Signs they are moving on?

[tattoobunnie]

What are some signs that a reconciliation is going sour, other than they are no longer in contact with you, or not making time to see you. The signs they are moving on, and no longer entertaining the possibility of getting back together.

 

Everyone knows...seeing someone new/dating others & the blatant, "I'm moving on line"

 

Are there other signs?

[DenverBachelor]

What are some signs that a reconciliation is going sour, other than they are no longer in contact with you, or not making time to see you. The signs they are moving on, and no longer entertaining the possibility of getting back together.

 

Everyone knows...seeing someone new/dating others & the blatant, "I'm moving on line"

 

Are there other signs?

 

That's an interesting take on it. I've always assumed they were moving on with their life unless they gave you a sign otherwise.

 

I know the biggest sign for me is that she isn't with me.

[tattoobunnie]

That's an interesting take on it. I've always assumed they were moving on with their life unless they gave you a sign otherwise.

 

I know the biggest sign for me is that she isn't with me.

 

I guess in my case...it's rebuilding through friendship with possibilities of reconciliation. And as friends, you're not together. Which is also the risk part.

[tattoobunnie]

It's tough, cuz we're there...but I don't know too many myself that can relate to this scenario. And I'm not worried or sweating...just really would like to know the signs where it just turns into plain politeness.

 

Days where I'm in it to win it. Other days where I'm like, whatevs...but I dunno if that's a guarded reaction of mine.

[doiiiieeezie]

Or you could just let it happen. Besides going NC for a week or so, have you two ever spent time "apart"?

[tattoobunnie]

Or you could just let it happen. Besides going NC for a week or so, have you two ever spent time "apart"?

 

Recently, a little over 2-1/2 weeks. Granted I was in another country...hahahha

 

We're going to the movies tonight. While it was easy make plans on Sunday ...it's all strange on his end with his doctor's appt. The back and forth emails to iron out plans, cuz he didn't return my call last night. Granted that shouldn't be a cause for alarm.

 

So, really it's go to movie, go straight home, cuz it'll be late. Not our usual style.

[tattoobunnie]

I look at it as...instead of doing something intimate together, like dinner/convo/drinks (he's doing a cleanse thing right now)...it's a public, non-interactive moment together.

[DenverBachelor]

Recently, a little over 2-1/2 weeks. Granted I was in another country...hahahha

 

We're going to the movies tonight. While it was easy make plans on Sunday ...it's all strange on his end with his doctor's appt. The back to back emails, cuz he didn't return my call last night. Granted that should be a cause for alarm.

 

So, really it's go to movie, go straight home, cuz it'll be late. Not our usual style.

 

What's his number so I can give him a call and tell him to get his a** in gear and realize what he's about to let slip away. He just needs a wake-up call.

[tattoobunnie]

What's his number so I can give him a call and tell him to get his a** in gear and realize what he's about to let slip away. He just needs a wake-up call.

 

...that was really sweet.

[tattoobunnie]

Hmm...I think I am sweating over it. He was asleep when I called. And his doc appt did only take a few minutes. And even though he was getting a cold, he came out to the movies, and added in doing something else too as an option.

 

I also took the time after the movie to acknowledge something really great he did for me...well months and months ago, that I'm totally not sure I even said thank you for. Ugh. The one thing I have learned from all of this...don't be stingy with acknowledgments and love.

 

I wasn't ready to be with him then. But I do ask myself at times, how come I can be ready now. Is it the jolt that woke me up to the situation? I hope so. I have worried that becuz of the lack of a formal exclusivity, it is the reason why I feel comfortable with the situation. No exclusiveness, no progressing of a developing commitment. At times, it feels like he's punishing me for ways I have wronged him. Other times, it feels like he's ready, but is still testing the waters.

 

We have fun plans to do something next Saturday, not tomorrow. Should be good.

 

It's interesting reading the posts on here from a different twist POV. While I was the one to initiate breaking up, and he was the one to finalize it...I was the one that kept one foot in and one foot out during the course of the relationship. I've been seeing my mistakes, making amends, slowly, but surely...and at the same time I see elements of him he could have improved, such as communication, and he knows.

