really struggling

[jimbobday]

Well a few weeks before me and my ex broke up I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I though I was getting through it ok but had a lot of mood swings. Then when we broke up everything went spiraling downhill (I hadn't explained at the time that I had depression). Now everyday feels like a real struggle.

 

Has anyone else been through this depression then a break up? how did you deal with it?

[90_hour_sleep]

do you think the depression was an underlying cause of the breakup?

 

i went through that. was just in a generally dark place for so many years. while the relationship felt like that place of safety from the rest of the world...it wasn't at all healthy. if one person is unhappy within the relationship...generally the other person with find themselves to be an extension of that unhappiness.

 

what have you done so far?

 

lots of options out there for sure. do you have a doctor that you trust? is therapy an option? there are some great books out there on cognitive behavioral therapy. i could recommend one called ''feeling good'' by 'david burns'. might be a place to start...just to kind of get the ball rolling. you've actually already started the process just by initiating a conversation for help. you're already in the right frame of mind to move forward.

 

remember to be gentle with yourself. what you're going through isn't forever. it's a bump in the road...but it's all a part of the experience. you might find that you'll learn more about yourself over the course of the next year than you've ever learned. depression means you're stuck. growth is what will unstick you.

 

 

[jimbobday]

Thanks for the post 90_hour_sleep

 

I definitely think depression was a major part of the reason for the breakup (There were a few other factors but they all played a minor part). It felt like the spark had gone but that was just because I had become someone I didn't used to be.

 

I know exactly what you mean when you say the relationship felt like that place of safety from the rest of the world. I felt like the relationship was the one thing that made me happy and it was definitely unhealthy. I just wish I could have dealt with it sooner as my ex blamed herself for what was happening and thought that she was hurting me. I felt guilty for not making her aware of the depression but she had her own issues to deal with. I have just told her today though which left me feeling less guilty. I had always been the strong one in the relationship as she had a lot of issues from her past.

 

So far I think I've taken the right steps I talked to family about it and they have been really supportive. I have started taking antidepressants and have my first CBT appointment in a few weeks. I have been going through major mood swings and have found myself becoming very confused. The last couple of week felt like they have lasted forever. Work has been a real struggle lately.

 

Thanks for recommending the book to. I will have to try and get it.

 

Sorry if this post sounds a bit disjointed. I just have issues concentrating at the moment.

[jc123]

i think cbt will be highly beneficial as you can describe exactly what is happening and work from there.

[90_hour_sleep]

well...no worries. i know it's not an easy process. lots of ups and downs along the way...of that you can be sure of. breakups just have a knack for causing emotional upheaval. kind of a cool opportunity to figure out why. sounds like you saw your relationship in much the same light as i saw mine. i know for me that there was some small comfort in finally realizing that it wasn't a healthy environment. sure, it could've been. there were all sorts of things i could've been doing...but the reality of my psychological state really made those things impossible. i was doing the best i could at the time. so easy to go back and speculate on what could've been done. what happened was the only thing that really matters. it couldn't have been different. learn your lessons...pick up the pieces...and be grateful for whatever wisdom you acquire through the process. you'll look back on this one day. it's an opportunity.

 

i don't have any experience in the medication department...but as far as i know...that could be a contributing factor to the mood swings. i've had a few people in my life with severe forms of depression, and for all of them it took some time to find the right medication. everyone is different in the chemical sense.

 

something to keep in mind anyway.

 

i know it's tough to deal with the guilt associated with a relationship. you'll come to terms with it in your own time. there's definitely a period of grieving...the intensity of loss. it hurts. i'm of the opinion that it's worthwhile to experience those feelings in full. everything will be screaming at you to run away...to avoid...to find distractions. it's no way to heal though. for every piece of unacknowledged pain, a seed is left behind. that seed will always find ways to root itself. i think a good therapist will help you in that department.

[jimbobday]

Thanks again. I think me and you were in a very similar situation 90_hour_sleep. The last statement you made is very true. I know that there is a lot from my past that I didn't deal with but instead distracted my mind away from it to lead me to where I am now and I think therapy will really help me there