She called, going back on NC

[kvb10]

The ex just called. I answered. NC broken after 7 days.

 

She basically was doing the closure call. I now know that it's over and somehow I am actually okay with it now and feeling like it is the right thing. I stayed strong, stayed positive but was also not like overly positive and fake. I kept it small talk. She brought up the relationship first. I told her not to worry about me and she said of course she is going to worry about me. But I told her that I really am going to be fine and that she is going to be fine too. We agreed that the best way to get through this was NC. We didn't put a time stamp on it but basically just said we'll do NC, heal and then try to be friends.

 

She also told me one thing she realized this week is that she doesn't want to be in another relationship for a long time (when she broke up with me she said she was in love with someone else) and I told her that I thought that was a good idea to give herself time to heal and find herself. She said she is already starting to feel better being out of a relationship. (She didn't have to rub it in!) She said that she had lost some weight and I said I had lost a couple of pounds too and that I am approaching the best shape I've ever been in and she said "well you're welcome". I felt that was kind of rude (but i didnt say anything). She immediately apologized. I guess she'll probably be kicking herself later for saying that. I asked if she had anything else she wanted to tell me and she said she said everything she wanted to say and asked if I needed to say anything and I said just that I don't want her worrying about me, we're both going to get through this and heal and that I am sorry for the mistakes I made in our relationship. She said she's sorry too. Then I wished her well and the best and she did too and we said bye.

 

I stayed strong and I didn't sound desperate or sad.

 

I have gone through so many emotions in this first week of NC. But now I have a different one. I feel kind of indifferent. I was actually having a good day today and feeling positive. I mean, I do not feel mad or angry now, just kind of indifferent. Not sure if that makes sense. Basically, I wasn't like excited or happy to be talking to her. It was more just awkward and I didn't know what to say

 

Anyways, thanks for all the advice everyone has given me here. Because of the advice I was able to stay strong, not bring up the relationship first, not talk too much (its easy for me to put my foot in my mouth), and not apologize for little things I've done wrong. Granted I did say sorry for the mistakes that I made, but at the moment I felt it was good for my closure because I know that we both made mistakes which led to the ending of the relationship. But I didn't go into details.

 

The only thing I would have done differently is not talk so long (we small talked a lot) but in the moment it became nostalgic and somehow wanted to hold on. There were actually several moments of silence so I am sure she was thinking the same thing.

 

That is the ending of my relationship. I am now going to move on, naturally going to miss her at times, but I think it's going to be okay.

[HouseKitten]

Good to hear this wasn't a terribly negative experience for you. In fact it sounds like it actually gave you some peace

[kvb10]

I do have some peace about it.. like I know it's over...

 

But now I am just really distracted again and thinking about it all again. Wish she hadn't called.

[Kaytie]

I am so glad to read that you got some closure and are now feeling a bit better. As you know, I'm in a similar space right now - still sad, still a little in shock about her leaving, but kind of indifferent and determined to move on.

 

Even though you feel better overall I am sure the conversation was still emotionally draining so it's no wonder you feel distracted and a little down. The good thing, though, is that you are making progress bit by bit. I'd say you've lived through the darkest moments in the past week and can now begin the work of focusing on YOU. Of course you'll have ups and downs - we all know it's not a linear healing process. BUT, it's a sign, a light at the end of the tunnel - hope that you will be fine without her.

 

BIG hugs to you kvb10.