How do I make friends, when I dont really have any?

[Blayzed4Life]

Well the main reason I dont really have any friends is because over the years of growing up I have been back stabbed so many times that it has left me completely unsure of people.

 

I dont really have a hard time getting along with people, I just play the nice guy role and keep my mouth shut unless someone is talking to me. But everytime I end up sort of relating to someone I keep thinking that I am just going to get hurt again so I sort of back off and dont really try and bring out my true self.

 

A guy I use to be friends with about 3 years ago called me up on my birthday last friday and asked me if I wanted to go to a party with him, but being as insecure as I am I said maybe and ended up not calling him back because all I could think was that he was just trying to use me for something. Also one of the reasons I lost touch with this guy was because I didnt really like his friends and I guess he chose them over me.

 

I really hate staying at home on the weekends while most people are out having fun. But my past has left me this scare about human nature =/.

[Aimee Liu]

dear blazed4life,

u must be a very excellent boy.The best way to get rid of your insecure feeling toward people,in my opinion,is try to be spontaneous in talking to people u think of as honesty and trustful.

why not ask your friend out during the weekend?

aimee

[sashas cat]

I have the same problem sort of. Not really making friends, I can get along with anyone and everyone it seems like. But meeting people seems to be a problem for me. And I'm painfully shy at first. I dont know what to say and end up saying nothing at all, even when I want to. I dont know why I hold back so much. And I know that there are people who think that I dont like them because I dont talk much, hardly at all at first. Thats not true, but I can see why they think it.

I one time sat with a group of people and hung out with them for many hours, I would say at least eight, just hanging out, but I said nothing other then answering yes and no to questions. I did become friends with them but only because of thier paitents with me. That was a long time ago.

I am meeting a new friend for coffee saturday and I'm wondering how I will do. I'm hoping to be better about talking. I know that is my not talking much that has kept me from having many friends and Im trying to change that.

So I will be watching this thread closely for any suggestions and tips as well.

 

[BreArna]

I can relate to what ur feeling, i dont have many good friends because the ones i did have all stabbed me in the back or i lost contact with them.

I always feel people are being friendly to me cos they either want something or feel obligated.. I hope things look up for you soon! and if u ever wanna chat jus send me a msg~

[sweetharmony]

I can totally relate to your situation. Gosh, it's so hard after college. It seems like since all my friends left- it's really hard to make new friend. Really close friendships from my past just seem to fade (now that they're living in a new city). I am pretty outgoing, can initaite conversations, and I pretty much get along with everyone. I am not a yes person. I can hold my own in conversation, but I can't get past the small talk BS and actually make close friend.s I have tons of acquaintances- I am the Director of a Young Leadership professionals group. The people I know are not normally people I would hang out with, but I've kept an opne mind. It seems like the friends I have recently made over the past four years since college are either married or in serious relationships and have absolutely no time for me. It sucks, cause I just feel so alone. Where do I go? I think finding freidnships is harder than finding boyfriends or guys as friends. I have no problem making male friends. I just get along better with them. Girls tend to be a little snotty sometimes and yes, backstabbers, unloyal. It seems like I can get dates or boyfriends, but I want some good, close girlfriends. It seems that anyone I do want to become friends with already has their life establsihed and has no room for new ones. and I'm insecure. It's hard to ask a girl out for lunch or to hang out or whatever. It just seems so weird past college. and I meet tons of young people all the time. but can't seem to get past the professional status of small talk. and being in a town thousands of miles away from where I grew up, i have no family or friend support base. what do people do these days to make friends.

[murrayfaces]

Guys and Gals,

You know we all can't be that shielded from other people, just because of the crap people have dished out on us in the past. I'm not trying to push everybody's buttons, I'm just trying to remind everybody that if we don't get out there, and let our guard down sometimes, just a LITTLE bit, then we'll never meet anyone new - friend or lover. If you go into a friendship or a new meeting with someone thinking that they're automatically going to hurt us, then we might be setting ourselves up. Worse, we may be only seeking those kinds of people. Remember, there are more people like us out there, who don't have an agenda, don't want to hurt people, and don't use people as vehicles to our own self-gratification. But, when we assume everybody else is, we're fencing ourselves in.

 

This post is definetely more positive than I usually write, but I think we all need a little postiive boost sometime.

[Blayzed4Life]

I only really have one true friend but he's 4 years younger then me but he's been my neighbor for over 10 years so I can pretty much trust him just it's really hard to go out in public with him because of the big age gap.

[Drama9]

Hey. I completely understand where you are coming from. I dont really have any friends either. My friends pertend to be my friends however when I am not around they talk about me behind my back. I have really had a hard time in life without any friends.

[ApriljustbeforeDawn]

Hey, I really know where all of you are coming from......I moved away from my home town, that I lived in all my life. I have been living here for 3 years now, and I have not one friend that I can talk to. I have friends at work but, off the clock when I go home no..... if the phone rings I know it's NOT for me. My husband can only do so much. It gets lonely not having a true friend to talk to If anybody wants to make a new friend just message me.......thks.....ciao