He updated his Match profile

[aprilflowers]

Okay, I like this man a lot and we've been going out most every week since August. I met his family twice, been to his workplace. Now I see he's updated his Match profile, rewrote the text, added new photos. We don't an exclusive agreement. But we've been close.

 

Should I freak out about this? Or is this just the norm for online dating and today's MAN?

 

I admit, I am still on Match - but only scanning....advice?

[Jpo]

Sounds like you're doing the same thing.

 

For me, until we agree to be exclusive, I am constantly on the market and talking to other women. Doesn't mean I don't like her though.

[servedcold]

This is not a good sign, but the motives are unclear. He could have seen you still on, and updated his profile to get a reaction from you. Have you talked about the match profiles? If you have been dating since August, sounds like that talk is in order.

[bayley]

Since your not 'exclusive' he probably feels he can still search around as he isn't committed to you in anyway. Your doing the same thing. Your profile is up.

 

Ive done online dating, and was always warey of ones that you'd date and they would still search. Its one thing to have your profile up, and have the 'last activity' date showing ages ago, but if its recent, you know they are still logging in and searching...like for a better option.

 

 

If you've been dating since August - thats like 4 months, you should definatly have a talk abotu where this is going.

 

After 4 months, and he's still searching dating sites AND updating his information, to me that just sounds like he's looking for something better to come along or another option.

[lady00]

It would bug me...but you're on it too. In the past I would have taken down my profile even in a non-exclusive relationship because I would have stopped looking when I found someone I really liked. But now...I think there is something to be said for not putting all your eggs in one basket before it's actually exclusive.

 

At 4 months...the exclusivity conversation should probably be coming up soon. It may be that he does not want to be exclusive with anyone at the moment.

[pinkrobot]

You say you've been "close" to exclusivity. What do you mean by that, exactly?

 

I think if you're not exclusive, and you're still "scanning" Match, you have no right to have concern over his profile update. If you're active on Match, you're active--doesn't matter what you're doing specifically.

[dr_styles]

I've just had a similar thing except with in much much smaller proportions, a few weeks vs a few months. Well one difference is I am not on the dating site anymore (unrelated to her, done before I even met her inperson).

I know of people leaving their profiles up on sites when they are not exclusive, something I understand and accept, but I personally think when you go about updating your profile when you're going with someone for a while then well, that's the signal to give up on them as a true romantic partner. It screams "till something better comes along" imo.

 

Does Match show the whole "last online" type of stuff?

[BriarRose]

Obviously, he is looking to meet someone. There is no mystery to decipher here.

 

If you are exclusive, both of you should hide or delete your profiles.

[servedcold]

Obviously, he is looking to meet someone. There is no mystery to decipher here.

 

If you are exclusive, both of you should hide or delete your profiles.

 

That is the most logical explanation, but is not always the whole story. I dated a woman from match once, and in the first couple of months we both had our profiles still up. We played all sorts of little coy slap and tickle games with each other about "others" we were dating or looking for, all sorts of little profile changing, photo changing games, when it was pretty obvious we were smitten with each other.

 

So what you are saying has a better than 50/50 chance of being the case, but there is always that possibility he knows OP will see his profile changes and it may cause a reaction in her. It's silly, but early on sometimes, "who blinks first" who asks for exclusivity, who asks that profiles be taken down first, who calls or texts more, who seems to be more taken, all become harmless little flirting power games.

[BriarRose]

So what you are saying has a better than 50/50 chance of being the case, but there is always that possibility he knows OP will see his profile changes and it may cause a reaction in her. It's silly, but early on sometimes, "who blinks first" who asks for exclusivity, who asks that profiles be taken down first, who calls or texts more, who seems to be more taken, all become harmless little flirting power games

. .

i do not think he updated his profile and added new photos to get a "reaction" out of OP. He is looking.

[sun5]

Okay, I like this man a lot and we've been going out most every week since August. I met his family twice, been to his workplace. Now I see he's updated his Match profile, rewrote the text, added new photos. We don't an exclusive agreement. But we've been close.

 

Should I freak out about this? Or is this just the norm for online dating and today's MAN?

 

I admit, I am still on Match - but only scanning....advice?

 

That won't ever be the norm for me.

 

Personally, I think 4 months is enough time to decide if the person is special to you or not. I wouldn't go past 2 months with a nonexclusive status, and that is because I am looking for a serious relationship. I don't think you can be genuinely building intimacy with someone if you are not exclusive once you get past that initial stage of attraction, interest, and having several dates with the person. Two month time frame for me would include seeing each other once per week, and talking at least every couple days. Now in your case that is true AND you've met his family! That's just a little too all-in-the-family for me. I have to wonder if your guy is really looking for a serious relationship or just an active social/dating life.

 

Several years ago, I began dating someone I met on match. After about a month and several wonderful dates together, I noticed he updated his profile to talk about how he likes wine-tasting. Um, he never had before but we did that on one of our dates LOL like the week before. I just straight up said to him, I saw your profile, I see you've acquired an interest in wine-tasting (teasing him). He laughed about it. I think it was the next week he told me he is not seeing anyone else and wants to close his profile and asked me what I thought about that. I was all for it of course. We exclusively dated for about 2 years after that. If I were you I'd joke around with your guy that you saw his updates... that's a way to, in a light hearted way, bring the discussion out in the open. It kinda lets him know that nothing gets past you, and it is relevent on you and his timeline. I would never let a guy think he is just casually dating me like I'm just an option. How could I continue to prioritize him then? I wouldn't. I'd be closin that chapter and quickly.

 

GL!!