Dealing with someone who twists everything you say around...

[HellFrost666]

This seems like such a juvenile thing. But after dealing with someone like this for so long it gets pretty old.

 

This person is an online friend of mine (no one from here.) We used to get along fine, but lately I feel more and more like I have to walk on eggshells with this person. Like, f.e. I am friends with them on a forum... I post on the forum that I am pissed off today. And what pissed me off has nothing to do with them. But it results in an angry PM from them chewing me out about how I am using cryptic methods of intimidation to guilt trip them, etc etc etc... I PM back and say that's not true I wasn't even talking about them. And then I get some response from them on the lines of "Oh, so your saying I am too stupid to know what's going on here then, Way to swipe at my intelligence."

 

I could tell them the weather is nice here and they'll come back with something like "Oh, so you think you're better then me because you live in a place with better weather?" It's ridiculous.

 

This is a forum I've been a part of for a long time. I've had so many nasty run ins with this person that I've considered leaving...

 

The last interaction I had with this person, I said something that (in there opinion) was too short. I was in a hurry and wrote my post really fast. I get this message from them not too long after chewing me out about how they know "my tone." and this must mean we aren't friends anymore, etc.

 

I know the easiest thing to do is cut all contact with them. But I wouldn't be posting this thread if I didn't think there was something worth saving here. This person is my friend and all is fine most of the time. When I say one wrong thing though, it seems like it takes so long to smooth it over.

 

I don't want to leave the forum. And I am sick and tired of dealing with this person's childishness. They are ten years older then me and act like an 8th grader.

[cazmoore]

I've cut friends out of my life who are like that, and I've blantently told them why. I can't stand that drama in my life, and if they want to interpret everything I say, as some sort of stab at THEM, they can P1ss off. I have no time for that, and I only want to surround myself with people who are positive.

 

I realize that in the end, they actually have a problem. They have some real, deep rooted issues.

 

The person I'm talking about was actually a friend at first, for years.. and then became a boyfriend, and then we broke up because of that, and we couldn't even stay friends because every facebook status I posted, they personalized it. Even profile pictures I'd put up. I deleted him from my life and wrote him an email why and explaining why. He didn't take it too well but it was either that, or have him ruin me and my day. Every day. We've only recently started talking but I'm dating someone and have been for a while. The same sort of pattern started to re-emerge and I reminded him that I had no problem cutting ties from him. I had to nip it in the bud, or else. He's quite happy keeping me in his life even if it's at arms length. It's not much of a friendship, but that's all I'm willing to give.

 

I don't know. Some friends can just be too toxic to keep around. Maybe this person is one of them.

[jul-els]

If he or she just keeps it up incessantly, I would block them. It's fine to have an off day once in awhile, but all the time is too exhausting.

[HellFrost666]

And something else... whenever I have any retaliation against them, they turn it all around on me and try to convince me that I am the one with the problem. They know that I have some mental problems, and they've used this against me a few times.

 

I've often wondered if this person is a narcissist. Since they think everything is about them they're obviously self obsessed.

 

They've had a few brief conversations with my girlfriend and nothing unpleasant was said in those conversations. Then afterwards I get to be grilled by this person about if my girlfriend and I talked bad about them. And even if I tell them no we didn't, well then I get called a liar and they insist my girlfriend and I talk bad about them. I just want to ask them how old they are and are they aware they're acting like a child. I've often wondered if this person is really the age they say they are and not some teenager. As if my girlfriend and I have nothing better to do then sit around and talk about them?

 

I tried putting them on my ignore list once on this forum. After the angry, guilt tripping emails, they went to the admins of the forum and tried to get me in trouble.

[cazmoore]

Wow, why are you friends with them? That's not a friend.

[turnip]

Sounds like paranoia.Some people imagine they are being tricked ,talked about,laughed at or set up etc. You dont have to do a thing to provoke it.

 

Or the friend could be jealous ,resenting,bitter or hurt ,from personal loss or your sucesses . Such as having a girlfriend. And instead of saying so pick at any little thing you do or say. In that case best to ask outright if they are mad at you and why. "Retaliation" didnt sound good to me.. its petty and a friend doesnt retaliate even when the other deserves it... However it might be completely out of your control and nothing to do with you.

[HellFrost666]

Wow, why are you friends with them? That's not a friend.

 

I don't really know anymore... I used to talk a lot with them about music mostly, but the conversations got more and more personal. Then they started getting weird on me.

 

So I tried cutting ties, they tried getting me in trouble on the forum and bombarded me with guilt tripping, pissed off emails.

 

So, I've tried to remain civil with them, while keeping a healthy distance at the same time.

 

It's just hard finding that balance.

[HellFrost666]

Sounds like paranoia.Some people imagine they are being tricked ,talked about,laughed at or set up etc. You dont have to do a thing to provoke it.

 

Or the friend could be jealous ,resenting,bitter or hurt ,from personal loss or your sucesses . Such as having a girlfriend. And instead of saying so pick at any little thing you do or say. In that case best to ask outright if they are mad at you and why. "Retaliation" didnt sound good to me.. its petty and a friend doesnt retaliate even when the other deserves it... However it might be completely out of your control and nothing to do with you.

 

It could be that I just have a different idea of what retaliation is. By retaliation, I pretty much mean fighting back. If this person goes off on me, I defend myself. I don't just sit there and let them talk to me that way.

 

I honestly might have a misunderstanding of the word retaliation. I am bilingual, so I'll make sure to look that one up.

[lady00]

Does that forum have moderators? If yes, let them know you are being harassed. Either way, cut contact. This person is not your friend and has serious issues.

[lady00]

Does that forum have moderators? If yes, let them know you are being harassed. Either way, cut contact. This person is not your friend and has serious issues.

[HellFrost666]

Does that forum have moderators? If yes, let them know you are being harassed. Either way, cut contact. This person is not your friend and has serious issues.

 

The Mods there would handle it like the Mods here would in this situation. They would just tell me to put them on my ignore list. I've done this... eventually they get the hint that they must be on my ignore list and they switch to email.

 

In all honesty, I would almost rather keep my contact with them on the forum because then if things get really out of control the Mods can intervene.

 

Does that make sense? I don't know how else to explain it.

[Catdancer]

Helly, my ex is like this. I am always to blame, no matter what the problem is. In fact everyone is to blame for every problem in his life, except him. He is one of those people who cannot assume responsibility or accept the blame for his actions. Only way I can deal with him, and I have to for another 20 years or so (our son), is to not speak with him unless it's about the baby. And still I get the guilt trip because I have caused all the problems in his life. You know he drove drunk and unlicensed to pick up our son so I am petitioning the court to change custody, well since then, he "has" to spend his money on a lawyer and getitng his license back, so it's all my fault. See what I mean? He can accept no responsibility.

 

best to remove this person as best you can. I fear that there is no other way to deal with them. And if you find a way, please let me know!!!!

[HellFrost666]

^ Yea... I know it will be hard but I think that's all I can do at this point.

[lady00]

One thing you could do is just filter the emails to your trash folder. That way you won't even see them as they are coming in so it will be as if you're not receiving them at all (unless you go through your trash for some reason).

[HellFrost666]

One thing you could do is just filter the emails to your trash folder. That way you won't even see them as they are coming in so it will be as if you're not receiving them at all (unless you go through your trash for some reason).

 

Good suggestion.

 

I know this person has a couple of email accounts. I've gotten pretty good at recognizing them.