commitment phobia

[Stratotiatus]

Aight, well I've been with my girl for like two months and a bit now. But the aura with this is that it feels like we've been dating for like 6 months.

 

Anyway, one time I'm over at her house, and she starts looking at my cell phone. I get all paranoid, because of something that happened to me with an ex (not that I'm hiding anything, but that my ex misinterpreted a couple of text messages I had). So, my gf gets pissed and thinks I'm hiding something, which of course I'm not (I'm the most honest person you'll ever know when it comes to matters of the heart). That night, afterward, I notice she's being really distant and uncaring seemingly. So, I ask her why. She then tells me that she's scared and paranoid that I'm hiding something, and she tells me I shouldn't scare her like that and stuff, and that she's not one of my exes who will freak out over a misinterpretation, and that I need to give her a chance before judging her by something my ex did. But then she's still distant, so I ask why again, and she says she's afraid of commitment. I asked why and stuff, and she kept saying "I don't know". But then I guess I got through and she said it's because she's been hurt so many times in past relationships, and she doesn't want to do that again. She used her parents as an analogy, "being together for 15 years and then breaking up" (I'd imagine she saw how screwed up her parents were over the divorce, and she doesn't want to feel that). And then she says she also doesn't want to hurt me, and I think this is because she thinks she's going to run away or something. I still can't get a clear answer on how she thinks she's going to hurt me.

 

I have tried telling her and explaining to her how honest I am and that I never have and never will cheat on anyone, lie to them about things, backstab, use, or otherwise butcher their heart. I've been through the worst in relationships far too many times, and I would never inflict such treachory on someone I love so dear. I am also insanely committed in relationships, and am extremely loyal and always care. None of this half assed commitment things. And that's how I like it. I just want to know if she'll ever get over the phobia, and what I can do to help her.

 

I will not give up on her. It's in my nature to give up when my s.o. shows any sign of doubt, but I'm not going to succumb to that feeling this time. She is something very special, and I'm not about to just let her go. I want to show her that I am probably the last person on earth who would hurt her big time. But I don't know what to make of the fact that she's worried about hurting me. Should I keep fighting for her? Any thoughts?

 

Thanks for reading my essay. This has been bothering me for like a week now since it started, and I can't seem to ease my confusion in any way, and the girlfriend in question hasn't been online for a couple days now. It's just killing me that I might lose something that makes me sooo happy...I love her soooo much... I wish she would give me a chance, like she said I should give her, and realize I'm a different person than her exes (used out of context of the cell phone thing)

[Stratotiatus]

Well, nevermind people, she broke up with me. Said she doesn't want to be monogamous, and doesn't want to be "tied down".....whatever that means. Screw love, I say...

[phaseone]

Sorry to hear about your misfortune but it sounded like your ex girlfriend had some issues she needed to deal with first before jumping into a commitment. Maybe she'll realize she was wrong later in the future but don't ever wait for her, life goes on and there are many more girls waiting to meet you and will no doubt treat you better.

 

Hang in there!

[Stratotiatus]

thanks phase, any kind words are appreciated right now cuz I'm miserable *sigh*