New Guy, possibly a bad sign?

[dolcedolore]

So I'm only 20, and I'm trying out this whole dating thing. I don't exactly know what I'm looking for, but I just want to keep dating anyway.

 

A couple of weeks ago I met this guy with so much in common, had a great big spark with him, didn't have too much contact (maybe twice a week) sorta kissed him passionately for a long time on the second date, but it ended suddenly. That's done with now, but I immediately knew that I liked him and wanted it to go as far as it would.

 

Just now I got back from a date with this new really great guy. He's a total gentleman, completely open with his feelings and intentions. We've been texting a lot this week, and have now gone on two dates. He's being extremely open with me and like I said, treating me really really well. I find him attractive enough, but... I just don't know if there's anything really there. I mean, I would feel something when I'd brush his arm, and I do feel comfortable with him, but I'm not giddy right now. After the date with the first guy, I was so completely giddy and excited. That guy didn't turn out to be so great in the end though. With this guy, I'm not excited, just wondering whether or not I should give him a chance.

 

So I was just wondering what people thought. I'd like to give him another chance (at least a third date) and realistically I'm just wondering if that spark has to happen right away, as in the first week, or if anyone has experience with it growing into that spark.

[waveseer]

Knowing what I know now I would rather develop a relationship solidly and slowly and not being over the top excited really helps slow things down a bit. A good man who's interested is hard to find. I suggest you try to remain open minded and give him a real chance.

[dolcedolore]

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm thinking. I've had that immediate spark and knowing that you really want that person, but as great as that is, I haven't had much luck with it. I'm pretty sure this new guy is genuine (maybe too much so for me actually), so I'm trying to just give it a chance even though I'm not as giddy as I'm used to being.

 

He just texted me to say "goodnight beautiful." It's sweet, but I'm just not used to that. I think I'm so used to men who leave me wondering (and I do hate that!), and maybe that's why I get so nervous and giddy around them. Whereas this guy is completely clear... hmm. I guess I'll just go with it for awhile.

[Blockhead1013]

Girls like you are angels for even giving guys like him (which is like me) a chance, but honestly its not worth leading him on, which you're going to end up doing.

[bentandbroken]

In my past experience, I've dated guys that I didn't get too extremely giddy about. The guy I am currently with, I was like that. Hardly giddy at first, a few times maybe a tad' bit', mostly just relaxed and didn't seem too overly excited like I usually am. Even when we first got intimate I don't think I was bursting with giddyness, I took it slow. Now it's been six months, and we're talking about moving in together.

I guess you never "really" know until you try it, you are pretty much going in with nothing, and if it just doesn't work you aren't losing anything.

[BriarRose]

I'd say if you need a third date to know if there is even a spark, it probably won't happen.

[ModernTalking]

I'd say if you need a third date to know if there is even a spark, it probably won't happen.

 

Yeah, agreed. I have to admit that I very much prefer it to be "like fireworks" from the first date as then there is less second thoughts going round by head. Although, unfortunately it hasn't been like that in my dates recently

[notsogood]

Ive been in your situation a lot actually. I like to give the other person a chance, more so than most people. I can usually tell after like 2 dates if it is someone I would want to be with, however usually I let it last till like date 10 haha. You should have a feeling after the second date id say. Otherwise you're leading him on.

 

He sounds like a "nice guy".

[KH26]

Hmm... I'd say if you think it's something that could develop then give him a chance but if you don't think there'll ever be a spark then don't keep it going longer than it has to. That wouldn't be fair on you or him.

 

With my current boyfriend there wasn't much on the first date, I have to admit. But I think maybe that was partly down to nerves on my side. I was so focused on feeling nervous that I wasn't leaving much room for any other feelings (if that makes sense). But the feelings definitely did get stronger after that and now we've been together almost a year.

 

I agree that after second or third date there probably should be something there though. Maybe go on another date, see if anything changes then decide.

[dolcedolore]

Yeah... I agree with almost all of these posts.

 

It's not that I really get great big sparks when I'm around the person, I'm just kind of relaxed, but I find myself reliving moments or thinking about that person giddily, and that just isn't happening right now. I don't know, I spoke to my roommate, and she pointed out the fact I've been so stressed out with finals (I haven't slept or eaten very much lately, had to do horrible last minute work, and have pretty much been pissed off this whole last week to be honest) that I really haven't had time for anything else to think about. When I compared this date to the previous guy that I briefly dated, she pointed out the fact that it had been awhile, so maybe I was just so excited because of that fact alone. Also, the fact that there are lots of sparks on a first date does not mean that that person is actually legit or that it'll last, as I've found.

 

I should probably clarify that the first date wasn't really a date. We just had coffee and spoke for about 45 minutes, then texted each other a lot, and went on an actual date yesterday. The reason it wasn't spread out was because I'm going back home for break today. I did feel pretty relaxed around him and we did have some really great conversations. I am going to give him another chance, maybe find a more relaxed setting to see if anything happens/how I feel about that. I just know that he's a lot more into me than I am into him at this point, and that makes me feel a bit awkward.