She doesn't believe I can change, what should i do?

[dj123]

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. Her main reasons for doing so were because during our relationship I displayed a lot of emotional abuse towards her. Even though I believe she played a part in that, that isn't the issue now. I really want her back. For 2 months now, I have done a complete turnaround in my attitude towards her. I treat her like a queen. Call her, compliment her, do such sweet things for her, and respect her to the fullest. While I am being the perfect guy, she puts me down, degrades me, and never calls me. Every once in a while on the phone she tells me she doesn't think I can ever change my ways. She believes I will always be the mean guy she believes I always was. I think she just is afraid of giving me a second chance because she doesn't want to get hurt. She said the other day, "If I gave you another chance, you'd just be nice for 2 weeks, and then start being mean again...people like you don't change." But I love this girl so much, and I know if I can, I will marry her one day. She just doesn't believe I am for real, that I love her and will never hurt her, even though I have been smiling during the hurt she has been putting me through! I guess what I want to know is how can I show her I have changed? Is it a matter of time? It's really hard to convice her. What can I do?

[GaryNas]

I was in your position, and this was only after a year and a half of going out. You have to accept the fact that you said what you said... no matter what she did. Make sure she knows that you're not proud of what you did. My girlfriend came back to me and I treated her like gold. The only problem is we're on a hiatus now because she thinks I treat her too good. Strange... Anyway, the point is, let her know that you take full blame for your actions. If you really believe that you've changed, so will she. Girls like to take time though. This probably doesn't help, but I've been in that situation and thankfully came out of it successfully.

[stillinLA]

dji123,

 

I think the issue here is that you need to change and not for your girlfriend. If you really truly change then everything in your life will be good. You may even not want her back. And then again, she may really see you as honestly different and coming running back. Right now I say that you get help and change. That's the real underlying issue.

 

I sought professional help for my negative behavior and I'm becoming a new person. Whether I get my ex back or not, that was what really needed to happen. Breakups can be real motivators of change and real revealers of truth.

 

Trust me on this one. When you really change, you won't have to prove it to anybody. It will be so obvious that people will come to you like you're a magnet.

 

Good luck.