Help me figure this out... What is going on? Could this develop?

[gp913]

Okay, so another chapter in my story. A little long -- If you want to read the full background, you can check out my other threads. You can skip all of the background if you want and just get to the story.

 

Background

- Broke up in August. We reconnected in October, she dumped her rebound of 2 months for me immediately.

- We dated (with no titles, no commitment) for 2 months... In October, things seemed great, but we moved too fast. In November, she became distant and brought up that she may want to try someone else also.

- At the end of November, I told her that I felt stressed/confused and I couldn't date her while she still doesn't know what she wants and is possibly dating someone else (she wouldn't tell me if I had asked).

 

More recent background

We had a somewhat of a blow up (never had these) when I told her, well mainly her upset at me, because she misinterpreted a lot of what I was saying. We went NC for 2 weeks after that until we cleared things up. She had also told me she only went on one date with a guy and that she felt like we were finally slowly rebuilding something towards a relationship. She told me that she thinks we should "just be friends, for now." I kept telling her, I think we need to stop doing this as I'd rather have us be in a better place in the future and have a better shot at us succeeding.

 

The first time I went over to her place to pick something up, I thought I'd be in and out, but she invited me to stay and I was there for a few hours. She was also welcoming to affection (holding hands). The next week I saw her again, but I backed off, but she still seemed warm to affection. It took me a while to give her a present I told her that I got her... All I needed was 15 mins to give it to her, but she kept saying soon and I finally saw her after New Years. I hung out with her and her mom again for a few hours -- no affection, but we talked a lot about random stuff.

 

Her, her mom, and I all went to this garden with lights last week. I offered to pay, but her mom bought her (my ex) ticket and my ex bought my ticket. She posted about 40 pictures on Facebook that night, 20 which had me, me/her, me/her/her mom in them. She said that she was really glad that we all went together.

 

Now

The only contact we have had this past month is through Facebook comments... She always initiates. Never a conversation unless we were in person, which has been 4 times within the past month.

 

Last night, she called me to ask if I wanted to go to a concert with her in April. I said "sure!", I joked that she was just taking me to be her bodyguard so she didn't have to go alone, she said that she really wanted me to go with her. She said that I'm the only person she wants to go with. She's also burning all of these CDs for me of different bands and singers she likes. We talked for like 3 hours on the phone about random stuff and then an hour online afterwards... It just happened... I know someone will tell me that wasn't good.

 

While she was looking at a website while on the phone, she saw her fave band was playing 1.5 hours away... I knew she was going to see, since she was going down the events list... I had already bought tickets and asked if she wanted to go. I said it could be her birthday present. She was super excited and said that it was really sweet of me. She was surprised.

 

While on the phone, she said things like there isn't anyone else that she would rather talk to than me. Hinting towards her missing me? She is usually so careful with what she says regarding "us". Also, she had sent an email just before calling me saying that she'll call me and "we can go get lunch or something soon!" We may be going to dinner and movie this week...

 

BUT, she says this: she talks about how she hate Valentine's Day and says it's only fun when you have someone, that she will be single forever, that she wants to be single until the graduates (Fall this year), that she wants to be independent and can't wait to get a place of her own, and that dating is okay. She said this all nonchalantly (in my opinion)... First time I had heard all of this... I don't know, she later asked if I was okay and that I seemed quiet... I was a little taken back by all of that, but said I'm good... and we kept talking. She was super talkative.

 

She said she is taking her mom's advice that she should focus on getting out of school... Her mom loves me and knows how happy I make my ex, don't think she meant to totally rule me out. With how recently she said that she felt like things were building up again and we had talked of marriage not too long before the breakup... She isn't a super romantic person, but she said that she was actually upset that I had not proposed to her yet... Hmm. Um, can you not be in college and a relationship? I wouldn't eat up all of her time... We lived together for 2.5 years, were together for 4. I graduated a year ago.

 

Any ideas?

 

We're so much more comfortable with eachother since the original breakup... but I have concerns. Could she be trying to not get me to jump in full speed again and wants us to WORK towards starting something completely new... Whatever happens, happens? No pressure? I feel SO much more confident and am in a better place now. She felt pressured and was still hurt from the breakup before... causing the stress and confusion. I've changed a lot and she was hurt that it took her breaking up with me to make the positive changes in my life.

[JBaker]

It sounds like things are heading towards an eventually reconciliation.

 

I suggest that you just go with the flow. She wants you around. She wants you in her life. She just wants some time to figure herself out as well, as an individual person and not a couple. From what you have said, it sounds very much like she wants you to be around as an option if/when she is ready.

 

Don't close yourself off from meeting new women in the meantime, though. Since she is leaving herself open to that possibility, you should do the same.

[gp913]

Thanks JBaker -- I very much believe she sees me being a part of her life... She asked me to a concert which isn't even happening until 4 months away. She says these things making me feel important to her (on the phone last time, not making a big deal of it, but I caught them while in conversation), but I just hope that perhaps with time, things will develop... I'll just go with the flow...

 

She said she'd try to call me last night about doing something some time this week, but she didn't. Maybe she'll call today.

 

I'm not closing myself off to the idea of other women -- I'm just not actively seeking it, I don't think I'm ready yet, unless something developed... That's how my ex and I met. We met online on Myspace (almost 5 years ago - stopped using that about 3 years ago - we went to rival high schools), I wasn't looking for anything, hung out, and it just happened.

 

Anyone else have any views on all of this?

[createchange]

Things look good but don’t rush things, that’s how things got messed up last time, no?

I can say though, her complaining about Valentine’s Day, that’s something I would do to someone if I wanted them to be my valentine but I was too shy to tell them. When it gets a little closer, ask if you can be her valentine, I wouldn't be surprised if she says yes. It's not committing to a relationship, but it's a huge step in the right direction!!! Good luck!

[gp913]

So, Saturday, she asked if I wanted to grab some sushi for lunch on Monday (holiday for us - no work or school) - I asked her about a movie afterwards and then we're going to go get some dessert.

 

Tonight, she simply asked me what time are we going tomorrow and then we ended up talking online for like 2 hours. I liked that she seemed really happy to be talking to me and that she was burning like A LOT of cds for me (way more than I thought). She was putting a lot of thought into them. The conversation went really well.

 

Also, suddenly, someone IM'd me (I don't usually go on Facebook chat) from a long time ago. I was a little interested in her around the time I met my ex (almost 4.5 years ago now, hadn't talked since then really). She moved away and seems to be doing well. She asked when I became single and said that she guesses she was unobservant. We used to talk constantly until I met my ex, but just some light flirting. It was good just catching up with her.

 

Also, someone from my past just recently added me on Facebook. We became good friends though. I had a lot of friends who were girls before meeting my ex, and I've somewhat become disconnected with a lot of them. Feels good reconnect with a lot of people I lost touch with. I'm sometimes hesitant to suddenly pop back in. Okay, little rant here. I'm feeling more confident now and can feel myself feeling a little more comfortable going out more and talking to more people (my ex and I did a lot of things together, so you can imagine... past few months have been kind of just me).

 

I'm hoping tomorrow goes well. I'm seeing some good signs, but will just chill out.