exback Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I told my story a lot lately but once again...: my fiancé left me after 4 years together - after a fight he was (I guess) fed up with me and started ignoring me and never talked to me again. No official break up and no final conversation. He sent my stuff via mail even so we live 30 minutes apart. I never cheated, lied or anything like that... In the end he didn't spent a lot of time with me, he went to partys and he went out with friends and didn't tell me (didn't even think about asking me to come with him). He told me I am a party pooper because I don't like drinking alcohol. I was totally unintersting and boring. The first months after the break up (or him starting to ignore me) was horrible and I called and emailed and so on...After that 1. month I stopped since he didn't even reply ONCE - not once after 4 years together. I hopped he would suffer and miss me at least just a tiny bit but my friends told me he is having fun now - meeting new people (during our first 3 years together he hated partys and during the 4. year it all started...) and beeing in a good mood and so on.. I recently called him after 9 months since break up and he didn't take the call and didn't call back - so I guess he is still ignoring me. Truth is: he is happy without me and I feel so unimportant and as if I wasn't good enough even so I tried my best 4 years long to be a good girlfriend. It seems to me I wasn't "cool" enough and not a fun person he would like to have as his grilfriend. I am rather serious but not "cool"... I am sad but today I realized - he won't come back and I can stopp trying. He is happier without me - it is time to give up I guess... Link to comment
startinover Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Some people are just crappy humans. Don't waste any thoughts on this guy, because that's a waste of potentially good times and meeting someone worthwhile. Don't give him satisfaction and start enjoying life! Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 It had nothing to do with you "not being good enough", you just wanted different things out of life and ended up being incompatible. Don't beat yourself up. He had more of a part in the destruction of your relationship than you did. Link to comment
rj1567 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Never let someone change how you feel about yourself. If anything you were too good for him. Something changed in your relationship and now he wants to be a party boy. If that is not your lifestyle then you need to say goodbye. It appears he has made his decision and I don't think you would be happy with it the new lifestyle. It is easy to question yourself when someone leaves, I am doing it right now with a girl. I treated her better than anyone she was previously with (her words) but in the end it didn't matter, she wasn't over her ex. It has nothing to do if I was good enough, or too good - which is probably more the case, she wasn't used to nice! Point is, you were good enough, he wasn't good enough for you! Link to comment
exback Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Thank you. It took me more than 9 months to realize he is not sitting at home and suffering while missing me. He is not even thinking about me - he has his happy new little life and I feel as if he just decided to throw me away since he decided he doesn't need me anymore... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Sounds like your ex left you for the love of his life...booze and parties! Really, don't waste your time thinking about him and putting yourself down. People who like to booze it up and party hardy do indeed think the more serious-minded people are boring. I can see why...life is so much more exciting when you can giggle and stick straws up your nose, vomit copiously in technicolour and disappear into a room in someone's house while everyone else there knows you are in there having sex with someone you just met. Yep, those are really "cool" people! Serious people do have fun...but their idea of fun is just different from those who like to party and drink. Link to comment
careber Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 It wasn't you were not good enough. I think you guys drifted apart in the past 4 years. Goals in life have drifted into two different directions. His idea of ideal girlfriend has changed. You were good to him and you know you were. That's what it matters. Link to comment
exback Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Somehow I feel relieved. Realizing he is NOT sitting at home and waiting for me to say the right things for him to come back takes the pressure off...no need for me to call, email, text - no need at all. He is happy without me. I should work on being happy without him, too. For the first - today, after 9 months since break up - I was able to delete his phone numbers since I am sure I won't call him again! Link to comment
PureGrace Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Hope you feel better soon, I can understand how you feel. Link to comment
BobbyC Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Sorry to hear what you've gone through... From the sound of things, it wasn't you who wasn't good enough. What type of person walks away and never looks back? What type of person won't even show the common decency of an explanation to their fiance? That is not a good person. Link to comment
SULLY323 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I am glad you are moving on, even though you had nine tough months. This sounds similar to me- after 7 years, my wife has left to be a "party girl" We could never go out because she didn't think it was fair to leave her daughter with a babysitter while we "partied". So now she left because she needed more out of life. Her daughter is old enough to stay home by herself now, and now she goes out all the time.... She made me feel inadequate too-- I just haven't moved on yet... Link to comment
fearless31 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 it's great that you are moving on and were able to take the BIG step of deleting things...this realization will help your healing TREMENDOUSLY. i promise you...be kind to yourself and expect some setbacks, but don't let them get you down if they happen, that is all part of this process. good luck! Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I can see why...life is so much more exciting when you can giggle and stick straws up your nose, vomit copiously in technicolour and disappear into a room in someone's house while everyone else there knows you are in there having sex with someone you just met. Yep, those are really "cool" people! lol that's hilarious CAD... I agree don't feel "less than" because you are a mature and serious minded person, that would be caving into his twisted logic.. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 lol how can you even think this you were too good - he had mental issues which disabled him from seeing that hence the shallow life he is leaving now. just like my ex - i did everything for him. yet i dont even need proof to know that he is having commitment free flings right now - even though i KNOW 1000000000% i did so much for him, some people just CANT HANDLE it and they PREFER (yes prefer!!!) to have meaningless existances. maybe sub consciously its all they feel they deserve. My ex had only commitment free f-buddies before me and i guess thats what hes gone back to. cos he cant take the "relationship stuff" , even though, i assue u, the "relationship stuff" was completely worth it because i gave him so much good stuff.....whatever huh! you will find somone who CAN HANDLE a real relationship and has enough vision to realise what a good relationship IS Link to comment
brookedBD Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I know how you feel. My ex initially left me to party it up all the time. I felt so unimportant and used and down on myself. When he's used up all his party magic and wants to settle down, he'll probably look back with regret. My ex had a month or two where he wanted to stop the party life and wanted me back. But those people arent worth it and you need to find someone else that completes you! Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.