LAYAAN Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Is it possible to find a man who believes in the institution of marriage, wants to get married, but is okay with his partner not wanting kids? From what I've seen, its difficult to find a man who wants marriage but is okay with the woman not being sure about kids or possibly never having kids. So, in that sense its a package deal. Marriage + kids or no marriage + no kids Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 It's quite possible. I want to get married someday, but don't know if I want children. Mostly because I feel uncomfortable around them (not in that way, but I just don't know how to relate to them.) Maybe I'll feel more at ease with my own kids, but most of the time, little kids and babies scare the crap out of me. The issue is finding someone who's okay with this, and isn't a single mother. Not that I wouldn't date a single mom, but like I've said, I'm uncomfortable with kids. And being that I have limited sexual/relationship experience, I don't see myself being comfortable in that situation. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Wow... I'm happy to read a reply from a male to this post. Thank you. Not trying to hint anything, but where can I possibly find such a man? Sorry, if my Q sounds ridiculous. Link to comment
atlanticstar Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Absolutely possible. Personally I've never wanted children, but happy with the idea of marriage when the right person comes along. I'd be very happy to find a woman that didn't want children and loved me for who I am. Link to comment
Is Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I am a 20 year old male. I absolutely hate kids, but I truly believe in commitment. No better way to commit than being married : ) Link to comment
kapitald Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yes, it's possible. I'm married and I don't want kids. My wife does though, your question is similar to mine, just the other way around. Link to comment
pip Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 There are heaps of people (male and female) who want marriage but not kids. I agree it might be difficult to find people like this. I suggest you try online dating sites & be upfront about your preferences. That's probably the best way to meet like-minded people. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Of course. The last couple of guys I dated seriously used to say they didnt mind and would have them If I wanted them, but if I didnt it wouldnt be the end of the world. of course they possibly arent the best examples but my dad was the same. He wasnt fussed but was into marriage etc. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Honestly I'm undecided on this one cause growing up I never wanted kids but I have been opened to dating a girl who wants kids cause its very hard to find a good girl who doesn't. Whos to say a woman can start off wanting no children in a relationship and as she gets older she all the sudden wants kids. If I don't have kids, great! I would love that to happen but if I get married chances are I will be having a lot of sex and theres no telling what can happen so if I do have kids then thats also great i'm also opened to that as well. I can tell you if she doesn't want kids to me thats a plus!. Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Not trying to hint anything, but where can I possibly find such a man? Sorry, if my Q sounds ridiculous. Home Depot? Just kidding. But seriously, there's no actual place that attracts marriage-seeking-but-no-children guys...at least to my knowledge. Maybe you'll have some luck dating guys who work as research assistants, etc. In other words, those who are very career-minded and seem likely to not want kids altogether. Good luck. Link to comment
alvin Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 My wife didn't want kids, I did, but not strongly. It didn't end our marriage, and by itself wouldn't have, but it didn't help. Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 There are definitely a few out there. I know two couples who are child-free by choice and very happy. I'm in my mid-30s and 95% don't want kids - although I'd happily be a stepmom. Link to comment
bertdru Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I will fall on my knees and thank God if I ever meet a woman who has the same beliefs. I want a committed relationship(marriage, whatever) but no kids. If you know any Indian women, living in India, with the same beliefs, please let me know. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 hey, I'm born and raised in India too. I know what you mean, really. Raising kids in India where living is getting tougher day-by-day, is not a joke. I can certainly understand why you say that. Most of my friends are married. Those who are not, laugh at me for not wanting kids. When I shared my confusion about having kids with some Indian men that I met through arranged marriage process, they gasped and questioned if I was biologically a female, if I was fertile, if I had any kids (that I had kept hidden) from previous relationships Anyway, you continue to pray to God. Thats all I can say. Finding such girl in India is going to be hard. Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 How strange...I *do* want kids, and I invariably attract men who don't. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 hmm... wow... well... next time you see someone like that, direct them to me please and I'll direct all the guys who said to me on phone "I just want to get married and start a family." "I will wait max 1.5 yrs into marriage to have a child" interesting! Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 hmm... wow... well... next time you see someone like that, direct them to me please and I'll direct all the guys who said to me on phone "I just want to get married and start a family." "I will max 1.5 yrs into marriage to have a child" interesting! Wow...I have never met a man, Indian or American, who came right out and said he was serious about that. Seriously, I wonder what it is about me that attracts the type of man who doesn't want that. It could be that as an ABD people treat me differently. So frustrating; such a mundane thing to want marriage and family, and yet I have so much trouble meeting a guy who is serious about that...I think part of the problem is I generally attract high-powered career-oriented types who assume that I am the same way. Anyway, so the grass is not that much greener on this side of the fence! Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Btw Tinu, do you have in your profile that you don't want kids? That will immediately get rid of the people who do want them. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 When I had my profile on EH, I answered "want kids?" as "maybe" because I'm not 100% convinced that I don't want kids. Its true though that in my perfect life I have not pictured myself with a kid. I have pictured myself with a husband though. I want to be with a man who won't start nagging me a year into marriage, "I want kids, I want kids". While on jeevansathi, there is no chance of saying what my take on kids is. Jeevansathi is geared towards arranged marriage. In arranged marriage system (AMS), certain basic rules apply. Like Icraus (one of the posters here) said in one of his recent posts, if you even ask Qs related to basic rules in AMS, the guy/girl would be out before you take next breath in. So, I'm willing to compromise and step down and think more favorably about having a child. But I'm not willing to compromise and have a child with a man within 1-2 years into marriage. To deliver a baby by the 2nd wedding anniversary, I will have only 1 year and 3 months into my marriage to enjoy the married life, get to know the person. Thats too short IMO to get to know the person before taking this life-altering decision of having a baby. That scares me. I'm not ready for that. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Wow...I have never met a man, Indian or American, who came right out and said he was serious about that. Seriously, I wonder what it is about me that attracts the type of man who doesn't want that. It could be that as an ABD people treat me differently. So frustrating; such a mundane thing to want marriage and family, and yet I have so much trouble meeting a guy who is serious about that...I think part of the problem is I generally attract high-powered career-oriented types who assume that I am the same way. Anyway, so the grass is not that much greener on this side of the fence! Hey Marsh, its interesting that you say that. I wonder if there is something about ABD people that makes them not want to have kids... well... mostly men I'm talking about. I think I met only 1 ABD man who said to me that he was looking to get married and start a family and his theory was 'if you are gonna have kids, have 'em sooner than later'. So, when I said that my preference would be to wait to have kids, he simply moved on. You may be right about the high-powered career-oriented type of people not wanting kids. I'm not high-powered career-oriented. I hope it doesn't sound contradictory to the degree that I'm pursuing. I've seen too many problems in my own family after couples had kids in a hurry including my parents' marriage so I'm afraid. Honestly, my reasons for not wanting kids has nothing to do with carrer-oriented, high-powered jobs. It has more to do with getting time to enjoy the things that I want to enjoy in life: my hobbies, travelling, living a carefree fun life with my husband for a few years at least with my husband before I start thinking about kids. Its strange how you and I have been attracting what we don't want. sigh... Link to comment
sjgot1 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 As an unmarried guy, who'd prefer not to have kids, I think I relate to what you're saying about expectations of wanting kids. As a Christian, in the church scene I find that its almost assumed that anyone who gets married will have kids (e.g. baby shows on stage). This discourages me from seeking relationships within the church and I sometimes feel really left out of the whole social scene there. I don't have any magical solutions but it's good to find out what a prospective partner wants early on before things get serious. Simon G Link to comment
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