well boy did i mess up. the e-mail.

[QTpie87]

i really messed up this time guys. why did i do this, i still care for him as my friend, i don't love him like i did anymore though. i was upset and i totally wrote a horrible e-mail to him. god im so dumb. please someone kill mek!!!!!!! . i hate myself, kill me please god kill me.this is what i wrote to him, im usually nice to people but i freaked out on him. god what do i do. the email is below this.

 

hi,

 

well i just thought i would let you know that i still miss you. And i am trying really hard not to call you at work because i know that you want nothing to do with me anymore, which kind of sucks a$#. well i wanted you to know that i don't love you anymore @ all, i decided that someone that could know i didn't trust guys and someone who said they loved me could trash it like that doens't deserve me. i always said i didn't deserve you but, that was BS, it was you. i have changed so much sense we did that to eachother, i feel like im FREAKING 5 years older and like after how bad that hurt nothing in the world could hurt me ever again, and you know what it hasn't. i don't know what happened, but i am emotionally blocked off from everyone. After you and Jack i just basically decided that guys want one thing and one thing only, to be in control and get sex. they don't have the same feelings that females do, they will never feel love the way we do, and they will never be hurt like you hurt us. i am really just hating ever guy on the face of the earth right now, i can't trust them, i don't know how anymore, at least before i could come around sooner or later and trust them but now i just can't. even when i want to i can't. i don't want you to think that this e-mail was to make you mad or hurt you feelings-k- i just wanted to thank you for teaching me the hardest lesson i will ever learn. There is no such thing as true love, you can love one person with all your heart and no matter how much you love them they will always have that little empty space in them that just doesn't know for sure, thereforeeee it's not true love. well no matter how much i try though, i can't hate you for some odd reason. it should come so easily, but it doesn't, i have to make myself hate you every second of everyday to prevent not being hurt over it. And i don't want that anymore. See i know i don't love you like that anymore, but i feel like i lost a big part of me and you'll always have it...it really sucks. i just don't understand why you hate me. you know i was thinking and we shouldn't hate eachother. we should stay friends like how we were before we made the biggest mistake of our godforesaken lives and decided to date. i liked having you as a friend, but im not sure if you ever really liked me or just wanted some A@# later on. But i just think it is a shame that we always said we would be friends even if we broke up and we're not. You know i think we have both been through a lot together and we both just hated eachother for a long time after everything that happened, but i feel a lot better after being by myself for a long time and just being able to think through things. and im hoping you do too. i just can't stand the thought of losing your friendship. even though you hurt me and i know i hurt you at one point and time, and even though i wanted to hate you so bad, and i don't love you the same anymore, you still have been the most important person in my life. You taught me more in the while we dated and broke up then i think i could learn in 20 years, and i feel like i did the most changing i ever will. Well i hope you can pull your head out of your ass and try to understand what i just told you. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I CAN NEVER HATE YOU, but i can't love you the same either.

well please don't leave me wondering about you anymore and write back to me.

bye,

love k.

 

why did i do that, he wrote me one back all hurt and i said how sorry i was, but i don't think it will be good enough, hes gonna hate me forever.

P.S. I REALLY TRIED TO REPLACE ALL THE BAD LANG IN THE E-MAIL, IF I MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO I CAN CHANGE IT AND NOT OFFEND ANYONE ON THE SITE, SO SORRY IF I MISSED A BAD WORD.

[jclaam]

Hey there,

 

I didn't know that you had that much frustration build up in you about your ex. I know that you were really upset and still think about him alot. I'm sorry to hear that you suffering so much from this right now. I believe that alot of us on this wonderful site understand / feel your pain. I don't think is going to hate you for the rest of his life. He might be hurt or offeden about your email. I think you just want to really let him know how you really feel inside. You wanted to let him know all the feelings that you are going through right now whether is saddness or whatever. You thought it be good for him to know. Like I said many times before. We all wish that we could go back in time and take somethings that we said or done before to others around whether is our family memeber, friends, or love one's. We can't take it back what is done, is done and you have to face the fact. I know that you are really scared that he won't ever talk to you ever again. I know that is really easy for to tell you that things will be alright and that you are going through rough period right now. Just stay calm for a little bit, don't get all freaked out. Don't call and just leave him alone for while. Maybe couple weeks down the line you can email or call him tell him that the things you weren't trying to mean or hurtful to him. If he is reasonable guy, he should understand that you really didn't mean any harm and that you have just build so much inside of you. I hope this helps. You want to talk more, you know how to get hold of me. Take care!!!!!!!!

 

 

Jclaam

[NightLily]

Just to let you know, many of the things you said in your email are very typical of things being said after a breakup when the.. hurt.. party gets over their ex. In fact, it sounds very reminisent of an email I wrote at one point in time. lol. It is sad to see that you are going through the same thing, but nice to see the similarities.

 

As for if he will always hate you.. I really can't answer that for you. I'm still asking that question to myself. And I guess, really.. the question should be more like "does he care about me at all?" Surely, after being in love with you and thinking.. *wow this girl is so amazing,* he can't really turn around and just .. hate you. Can he? Most likely, the most negative his feelings could get for you would be him having no feelings for you at all. But, if that email hurt him he probably does have a few feelings for you still. I'm guessing it hurt him to hear the "I don't love you anymore" parts. Well, that could very well mean that in some ways he still loves you. Be it like he used to or as friends. He most likely does still care..

 

Also, to agree with jclaam, putting some space inbetween you and him would probably be good for you. I know it is harder to do then to say, because you miss him and probably desperately want to talk out your feelings with him, but always having him on your mind is going to do nothing but torture you. I'm thinking.. when you think you can sit down and have a kind conversation with him is when you should talk again. Until then, try to have some fun and check out all the other men! I guess what I am trying to say is that being single, once you get over the pain, can be plenty of fun.. There is a light at the end of the tunnel QTpie

 

remember, you are loved,

SuzyQ

[Greenlee]

If he didn't even mean anything at all you wouldn't have even bothered to write and he realizes that! .. Especially such a long email! Yes, those are typical break up feelings so don't worry!! It'll pass!

 

There's an old saying: "This too shall pass."

 

When you're in a difficult spot, lift your mood by looking for the humor in your predicament. Ask yourself: Will what's bothering me be important in a year?

 

 

I can top you anway! I did one step more that emailing him! I left two really really mean voicmails! That was three months ago. It's already forgotten. I just figured he knew I must still be a bit hurt so.. so what! In fact, my friends lectured me about the "no contact" rule! If you contact someone even if it's mean-spirited, that means you actually do still care! The best "revenge" or tonic for the other person's ego is INDIFFERENCE as in in no reacting and no contact! SO RELAX! It's probably already forgotten. You're obsessing because you probably still care and feel that you exposed those feelings. So what?