 

I do ask myself...have I behaved in a certain manner because he wasn't right for me. Then there are moments, where it's just like I'm on a mission to get him back. I guess since the dust has settled for the most part between us...I do evaluate him in a manner during our current process as...is he the one for me? Dating your ex is really a lot like dating all over again.

 

The behavior people have post-breakup is just as important as your behavior during the relationship. Trust, respect, and unconditional love. In most cases, love is conditional.

[tattoobunnie]

So, he invited me over on Sunday to watch a movie...instead we talked and shared feelings. I'm not too clear about how the conversation started, but I think I was talking about how I was wooing him, and really trying. Talked about how amazing and awesome we are to each other. Basically, he still feels so hurt by me. That if we weren't friends, I wouldn't have realized a bunch of things that I do now. I told him I understood, and there was no rush. I told him to be prepared as when we both start dating others, there would be no room for what we have now. It would be unfair to the new partners. He asked me if that was what I wanted. I said, "no." And he goes, don't think about it then.

 

He told me that he loves me, trusts me...he's just not ready to get back together just yet. He needs to be certain that I don't have the same lingering baggage. That I don't trust him. Well, I see this as taking steps in the right direction of rebuilding. Communication. & letting him know it's not always about me. It'll take some time. And that works for me...I'm working hard.

[tattoobunnie]

A quick update on the reconciliation process. So the image of him looking into my eyes and saying, "I love you, I love you" this week has burned into me. We spent four days of the week together doing different things. Eating, movies, museums, shopping.

 

While I don't rely much on drunken talk...he goes on and on about how I'm the most amazing, and smartest, and he loves me. With our shopping time, he noticed a big label coat...I did rub into his face how I would have gotten it for him for x-mas if we were still together, and now that we're not...I don't spend on extravagant things for someone unless I was investing in that person...one reason why you also get someone a ring...you're invested your future in them. He understood, but that the same token it snapped us back in reality that we aren't really together.

 

While things are progressing, and we're open to each other about feelings, love, and truths...and doing things together, there is still a small voice in my head that steps in once in a while and nags at me. It showed up as he shared what his plan for the day was, go give his dad a b-day present, and a present to one of his best pals new born son...that I am not really a part of his life. And when he was just looking up some condos in a area far from me, while he was reinforcing that he was "just looking"...his decisions do not involve me.

 

At the same token...I know I can't let that get me down...that type of feeling "live life with the idea that he will leave you or hurt you"...got me into the situation I'm in now... It's an awful feeling. I guess I'm just having a moment.

[tattoobunnie]

No risk...no reward. Gotta stay focused on the bigger picture.

[Nicole2009]

So you are the dumper trying to get the dumpee back.

I will tell you this. There is a lot of pain. hurt and anger on our parts. Lots of it. And you have to work so hard to gain our trust and respect.

The first time trust is given, the second time its earned.

[tattoobunnie]

Actually...it was more of I brought up the indifference. We decided to go on a break...though it was a break-up, yet he didn't use those words. I suggested laying out our cards or taking a break for a few weeks. It became a break-up. Then a series of him making excuses to see me, with me getting my sh*t together...to us being friends that could grow into something.

 

Lots of sharing, communicating, spending time together...things are progressing.

 

We're building a new foundation.

 

Our relationship...takes two to ends things...hasn't been so black and white.

[tattoobunnie]

My ex was in another country for the past 5 days...and it felt like a vacation for me. The pressure of calling, texting, emailing...off my shoulders. All this wining and dining together is actually rather exhausting...considering the end goal isn't visibly in sight. Perhaps I have tried to hard, perhaps, I don't love him enough. Or perhaps, I just needed an "ex vacay" because I did miss him.

 

Our 1 year anniversary would have been in a few weeks. Starting to find it silly to stay in woo-mode action past that date. Like if you're not ringing in the new year together...