I really messed up and cried to ex on the phone

[medtranusa]

I called my ex of a 9-year relationship today to see if he had any news on his mom's surgery. I have been recently going through major depression. We almost got back together a month ago when his new relationship which was a catalyst to our breakup, nearly ended. They decided to try again but during all the drama he was calling me. Anyway when I got him on the phone I admitted to the depression. I told him I thought it was because I quit smoking. He thought that was weird and kept pressing me for what is wrong. Well I said what do you think? He said us still? Duh. I told him I was doing well until he called (it had been about 4 months since I moved out) and that he put me back almost to square one. I even started to cry. He is a rescuer so he gets off on this crap. Just watch him call now and try to be there for me. He just had to make me spill the beans. He also inquired if I was messing around with anyone these days. Should I answer the phone when he calls? I really truly think I am feeling worse about things because of the nicotine withdrawal because I feel worse if I forget my patch. He really likes playing the rescuer. That is how his new relationship started. She is a true drama queen and his life went from a quiet one to constant drama.

[goodquestion]

No! Don't answer or return calls, at least for now! He's got a gf for crying out loud! Later on you could return every 3rd call or so, or something like that ... otherwise don't give him the time of day, just say your busy with your friends, family, or shopping, or something ...

 

l8r

[TrueHeart]

I agree with goodquestion. What you need to do is not be so available. This will be extremely difficult given your emotional attachment to this man. I am going through something similar... No contact...

 

Return every other call, or if you answer the phone, and he invites you somewhere, ask to take a rain-check.... If he destroyed your relationship with this other girl, the worst thing you could do is bring that karma back on you by doing that to her and his relationship... then you're no better than that other girl...... Doesn't seem fair, but atleast you'll be able to walk away with a clear conscience.

If he's a rescuer, and gets off on seeing people be miserable, I think I'd rather stay in distress-- if you catch my drift.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Well i hope this finds you in better spirits. I'm not sure if I would mess with the ex to much. i know 9 years is a long time. It is nice he is concerned. I did not like the fact he ask if you were seeing anyone. That makes me wonder. But in a way it is a fair question. Maybe he wants you to get over him. Sounds to me you still want this guy back and have deep feelings for him. I think that is pretty normal. But you need to focus on you right now. Nothing wrong with crying. Never be ashamed of your deep inner feeling. That is what makes us who we are. Be careful.

 

 

Have a super weekend, and get that patch on.

 

Kuhl

 

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