telling my parents?

[orangecounty]

Hi there,

 

The time has come to tell my parents that I'm back with my boyfriend. I am dreading it. My parents are not of the mind set that it is right to get back together with someone you've broken up with. I'm really nervous and not sure how to tell them.

Any thoughts?

[thunderfire]

Just tell them. Sometimes when people break up they realize that they really do need each other and start to appreicate the other more.

[Ac143]

Was it bad break up? Did you tell your parents everything that happened during the break up? If it was a bad break up and you confided in them it might take them awhile to accept the getting back together.

 

Just sit them down and tell them you guys are trying to work things out.

[orangecounty]

It wasn't horrible, I mean,it wasn't good. But I know my dad said that he wasn't a bad guy, but was raised a little differently than me. And I know they just want the best for me too. But I feel like we've compromised a lot so that we're on the same page.

[Panzermensch]

Just tell them. Sometimes when people break up they realize that they really do need each other and start to appreicate the other more.

 

I second that.

 

The one piece of wisdom a break-up experience seems to impart, no matter the outcome, is that thinking about what other people think only leads to grief.

 

They're familiy. They'll respect your decision. And if they don't... well... tough titty. For them.

 

(Yeah, I realize I'm a bit hard nosed here. But seriously- letting people run your life for you and always trying to please them is a surefire way to untold miseries in life. And there's enough of them that will happen to you whether you want it or not. This is one of those things where your decisions actually matter more than what other people think. I mean- if things work out, you'll be starting your own family with your bf.)

[orangecounty]

I second that.

 

(Yeah, I realize I'm a bit hard nosed here. But seriously- letting people run your life for you and always trying to please them is a surefire way to untold miseries in life. And there's enough of them that will happen to you whether you want it or not. This is one of those things where your decisions actually matter more than what other people think. I mean- if things work out, you'll be starting your own family with your bf.)

 

I hear what you're saying. This was one of the problems in our relationship between us. My parents have pretty high expectations of me and I feel like we still have somewhat of a child/adult relationship. When they ask me to do something, it's not really a choice, but more them telling me. But I realize now that I have to start making decisions for myself. But it is tough because I'm so close to them.

[BellaDonna]

If you make it seem like a "big deal" that you are getting back together with him, your parents will follow suit and act as if it is a "big deal".

 

So don't set yourself up. Don't make it seem like an issue. Don't be apologetic in your approach. Don't set the stage by saying anything intense like "I have to talk to you about something".

 

Be confident, assertive, and nonchalent. Mention it in passing:

 

"Oh, ____ and I decided to give it another try"

 

If they react negatively, let them know that you appreciate their concern but that you are happy with your decision and expect them to respect your decision, as you do theirs.

 

(This is all assuming that your ex is not an abuser or cheater and that the breakup was amicable)

[LoveSoDeep]

If I were at the piont where I need to tell my parents my ex and I were reconciling I'd feel the same way. I know they want the best for me and I'm not afraid they will be mad or anything I'm just not expecting them to be excited. Which is really hard...I want them to be happy for me and I know at first they are just going to question my decision.

 

I agree you should just tell them...you're all adults. Depending on the kind of relationship you have with them you may need to explain to them what has changed and why you forgave your ex so that they can too. However really all they need to know is that you are happy and this is your choice and you would like to have thier support in it.

[Panzermensch]

I hear what you're saying. This was one of the problems in our relationship between us. My parents have pretty high expectations of me and I feel like we still have somewhat of a child/adult relationship. When they ask me to do something, it's not really a choice, but more them telling me. But I realize now that I have to start making decisions for myself. But it is tough because I'm so close to them.

 

You're 26. Isn't it time to stand up for yourself? I mean- yeah, they'll be upset. But they're your parents. They have those high expectations of you (probably) because they love you, and want to see you succeed in the world. You might drift slightly farther away from them, but... that's what happens in life. They won't disappear.

 

In fact, I would think that parents relish in the moment their offspring stands up to them. They might not admit it, but they'll respect you for it. The question is, essentially: Who's in charge of your life? You or them?

 

I've more or less abused my parents since I was 13, and they still hang on to me like I still was their little curly chubby boy. Which makes me despise them, but that's another story.

 

I realize it's a tough decision to make, though. But don't catastrophize it. Don't think about it. Just do it. Now. Call them and tell them. I bet they'll think you witholding this significant information from them is a much greater offense than you getting back with your bf.

 

Just my .02 $

 

h.

[orangecounty]

I do feel like they often call the shots. They're use to telling me how things should be. Even when they ask for favors, I feel like they're really telling me. So I'm working on becoming more assertive even towards my parents and family members. It's SO hard but I think it's important in order to have a healthy relationship.

[OneBrightStar]

My ex and I got back together on Saturday. My mom was not happy to find out that we met (I initially told her I was going to see another friend because I knew how she would react) and she was definitely not happy to find out that we're giving it another try. My family and friends aren't too excited, but you know what? I'm 24 years old and I'm not doing it for anyone else except for me. They can b*tch and moan all they want, but it's not their relationship, it's mine.