Talking about sex problems in a constructive non-annoying way

[matius]

I'm having some issues with the girl I'm dating at the moment. While, I've probably not connected so closely/well to anyone like this, sexually or non-sexually, in the past... there are some very confusing problems.

 

I've been unable through intercourse to make her *really* orgasm, she says she has here & there but obviously not the full-on face smacker. Yet, she's indicated in so many ways that every other guy she's ever been with really hasn't had a problem getting her to do so. It wouldn't always happen, but for the most part... she says she's never been so turned on by anyone - which even though having an orgasm is not the end all be all - I don't see how that can be with such a past.

 

Now I can very likely live knowing that I'm not that good. I'm the type to do everything I can to try & fix the problem, but to think that every other Joe on the street knows what's up makes me feel like a pile of crap.

 

The thing that got me to write this post was the other day it was mentioned (not sure why) if she remembers the last time she had sex in a certain place. And while the answer could have been ... ages ago, or at least two years for example, it was yea 'it was great sex'... and then changed the subject... like it was a slip, let's not talk about that.

 

So that just made me feel worse & it seemed an innocent statement but I was wondering if I should press on that & find out if there was anything meant in relation to what we're doing. Honestly, I'd rather try to get right with any problems on my own than keep spending money on someone to give me an inferiority complex.

 

Should I let that statement slip and move on or bring it up? I figure the latter will make me sound insecure and jealous. But the former will be hard to let go of.

[sugardonut]

It's kind of insensitive for her to disclose that she has orgasmed with her past boyfriends and to say she had "great sex" with someone else.

 

I wouldn't bring up the fact that she has made those specific comments, per se. But you need to have a discussion with each other about your sex life in general. How satisfied you both are, what you would like more/less of, what new things you can try to get her to orgasm etc

 

Don't get down about it. In the process of finding a good technique for making her orgasm, it can bring you closer together sexually, and I'm sure it would be fun along the way.

[matius]

Thanks sugardonut, appreciate that... no matter what I guess I can use this as an exercise to build my own strength. She wasn't right to say these things but in context I felt that she wasn't being necessarily malicious, maybe just too honest for her own good. I mean, who's to say I haven't had great sex in the past. The majority of her actions speak to the fact she wants to be a part of this, so I would much rather focus on improving our sex life & not say anything than to say something and mark the beginning of the end.