HELP...I still want him!

[turtle55]

I have, for the last 2 years, been in a roller coaster of a relationship with a young man. I'm a college student and he isn't. He's four years older than me and has been on his own since like 18 and I'm still pretty dependent on my parents.

Like I said, roller coaster this guy is. (had a yoda moment there) He broke up with me before he left for VA where he was stationed(July). He called me right before Halloween and told me that he missed me and after a brief conversation told me to call him back the next day. I called and called (not a good thing I realize this now!)--no response. He called after New Years and we talked about nothing really. Then I don't hear from him until the end of January. Ok this conversation is good. He's drunk. He loves me, he wants to get married etc. I didn't believe him of course. I'm not a complete moron! But after this conversation , to this day even, he says that he never said any of that. I receive several more drunken phone calls. He antagonizes me when he's sober. He admits he slept with someone else and so I tell him I don't want to talk to him again. This didn't last of course. But he admits later that he is scared that I will break his heart.

Gah. I spend the night with him when he comes through town on his way to the next city he's stationed at. What a mistake! I realize I still have STRONG feelings for him. I decide I will fly out to see him. All summer then we talk. Several times a week. He misses me. Can't wait to see me. Think I got another "I love you" as well.

So I go. I had a good time just being with him. Had some issues with a girl his friend brought with him to visit. But other than that...a good time.

I go home. I'm going to leave for college. I say we can have a "don't ask, don't tell relationship since we're on two different coasts. He says no. He wants to know. Then I don't hear from him for a week. Then I get to school. I think 2 days after being there he sends me a text message saying that I need to find someone else. (Always I need to find someone else) Needless to say we start talking again. We both say the "I love you". I figure...why pretent? I love the guy. I only have one shot with him kinda. We plan for me to come see him again before he goes out on deployment. Then no more than I would say 3 weeks after the "I love you's " and he says he is going to come see me instead of visiting his friend, he tells me he's met someone new.

He did this right before my finals. I managed to keep myself very busy so I never had time to dwell on it. Now that I've left school for the summer, it's hitting me. It's over. I don't want it to be. I'm in love with this guy.

I've read many times that our feelings won't change when reflecting on these people b/c we only remember the good times with the person and yaddah yaddah. I remember every bad thing that he ever did/said to me and how i felt each time.

Gah....how do I get over him. I want him and I don't know if there is any hope. Probably not though?

 

Please people tell me what to do! PLease don't respond with "Just forget him."

[woopsydaisy]

Hi...just forget him!!!....only joking...it seems like this guy is just messing with your self esteem and i would be surprised that you have any left after the way he is treated you!!.Sorry its not funny........you deserve to be treated much better than this...and hes just using you and to me it doesnt seem like he really loves you.The more he falls back and your there to catch him the more hes gonna keep on coming back to you for support.Im not going to count how many instances hes let you down in this post(accordingly)...but its more than one.It seems to me like hes just using you and he knows how much you love him.Be really really carefull here please cause if your not he is trully going ...im not going to swear..even though i feel like it!!(bites tongue).I know its really hard and i can not trully understand your feelings for him...but please please stay away...hes just messing with your sanity...

 

Believe me there are loads of guys out there who deserve a girl like you who can give so much love...take pride in this and value your worth...keep busy and seek comfort in friends...but please dont be some been bag for this guy to lye on while you end up getting squashed by his mean...anyway..take care.

[Belle]

Turtle,

I agree with whoopsie. Please end this now. He is using you as a fall back in case other situations don't work. And obviously for sex. He is not capable of real love or he wouldn't be so careless with your heart. Don't let someone walk all over you. There are so many men out there that would step up to bat if you let them. But you have to close this door and stop looking at it before the next one opens.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[debisfun]

Please get the book "Women Who Love Too Much". It will be a real eye-opener...your situation describes some of the case studies so perfectly you'll think that the author stole your life.

 

You need to:

 

1) Leave him

2) Figure out why you got involved and STAYED involved with him so you don't repeat the mistake.

 

Good Luck. We've all been where you are (at least I was). We can all get healthy and move on.