have the time. So he broke up with

me. Needless to say I was devastated.


Fast forward, 4 months later. I was still having a hard time with it cuz we do work together. We began talking again. And it was actually Brian that started it. He caught me in our breakroom one day and said that he missed me and our conversations. It started slowly. We started talking again. That led to

hanging out again. I'd start going over to his place and he to mine. We'd cuddle on the couch or in bed (nothing intimate or physical). Began holding hands. Taking trips together. We are back to where we were before, except no 'label'. And now, I'm confused. I don't know what to think or do. I've known this man for 2 years, dated on and off for a year. And I'll honestly tell you that I'm in love with this man. I've never said 'I love you' and neither has he. I told him the other night that one of our friends asked about us and asked if we were dating and I told Brian that I said we weren't cuz we hadn't confirmed or anything and his response was 'don't put a label on it, that changes everything'.


All of our friends tell me that, yes, he does love you, he just doesn't know what he wants. So this is where the confusion comes in. I don't know what to think. Is he scared? Am I wasting my time? I just don't know anymore. Its just so frustrating. Its really hard to compete with a job. And in all honesty, my heart can't take another broken heart from him.


Thanks for listening!

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Hey it sounds to me that when you were in the officaly labeld relationship he felt like he wasnt able to give you the time attention and affection that you deserved where as when you were just meeting up and spending time together he didnt owe it to you you just did it because you enjoyed spending time together.

It sounds to me that you both do care about each other a great deal he just doesnt think he can make you as happy as you deserve to be, what you need to do is show him that no matter how oftern you get to see him you are always happiest when you are with him. It sounds like when your not together that he has more time for you prehaps he thinks that as well and thats why your not together.

Id like to add that a relationship is no diffrent to any friendship it is just an extension of it so to put the label of you two being together on it means very little they are only words but you know how much he means to you and I think you know how much you mean to him dont get so concerned with the little things just enjoy everything that you have.

If you want to ask me anything or expand feel free to reply or inbox me

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think only time will give you the clarity you're looking for.


I can understand how you are feeling the way you do. What a crumby place to be in. I guess I would suggest that if you feel that you can wait and "want" to wait around to see where his head is at, then go ahead and do so. If, however, you're at that point where you're ready to start thinking about settling down and having a family then I might suggest moving on. I don't get the sense from you that this man has any clear picture of what he wants. He may just want to "have fun" in a non-serious kind of way.

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