Should I feel guilty....

[mskc0511]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, however we dont see each other for but once a week. The past few weeks have been rough on our relationship and we were not talking for a few days. That never happened in our relationship. We are talking now and are on good terms. Lately, I have been attracted to a couple of guys, not only physically, but I like them, like them. I havent tried anything, I just feel guilty about the feelings that I am having. I can see them more and things like that. Over the past few years, I didnt have to go thorugh that .

 

Am I feeling this way because of the problems I am having with my boyfriend? I feel so guilty. Should I tell him to know that I have other options and not to take me for granted. I dont know what to do. It is tearing me up inside. I dont think that it is worth it, but should I be worried about feeling the way I do and hope that it doesnt get out of hand.

 

Should I be worried, should my boyfriend be worried? Im so confused.

 

 

Thanks

[magda]

I took the liberty of reading your other posts about your boyfriend. You sure post about your boyfriend a lot. And about the same type of stuff over and over. Take that as a hint.

 

If you want to threaten to leave to get your boyfriend to appreciate you your relationship is not the greatest. So leave anyway - for yourself. Why prolong it.

[vitalcoaching]

There are many opinions on what you say. I don't think there is one single anwer, rather the answer which works for you.

 

I'll be direct, okay?

 

In my opinion, having some fantasies and checking other guys is okay. I have been in four long term relationships and I can guarantee you that it happened to every single girl I have been with. It is part of the story. The limit is what you actually do physically. You can dream, flirt and charm. This values you, your beauty and sends a message to your bf he can perceive this way:

 

"even though she has other options, it's with you she chooses to be. She is preety, attractive and you are a lucky man"

 

Many sex therapists will tell you: fantasies are okay as long as you don't act on them.

 

If you two were spending more time together, of course you would have less chances of meeting and flirting with others guys.

 

On the long term, it is important to find the right balance for yourself. Shutting down your emotions and feelings can hurt you on the long term. Now, letting all doors open and behaving 100% free with anyone is not an option either.

 

Different couples have different aggreements and different levels of mutual freedom within the relationship.

 

The strict limits of today's marriage seem to be limiting for lots people. See the number of divorces. A couple has 50% chances to be divorced within 7 years of their marriage.

 

In my opinion, it simply says that individuals tend to need more space and freedom today.

 

Many people are in search of new relationship equations which satisfy all their needs.

 

You can suppress and try to control these needs, shift your desires, priorities, etc. that's another option of course.

 

In your case, you have feelings and emotions waking up and you don't know what to do with them. It can take a while before you find your own unique path with this.

 

Something which is really empowering is to have good open communication with your partner. Don't go around telling him that you met this "INCREEEEEEDIBLE!!!!!!" guy and that you are falling in love with him, no.

 

Focus on what the two of you share and explore what the limits are along those lines. "How do you feel when you see him chat with another girl?", "What if she is much more attarctive than you are?", etc.

 

There are many questions you can ask each other. Open communication will strengthen the trust between the two of you. Explore with him the limits of what is okay and what is not.

 

Guilt is not a very constructive emotion. Guilt is a call to strengthen your own unique set of values. When you find them, it empowers you and guilt naturally disappears.

 

So, look for yourself for these lines of action which truly empower you. Establish yourself firmly in them. That's part of your inner growth process and your own unique victory.

 

Once you find this set of key values and behaviors, everything will be clearer.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

 

PS: If I offended anyone with what I said, please accept my sincere apologies. This is only my opinion.