4 Years coming to an End. HELP!

[tuatara]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 years. Recently she has very low self esteem, depression, anxiety, a heck of a lot of trouble in her life.

 

I lied to her in the first year about a phone call with an ex, and that has been a scaring trust issue for her in our relationship.

 

I have never cheated on her, but all these little things keep adding up with old exs contacting me or she finds old letters somewhere. I manage to cut off all the exs completely in the first year.

 

4 years down the road my girlfriend had the last straw.

 

A mutual friend of ours (lets call her Anna) was causally saying a friend (girl) of mine (lets call her Sarah )was hanging onto me like a puppy. And she also brought up that one time when a group of us were playing golf , Annas friend thought Sarah and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm guessing thats because I was the only one Sarah was talking to, there was no physical stuff what so ever.

 

So my girlfriend was thinking about all that and was obviously unsettled about it. But to top it off I told my girlfriend a week before this news that Sarah was planning a trip to Europe. I was going to be with my family in Italy at the same time and I said I would meet up with Sarah if she came to Italy. Those plans didnt work because our schedule didnt meet up, but the idea was just to much for my girlfriend after she matched it up with the stuff that Anna just told her.

 

I had zero bad intentions here. But I can see how a little miss trust can twist everything around and make it look terrible.

 

I think my girlfriend is just more fed up with the guilty/jealousy feeling that she has to go through then the actual truth of the stories or events that come up.

 

I don't know what to do. I want her to feel secure, but even the smallest things just start brewing a storm in her head.

[JusticeLaw9]

Always keep your ex's or any potential hopeful's far far away from your relationship. The only opposite sexes you keep are your true friends. Ex's will screw your relationship up. I hope things workout with you and the four years. In the future, even if it's the smallest thing, tell the truth about it. And or, don't put yourself in a situation where you'd have to lie about something like that.

[jettison]

In the end, people want to spend time with people that make them feel good about themselves. It's the strongest attraction possible. So, whether your fault, her fault, someone else's fault, or no one's fault at all, if she ceases to feel good being with you or being your girlfriend, she'll want it to stop. It doesn't have to be right or wrong, or even make any sense.

 

If she feels bad enough then she will build walls to keep you out so that she won't have to feel bad anymore. Sometimes, those walls will even include vilifying you or painting you in a bad light because it's easier to deal with someone you're getting rid of this way then have to live with the daily guilt of it all.