just broke up w/ boyfriend- need advice

[sweetharmony]

Hello, I just broke up with my boyfriend last night. I broke it off with him and now I'm regretting it. However, I know it will never work out. I am just so confused. We've been dating for three mos. He's told me at the beginning that he is not looking for marriage (he's in med school and very busy) and will be doing his residency (more than likely 1500 miles away). I was standoffish at first and then recently tried to have a more open-mind and "live in the moment"- as he has always tried to tell me. But I didn't like the fact that he told me that he's leaving next year and that he hopes we will always remain friends. He told me that he is so glad that he's finally met someone who's not looking for marriage and that he doesn't feel trapped like he did in his last rleationship. Though he's just told me the other day that he's so lucky that he's finally found someone that he loves sepnding time with and is so physically and mentally attracted to. He told me he was devloping feelings for me and really cared about me. But he's busy and I always have to see him on his schedule. So, I didn't like the expiration date thing for our relationship, so I broke it off with him. Now, I'm extermely depressed. We had plans to go on vacation together and for my birthday. He was always so nice to me and really was great. We have amazing conversations and I was starting to have feelings for him. But there's also the negatives. He said to me that he sacrificed his studies for me. "What the hell does that mean?" Isn't that the meanest thing you've ever heard?

 

But the sex was great. We started developing an emotional bond. Al the elements were there, except for the fatc that he's leaving next year and hasn't even left the open possibility of anything. He warned me at the beginning and just last week. So I ended it. But it's probably harder on me than it will be on him. He's got girls just wanting to be with him.

 

He wished me good luck and told me that he hopes I find what I'm looking for and that he wants me to be happy. I could have probably gone on dating him for a little while longer, but I was afraid my heart would just get too involved. esp. by next year, when he would leave. (and I know we would have been together for the entire year until he leaves). Gosh, it's so convenient for him. He gets sex all the time and "no strings."

 

Well, I don't know if I made the right decision. I miss him so much and my heart just aches. Even though it's only been three months. but it would be much worse next year. I'm not looking for marriage, but i'd like to be in a relationship with open possibilites. I never regret the time I spent with my exes. I cherish the moments I spent with them. and I know, the next relationship I get into may not end in marriage. I may have many more relationships after this one and I won't regret investing my heart into them. But I don't like expiration dates made by the otehr person. It doesn't give room for your heart to grow together.

 

What do I do. Did I make the right choice? Could he have perhaps chnaged his mind later next year, if he falls in love with me?

 

Please help me!

[vitalcoaching]

what he says is very clear: his career and own life path first. He wants to be free, no strings attached, etc.

 

You, on the other hand want full committment, right?

 

Two plans, two different visions. They are both valid. He is obviously emotionally free and ready to move on.

 

When a guy has been in your life and suddenly he is not there, it leaves a huge gap. That's the space you are in right now.

 

Consciously recover your power and independence. That's something you can do consciously by opening space for others, friends you left aside when you were with him, focus on your own projects, etc.

 

In other words focus back 100% on your own life and get your full power back. Whatever you invested in him, with hopes, desires, etc: get it back.

 

This is a full emotional recovery of all your life tools.

 

I know how you feel. These feelings are okay. Now you can take a fast track to high speed recovery and wake up to the new opportunities which are in front of you.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[sweetharmony]

thank you for your advice. I know I need to be strong and independent. That's why I broke up with him. I didn't want to feel used- that would only eat away at my self-esteem. None of my friends liked him and basically thought he was using me as a conveneience for the year ntil he moved away. I needed to maintain my pride and confidence that I will not let someone manipulate my feelings and be soemthign I am not- a girl ewho can have fun. but should I remain friends with him?

 

I know I need support of my friends. I wish I had some here. I find it very difficult to meet anyone where I live. I really don't have that many friends. I really only have one close friend left here and she has a boyfriend she is with all the time. I have two other periferal frinds, one is married and the other works all the time. It's very lonely. I've always had long-term relationships until I broke up with my ex of four years. All my college friends left this city. It's very difficult to make new friends as an adult out of college four years. I go to Young Professionals groups, etc... I'm even the Director of a Young Leadership Division and I am acquaintances with over 100 young community-active professionals in the town. none of them are people that I would really hang out with, but at least I try. I've been very open-minded- I used to hang out with artsy, independent film, types, but I've been very open to friendships with others. I make acuaintances all the time, but I can't seem to get past that professional status. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I can initiate conersations (for the most part), I'm pretty friendly and I talk to many people. I used to be more shy but got over that in my job. My recent ex- who I just broke up with (who I met through my job) thinks that I'm pretty outgoing and hold great conversations with people and that I'm prety interesting. I have low self-esteem, but I'm okay in social situations and I make sure I get out to all types of community events where there is young people. I can talk about current events, politics, film, literature, music (i have varied interests). I have no problem making guy friends or finding dates, but I just can't seem to make any girl friends. What's wrong with me? why is it so difficult. I just can't seem to get the nerve to say to a girl, hey, would you like to get together for lunch or something. why is that? and how do i do it? I'm afraid of rejection, esp. since I have no friends. You see, if I at least had a few friends, it would be mich easier, cause then I wouldn't feel like such a loser. If i had a few friends, then I could say somethign like, hey do you want to hang out with my and my friends. or if I were new to a city, then I could use the excuse that I was new (then I wouldn't have any friends anyway). There were a few people that I met and I called, but they never really called back. I don't know. I feel so alone. help me. I get along so great with guys, but I just want a few more good girl friends.

[DopeStar]

You live in Florida huh? I know what you mean about making friends down here. There are a lot people that are just waiting to be a prick people they dont know, its crazy, After almost 3 years down here im finally starting to make some friends but it takes a lot of effort on your part. youve got to call poeple and make your impression on them. Look I know im not a girl or anything but if you want to send me a PM and if we are close maybe we could hang out. Its rough out there but there is sanctity, somewhere, you probly just arent digging deep enough.