Getting Bored/Uninterested Pretty Quickly

[dolcedolore]

So I know I've been posting a lot here about this same guy, so bare with me if I'm repeating myself

 

I'm a college student and I met this guy online about a month ago. He asked me out, we went on a date, he paid, was a complete gentlemen, didn't make any moves that night, etc. After that we'd speak every couple/few days usually on the phone, sometimes online. Saw him at his place before Thanksgiving break, we hung out with his roommates, had a great time, and ended up kissing (that's as far as it went, and he said he would let me set the pace) for about an hour. He was really sweet to me when I left. I called to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving, and we talked for a little while, but he was with family so we ended up not talking very much. He said he would call me when was free. So he called me and left a message a couple of days later (Friday I think). I called back and left a message saying that I would be busy that night with friends. He hadn't called back, and I understood that he was busy with family, so I decided to just call him last night. No answer.

 

Maybe I'm too impatient, maybe I just exaggerate things, but... there's something in me that just feels like it's over before it really began. I do like distance--that's one of the things that I've liked about this because I've had relationships move far too quickly and end too quickly. But I feel like there's a line, and I'm starting to feel like too little contact means not enough interest. I think I lose interest myself too easily when this happens. I mean, I could really like this guy, but I can easily find other dates and that's kind of where I am right now... just out impatience and a bit of frustration. I'm pretty sure that this guy isn't seeing anyone else--not that we've mentioned anything about being exclusive--just from the way his roommates talk, seem to know a little about me, and from the fact that he's usually free. I don't like wasting my time though.

 

What do you guys think? Am I too impatient? Should I just move on already? It's just that... I have experience with guys losing interest pretty quickly and I won't let myself get hurt again so fast like that.

[annie24]

are you interested in getting to know this guy better, or would you rather move on?

[Scorpion Fury]

Just don't have any expectations and keep yourself open to any other guys you might meet.

[matson1990]

Nice guys always lose? seems its true

[bochen181]

You keep on saying "guys losing interest pretty quickly" so maybe you should ask yourself WHY is it that they always lose interest pretty quickly. Maybe he took your "busy with friends" as a sign of implicit rejection? You should definitely call him one more time to be sure.

[dolcedolore]

I wouldn't mind getting to know him better, but... I just feel like this no/little contact thing=no/little interest. It's frustrating, and I don't want to waste my time with someone who's not very interested, been there and done that. I don't really know whether he's uninterested at this point or not, but I just... am too impatient for my own good. I doubt he's playing games with me, but when guys do that, I lose interest almost immediately. I like the advice about not having any expectations. I wish I could follow that...

 

About the nice guys losing thing... I am only ever interested in nice guys, but it seems like they always lose interest in ME, and turn out to not be so nice. That's what I'm looking out for this time. I feel like I'm at the point where I could really fall for this guy, with more time of course, but I'm not willing to do that (again) if he's just not that into it. Which is why I'm thinking about going out with some other people...

[annie24]

at this stage, it would be perfectly acceptable for you to stay in contact with this man while getting to know others. i see nothing wrong with calling him again to say hi. like the other poster said, maybe he felt you were uninterested? so show him you are interested. see if he steps things up.

[dolcedolore]

You keep on saying "guys losing interest pretty quickly" so maybe you should ask yourself WHY is it that they always lose interest pretty quickly. Maybe he took your "busy with friends" as a sign of implicit rejection? You should definitely call him one more time to be sure.

 

I've had that happen a couple of times to me where I tried to hang on to the relationship and it just turned out badly. I just am trying to be careful because I've gotten hurt too easily in the past.

 

I took that angle, thinking that maybe he thought I was too busy, didn't have time for him, etc. So that's why I called him around 7 last night. No answer. Hasn't called back. I can't help but think that it equals not interested.

[annie24]

well, now i'd say that the ball is in his court.

[ModernTalking]

What do you guys think? Am I too impatient? Should I just move on already? It's just that... I have experience with guys losing interest pretty quickly and I won't let myself get hurt again so fast like that.

 

Maybe, give him another call tonight and then you have really done your part - also, follow it up with a text asking how things are, and that you called earlier (and last night).

 

Now, if he doesen't reply to that (or pick up the phone/return the call), I think you will know where you stand.

 

The point is to try more then once (that call could have been at a busy time), but obviously you will know where you stand if he doesen't respond to the above with much enthusiasm.

[dolcedolore]

Well, I've now tried twice, and it's totally in his court to call. If he doesn't do so by tonight, I'm going to think he's moved on.

 

I came on here assuming the worst, was I wrong? Am I just too impatient? Does it sound like he's interested? Like I said, I understand space, I like space, but this seems to be a bit much, which is why I'm on the brink of cutting him loose.

[bochen181]

I've had that happen a couple of times to me where I tried to hang on to the relationship and it just turned out badly. I just am trying to be careful because I've gotten hurt too easily in the past.

 

I took that angle, thinking that maybe he thought I was too busy, didn't have time for him, etc. So that's why I called him around 7 last night. No answer. Hasn't called back. I can't help but think that it equals not interested.

