does this ever work? being real friends?

[Wonderment]

so.. Im over him in a relationship way. Im sure. I know we didnt match.

 

Im not over "being friends" and that is where all my hurt/ anger comes from.

 

I think I have expectations of what I want.. and it probably sounds dumb because, like I said.. Im over wanting a romantic relationship. He is too.

 

we were friends long before we had a relationship. but we mucked it up with relationshippy stuff. Its always ended with problems.. because he's just not my type and Im always disappointed.

 

Does it ever work to be "best friends"?

 

I want to be NOT-uncomfortable. I want to be able to talk most days. We've had that for a long time. We've talked on IM off and on every day for years..

I want to be able to .. not romantic touch.. but touch in normal friend affectionate ways without being uncomfortable because of our past. I want to be able to say I love you.. in a friend way and not feel like it's weird. I want to be able to text him when Im away for the weekend because.. even though Im away and having real fun.. he's still a close friend who I think of every day and enjoy his company. I like him enough that even though I dont want a romantic relationship, I want a close friendship like best girlfriends kind of way?

 

Do men ever do that? I dont know if I should tell him that... and Im afraid that what all the posts say will be true..that Im a dumpee and as he moves someone else into a romantic relationship spot, I'll be moved out. and thats where all my fear comes from.

 

He's told me several times that he wants to be friends, but I dont know if he means talk-every-once-in-a-while kind of freinds or what... because that would really hurt.

 

Does that mean Im kidding myself and not "over" him or what?

[EQIQ]

Meh... tough call.

 

I personally believe (Miss South Carolina), that men have a much harder time holding on to a type of friendship like this than women do. For example, if some girl told me she loves me, good friend or not I would take it some other way. And besides, think about the future, what if he gets into another relationship, think of the troubles this would cause for him and his future gf/wife. Then he would break this friendship off with you, and you would be even more hurt. The same can happen to you, you get with another guy, and he would get jealous of this friendship you have with yoru ex. It will just cause unnecessary problems imo.

[FortunateOne]

Well, it may not sound good to you, but here it goes.

 

In psychological relationship studies the one that makes mor logical sense is Dr. Sternberg's "Triangular Theory of Live" (1986). His theory states that for a consumate romantic relationship to exist there must be verbal intimacy, physical passion and resilient commitment. In your case you want the verbal intimacy in communication and the resilient commitment in time he invests into you. This dynamic you want is called companionate love and this is what married couples regress to after many years of marriage once the physical passion is dead. There is no way you both can move on to separate future healthy romantic relationships where you can nurture the three branches of love. The best way to stay in touch is to only become distant acquaintances communicate it's convinient to you individule self, not the couple unit. This is the only way to avoid the codependent relationship that companionate love brings.

[Louie3]

Well, when you are both truly ready to talk about your current relationships and give eachother advice on them, then you can be best friends. Until then, that is not what a best friend is. I am best friends with one of my exes, but it took a few years.