Feeling Used & Hurt

[Plmy1]

This is possibly the hardest thing that I've ever had to write. Since we all know that it's hard to admit the wrongs that we have done.

 

I've been married for almost 3 years. My husband is now in his 4th year of medical school. Things seemed to get bad only a few months after we were married. At the time we were living with my parents trying to save money to buy a house.

 

He was entirely too busy to spend time with me. I was always put second and sometimes last on a list of things that he "needed to do". We were constantly fighting. I was always begging him to spend time with me. I was so lonely and depressed. I started seeing a therapist and was put on medication because of my depression.

 

Now here is the part that's hard for me to talk about. One of my best friends at the job where I was working and I started becoming close. He was also in a "loveless" marriage. This friendship eventually lead to something more. We were wonderful together. Spent any time we could together.

 

Eventually he got a divorce. I, on the other hand, have been tied to my situation because of money issues. My b/f and I talked about being together forever, having a family, etc. We both wanted the same things from life, unlike my husband and me.

 

He knew that I felt responsible for my husband, right or wrong. I knew that he wouldn't be able to make it through school without my help. Mostly because of money. My husband and I have been friends for over 10 years. I couldn't leave him like that. So basically we have been just living as roommates with no real relationship.

 

My husband knows what's happened and we fight all the time. I ended up moving back in with my parents a few months ago because I couldn't take the pain and the hurt.

 

I wanted to show my b/f that I was serious about being with him. The relationship that I've been in with my b/f has obviously had lot of obstacles. But I fall more in love with him every day.

 

OK, I'm going to get to the point. My b/f and I got in an argument. To me it wasn't that crucial. Apparently it was to him. He told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I know that people will say that I deserve what happened, but my heart is broken. Most people don't even know that I was living this "double life" so I feel more alone than I ever did.

 

I just feel so stupid for letting this happen. Does anyone have any advice? Please don't be too judgemental about my situation. It took a lot of courage for me to post this. Thank you so much for reading!!

[laurag78]

Wow... That's a toughie. What reason did b/f give you for the break up? What does ur husband think about all this? Does he want to separate?

[Plmy1]

thanks for writting back laurag78!! he basically said that things have been too difficult. that we have had some major miscommunications. well of course they have been and of course we have...the situation has been that way from the beginning. as far as im concerned anything worth fighting for isnt easy.

 

he said he just needs some time...to be alone. none of it seems to make sense. everyone fights. he wont talk to me. i miss him so much. all i want to do is talk to him and have him hold me.

 

my husband is acting very differently toward me. all of a sudden he WANTS to spend time with me. he has told my b/f to leave me alone before. im worried he may have something to do with it. but neither of them will tell me.

 

im also thinking that my b/f is testing me. he has said that he doesnt want me to leave my husband for him...he wants me to leave him for me.

 

im worried that im just trying to find a reason. im in total denial about the whole thing.

 

as for what my husband wants..honestly i have no idea. weve still been trying to see each other...to be honest...i dont let go very easily...if you couldnt see that already. hes very complacent...he would be fine if things were the way they are. hes living his dream career-wise...im not even sure hes thinking about me.

 

did that make sense?

[laurag78]

It seems to me that you may also need sometime to yourself. If you are not in love with your husband, than there is no reason to stay. I think that if you leave him and as time passes your b/f sees this and he really does love you, then maybe you guys can start over, make a fresh start. He probably just got tired of being Second in your life and he wants you to make a final decision on your own.If he doesn't feel the same, than you move on and start over on your own. The point is that you shouldn't feel obligated to stay with some 1 you are not in love with. You are wasting both your lives. Life is too short to waste anytime. Good Luck!