 

 

Not to pry but objectively how would you rate your physical looks compared to the guy himself? If you look the same or even worse than him perhaps that's why he is losing interest? Males tend to go predominant for visuals first, so are you always trying to date those that look "better" than yourself? And what about personality? If this is a pattern then there must be a reason and a root cause.. Try to find the source of your frustrations with "nice guys" and dating..

[breakupmoveon]

This is what I think.

 

It seems he is being cautious right now (in terms of not trying to push anything sexually or by making too much contact.) If it was I who was dating you, I would probably be trying to get a "feel" for how much contact you like, and back it off just one notch. See, right now, I have been talking to this girl for 2 weeks and we text multiple times a day, sometimes by her initiation and sometimes mine. I try my best to stay one notch below being too much for what pace I feel we are moving at (or by the number of contacts per day.) (we talk on the phone at length once every few days too.)

 

That being said, I wonder if this guy realizes your need for space (which seems like a lot IMHO, but everyone is different) and tries to respect your space, maybe by giving you one notch too much space. But because there is such little contact to begin with, he thinks he is doing you a service by not bugging you when actually he is making you think he is uninterested.

 

Just call him to talk. You have nothing to lose. He will probably be flattered.

[dolcedolore]

Not to pry but objectively how would you rate your physical looks compared to the guy himself? If you look the same or even worse than him perhaps that's why he is losing interest? Males tend to go predominant for visuals first, so are you always trying to date those that look "better" than yourself? And what about personality? If this is a pattern then there must be a reason and a root cause.. Try to find the source of your frustrations with "nice guys" and dating..

 

Honestly... I'm not bad in the physical department. I work out a lot, am pretty thin, I am short, have average sized breasts I suppose, but have great eyes and hair, and people do comment on the fact that I am pretty. I have been called pretty, cute, gorgeous, beautiful, hot... pretty much everything but sexy, lol. Some of my family members (the jerky ones) assume that I am a lesbian because "how could such a pretty girl not have a guy?" So I doubt it's that. I would consider him to be cute or attractive, but not "hot." I don't go for "hot" guys and find them rather boring. I prefer nice, cute, and interesting men. I guess that's what gets me into trouble...

 

And I have asked myself why these men that I see lose interest too quickly. I honestly don't know... and it's really hard for me.

[ModernTalking]

Well, it certainly sounds like you have done your part now (if you say that you have tried twice). In situations like this (which I've had plenty), I always find it comforting that I've "played my best hand" and left the ball in their court. Now, you can just sit back and see if the interest is reciprocated. Keep us posted!

[dolcedolore]

Yeah... he never called back as I predicted. I just don't understand what happened! I mean, after I kissed him, I thought that he could just be looking for one thing. But then when I called him, he answered, we talked briefly, and told me he'd call me back. He called back two days later, I've now tried twice... and he's doing the disappearing act! This is just so frustrating because the same thing happened to me before. Why do people do this? Just disappear? I mean... I suppose he met someone else, but there have to be better ways to just fade away, right?

[ModernTalking]

Yeah... he never called back as I predicted. I just don't understand what happened! I mean, after I kissed him, I thought that he could just be looking for one thing. But then when I called him, he answered, we talked briefly, and told me he'd call me back. He called back two days later, I've now tried twice... and he's doing the disappearing act! This is just so frustrating because the same thing happened to me before. Why do people do this? Just disappear? I mean... I suppose he met someone else, but there have to be better ways to just fade away, right?

 

Ah, that's a real shame - I've certainly been in this situation (and so recently as well). You both met online, and so (like you said) he could have met someone else. However, even saying this - it's a lot more dignified to be honest about it rather then "dissapearing" - A lot of the times, you have to find out the answer for yourself through direct means, and it seems you have done this here.

 

Another thing, when it doeesen't happen fast enough or it doesen't feel right, your instinct can give the correct answer. You sensed that there was something wrong, and it's always best to find out.

 

Has he just not replied/returned either a text or the calls you made from the start of the week?? If so, that says it all unfortunately. Might be time to move onto someone else.

[dolcedolore]

I'm so confused right now... It had been almost a week... I called twice, once on Friday and once on Monday. No response. He just called an hour ago and left a message. Why would he wait so long? Is that normal, or am I just paranoid? I seriously thought he was just disappearing, like what has happened in the past. I don't need daily contact, but I thought he had waited long enough and I had the mindset that I would never see him again.

[ModernTalking]

I'm so confused right now... It had been almost a week... I called twice, once on Friday and once on Monday. No response. He just called an hour ago and left a message. Why would he wait so long? Is that normal, or am I just paranoid? I seriously thought he was just disappearing, like what has happened in the past. I don't need daily contact, but I thought he had waited long enough and I had the mindset that I would never see him again.

 

It certainly sounds odd and would make me approach with more caution. I have had girls who do the same thing and now my dating instincts tell me to see it as a bad sign - My worthwhile relationships only tend to happen when we are both very keen to get in contact with each other.

 

I guess it also depends what he said in his call - what did he say? Did he give an explanation to the delay, and how good was the excuse (if any?)