Chances of geting back with your ex. An actual percentage!

[melrich]

raider5, this may help you. Bear in mind that these numbers are based on Australian MARRIED couples. The family law court here released a study two years ago, according to their numbers the following applied. 43% of all marriages have at least one "trial" seperation. Of those 88% had more than one and of those 92% had more than two or stayed separated. thereforeeee where there was a "trial" seperation (their term) 12% got back together permanently but 88% had some sort of attempt at reconciliation. As I said, keep in mind these are marriages and most were likely to be 7 year plus relationships (7 years is the average here for failed marriages). I would expect the numbers to be quite different if there was any empirical data around younger, less formal relationships. The divorce rate in Australia is 30%.

[mahlina]

GeeCee,

 

If you read the post that I wrote in that discussion, if you were me, then you'd understand. The last two threads were clearly not friendly. Can I helpt it? And to mention my name again: that's unecessary. Why say, look at the part where that says, "to mahlina..." Why add to the flame? Why can't he just say, look at the second paragraph?! That's at least being a little more aware of how others feel.

 

I think that everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but when you start pointing at a person's comment, just because you disagree, well then at least show respect by not saying, "you, you, you, you say this and that..." and then pointing fingers. Instead why can't people just communicate and say, I know where you're coming from, instead of being mean about it? At least be respectful enough where you're not intending to target a person for sharing his/her opinions.

 

Besides, once a dumper leaves the dumpee, the chemistry's not always completey the same. Sure, 2nd chances work out, but haven't you heard, "Love is not enough..." ? We can love someone so much, but if there's enough cause for conflict, while 'dating,' then what makes a person think that it will last during marriage? That's why, I see so many broken marriages. It doesn't mean that you should give up hope, it just means that we have to 'mature' and learn to accept the facts of the break-up and move on. Hoping will only do more harm than good right? Especially if the dumper moves onto a 'new' relationship. When he/she does this, my manager puts it so well, "They're basically saying that YOU are NOT good enough...."

 

Shouldn't we learn to let go, if this is the case? Once you play with fire and get burned, it's smart that you learn your lesson.

 

Mahlina

 

P.S.- That's why I chose not to respond to the last two posts of that thread, his including the other one. When a person backs off from a discussion, that just shows that they don't want to get involved for further conflict, know what I mean? I put a lot of heart & emotions into it, and thought that my response were shot down too unfairly. I'm just asking that he leaves me out. That's all. Continue on with the discussion, it's good to share our opinions, but realize that there are sensitive boundaries....

[melrich]

In my previous post I said "most were likely to be 7 year plus". This was incorrect. I should have said many would have been 7 year plus relationships. Really what I am assuming is that a study a accross marraige break downs the average age of the relationship is likely to be much longer than is the case for relationships we have when we are younger. Just a correction.

[charmed]

Hi Guys !

 

and Hi Mahlina !!

 

Well - you still seem to be flaming about flaming again - the last time we met (many months back) you attacked me about the same thing (if you remember) !!

 

Do you understand what a forum is about? If you don't want to be quoted, don't type it ! It's really that simple.

 

When someone wants to comment on something you said - they must point out exactly what they are commenting on - otherwise the reader would have absolutely no clear idea about what they were talking about !

 

There is nothing disrespectful about isolating a posters comments - it's a discussion - thats what happens in discussion. Do you believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but they are not allowed to be vocal about it?

 

I'll agree with you on one thing though. People (extra especially in the USA) jump into marraige way way way to quickly. The divorce rate is testament to the failure of that approach, and also fueling the way that people value the institution of marraige so much now a days. But marraige as we used to know it is certainly not mainstream anymore. It's a way for many insecure people to get some form of security into their relationship - and apparently a committment too much for many of them.

 

~

 

PS: Don't even think about flaming me And no PM's either thank you !!

[DaisyB]

Okay, I'll play.

 

I got curious and tried searching the web for data (a very informal search -- about 15 minutes). The only thing I came up with is at link removed The site talks about a book by a PhD in California who interviewed over 1,000 couples. (Which doesn't sound like a lot for stats like this.) She claims that this data is true for couples who dated, broke up, and reunited at least 5 years later: 78% of first loves who reunite stay together, 72% percent overall.

 

(I assume the "overall" means 72% of second+ loves who reunite stay together.)

 

That percentage seems RIDICULOUSLY high to me. I'm sure her math is correct (I hope a PhD can get it right), but there are so many variables in situations like these that I don't trust the figures. (And yes, I know that her calculations take variables into account -- I took stats, too -- I just trust my common sense on this one.)

 

I know it's not exactly what you were looking for, raider5, but I was curious, too.

[melrich]

These figures are not high to describe the situation you are talking about, couples who break up and then re-unite 5 years later or more. I would suggest that of these 1000 couples, there may have been as few as 20 or so that would fall into this category and you have had plenty of time to think things through clearly after 5 years.

[charmed]

I'm a stats student : in a renouned department.

 

The 1000 figure is used reguarly. It's actually 1011, but the reason it is used is because you get a 3% margin of error with that number of sampels.

 

THe problem with that figure is that it was probably refined to a confined location - ie californa or close by. It may well be the actual figures for couples in that area. But not relevant to New York, or London etc.

 

The wideness and randomness of the sample spread is very relevant to the study.

 

Hope this helps some !

 

~

[mahlina]

It's good that you mentioned that Charmed, but that part where you quote said, "Oh I wouldn't date a girl like you..." Don't you think that was 'flaming' either?

 

I didn't intend to insult you in that post either. Just got out of a bad relationship, which related to my past in seeing how people can be sick. I've been through a lot, and seen a lot in how people can be really sick to others. Seeing the married men cheat on their wives. Seeing men who molest young children, was not a good picture for me.

 

I also tried to communicate with you through PM, stating that I did NOT intend to target you? Can you blame me for seeing one of the most hideous sides to human beings? I didn't say all men were like that. So, my point is buddy, I did not try to 'flame' you.

 

I don't know, but Rader, I give much props to you for loving your ex so much. I just felt offended where the response went to "you..you.." Perhaps, that wasn't his intent, but that's just what I got out of it.

 

The internet leaves a lot of room for errors in mis-communication, so it's probably just good to not say you, you. Get what I mean?

[avman]

Topic now locked due to flaming