Someone from my past, and I don't know what to do.

[cpc28655]

I will try to keep this brief and to the point..................

 

When I was 17, I dated a lady that I knew from work. Probably the only reason I went out with her was because I was 17, and she was 23, which seemed exciting to me at the time. However it didn't take long (only 2 dates) to realize that there was simply no chemistry between us. We had very little in common. That doesnt mean there is anything wrong with either of us. its just a basic truth.

 

Here we are, 14 years later. I get a facebook friends request from her. Of course I accept, and we start talking. She expressed an interest, so I decided to give it another chance. Well, the 3rd date showed me that we still have nothing in common, and there is still no chemistry. However, she seems a bit more determined this time around.

 

How do I tell her this without hurting her?!?!?!?

[abitbroken]

You didn't date her very long the first time, right? It was a couple dates and not a long relationship? I think that I would tell her that it was great catching up with her about old times and don't ask her out a fourth time. I am trying to come up with a way to tell her that like years ago, you don't have anything in common still. But I can't figure out a way to do that just yet. But if it just petered out before, maybe it will the same way ...

[cpc28655]

Thats just it, I never asked her out. She asked me.

[ghostgirl116]

any chance you can just reply that you are "not available... i hope you have a lovely weekend, evening, day..."? you could just not answer the phone when she calls. how do you two communicate? is it through facebook/emails/messaging? i don't think that you should feel as if you "owe" her anything. if you simply make yourself unavailable, then it is on her to get the point, providing there was no "serious" stuff said/done on your end.

[abitbroken]

any chance you can just reply that you are "not available... i hope you have a lovely weekend, evening, day..."? you could just not answer the phone when she calls. how do you two communicate? is it through facebook/emails/messaging? i don't think that you should feel as if you "owe" her anything. if you simply make yourself unavailable, then it is on her to get the point, providing there was no "serious" stuff said/done on your end.

 

I see what you are saying. But I still think there is room for being polite. After all, it doens't sound that she is a toxic person - there is nothing wrong, just not compatible. If she had just called to 'catch up' and reminisce about folks they used to mutually know it would have been no big thing. I agree that it doesn't need to be a big song and dance. It doesn't really feel like anyone is getting dumped because it was just a couple dates. Avoiding calls is sometimes hairy for the time you accidentally pick up the phone or you are spotted somewhere. its better just to be up front.

 

Maybe just the next time she asks you out, decline the invite. You don't need a huge explanation. Say you really appreciated taking a walk down memory lane. Accept plans with other friends. if she presses, tell her the truth. That she is a nice gal, but you aren't a match. The holidays are really a perfect time to be busy with lots of other things so it won't be hard to be too busy to continue?

[cpc28655]

Well, there has been an unexpected change. She discovered this very post and sent me a message telling me that all I had to do was tell her I wasnt interested. Needless to say, the problem has fixed itself.

[AuthenticAuthor]

Well, there has been an unexpected change. She discovered this very post and sent me a message telling me that all I had to do was tell her I wasnt interested. Needless to say, the problem has fixed itself.

 

Hmmm. I ought to make sure my posts are not being picked up either. Better write in Pig Latin next time.