why do some men behave like this?

[LAYAAN]

Background - We met x3 and we used to talk on phone everyday for almost 3 years. He was in UK the entire period of 3 yrs. In mid 2007, he gave me an ultimatum "Either you marry me or I'm going to India to marry someone else." I let him go (the decision I absolutely never regretted).

 

Since he 'hurriedly' got married in a week after that ultimatum, we never had that closure talk. Also, he is a man who harbors a lot of anger if anything goes wrong with him, if anyone does anything wrong to him, intentionally or otherwise.

 

He is constantly trying to stay in touch with me, trying to find out my whereabouts.

1) Mid 2007 - Gave me an ultimatum to marry him. NC for a week.

2) Blank call on the day of his engagement.

3) Blank call on the day of his wedding.

4) A week after his marriage, called me 5 am UK time with his wife by his side, "I got married. I want to introduce you to my wife. Why aren't you talking? She has heard so much about you from me."

5) I deleted him from social networking friend group.

6) Calls a few weeks after "I'm not happy in my marriage. I want to stay friends with you." I made it clear to him that I'm not interested and not to talk anything about his marriage issues with me.

7) Repeated blank calls on my home phone. I got my home phone no. changed.

8] Sends me an email, telling me that he has forgiven me (for what? for saying no to him?) and he still wants to stay in touch with me as friends.

9) Early last year, I got 4 same emails sent from different email accounts on my school email (which he googled) and my personal email ID sharing his newborn son's photos. (I deleted my personal email account permanently and also blocked all those 4 email IDs from my school's email.)

10) I got 2 emails on my school email (I don't recognize the sender well, I know its him) saying how the sender is the only 1 that could sexually please me, asking me why am I still single, why I'm not returning the sender's emails.

11) Early this year, he called me on my cell phone. I didn't answer.

 

If this man willingly decided to marry a girl of his choice and willingly decided to have a child with her, why has he not moved on? Does anyone know why would a married man behave like this? and we are not even in the same country so there is no possibility of meeting or a booty call.

[pumpkinmoon]

Wow, he is absolutely LOOPY! I'm glad you said no to marrying him. He's seriously unhinged and I feel so sorry for his wife.

 

Keep NC and ignore him until he goes away. He's sick!

[coyote1980]

Wow scary!!!!

A guy I dated briefly went all psycho on me, but it wasn't as bad as this.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

 

I have no "clue" why he keeps doing that to you.

All I can say is he is mentally ill....

[Sanesoul]

Probably because he didn't marry her for love or even "like" for that matter.

[LAYAAN]

He has deep rooted insecurities which he needs to address with a counselor. I suggested this to him to which his response is "You have gone psycho because I moved on"

 

I also told him "You need to ask yourself and your counselor this Q - Why do I feel the need to prove to someone else that I'm doing well that I'm happy and see how they are doing? If you wanted to get married, I guess you also wanted to move on. Why haven't you moved on?" He thinks that all this is false that he has no insecurities, inadequacies, he has forgiven me and wants to stay friends with me.

[LAYAAN]

Probably because he didn't marry her for love or even "like" for that matter.

 

correct. Why bother marrying someone then? Why bother ruining 2 (now 3 since he has a child) lives?

[pumpkinmoon]

Why are you even still in contact with him? I would cut him off completely.

[LAYAAN]

no, I'm not in contact with him.

He knows my cell phone no. so he calls me. If I don't recognize the no. or if I see that its him who is calling me, I just ignore the call.

[pumpkinmoon]

Ah sorry Well it's a good thing you're not. Stay strong and continue NC. You dodged a bullet!

[coyote1980]

Have your male friend answer the phone next time.

[ElChup]

Can I assume there is a cultural and religious angle to your relationship?

 

To be honest I can't fully relate to this situation but I am forced to ask how well you really knew him in view of only meeting for three times....and whether or not what you had actually amounts to a proper relationship.

 

Also, and I hope you won't be offended by this, but I have heard it suggested in the past that asian men who end up in arranged or quick marriages are often capable of infidelity and seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. But then, in this case I expect that he has some cultural attitudes towards life that I don't fully understand or appreciate.

[annie24]

He has deep rooted insecurities which he needs to address with a counselor. I suggested this to him to which his response is "You have gone psycho because I moved on"

 

 

you've answered your own question!

 

i think it's good you've cut him out of your life. he sounds like loony.

[LAYAAN]

Can I assume there is a cultural and religious angle to your relationship?

 

To be honest I can't fully relate to this situation but I am forced to ask how well you really knew him in view of only meeting for three times....and whether or not what you had actually amounts to a proper relationship.

 

Also, and I hope you won't be offended by this, but I have heard it suggested in the past that asian men who end up in arranged or quick marriages are often capable of infidelity and seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. But then, in this case I expect that he has some cultural attitudes towards life that I don't fully understand or appreciate.

 

Oh yes, I'm south Asian and raised there and currently in the US. Yes, they tend to get married quickly. I didn't really get to know him but whatever I did, didn't look promising enough to keep going. Yes, whatever 'relationship' I had, can't be called a proper relationship. No, I won't be offended if you say the truth about south Asians. What you mentioned about infidelity is new to me, but it might be true.