I need help with Self- Emotional Abuse

[blueangel]

I'm emotionally abusive to MYSELF. It's in my thoughts...typically regarding my past because there was a lot of conflict in my relationships. I have so much trouble not blaming myself, coping with what has occurred, living in the present, and loving myself. My past is constantly in my mind, and so are the negative feelings/thoughts I have about my life/myself thus far...even though I have survived it all. It hurts.

 

I have had only a few major relationships and each of them painful. I can't move on like other people because I actually don't have a bunch of people to surround myself with and call friends/family. I am protecting myself from the world it feels like and hurting all the more. I dont know how to make friends, be a friend or keep friends. It seems to just all go away and I let it.

 

Any advice?

[Lozak]

Things aren't going to change unless you MAKE them change. With whatever new relationship you find yourself in, you should just tell yourself that it's going to be different, better than the ones in your past. Don't be overly-conscious about it, because you'll just wind up setting yourself up for other issues to arise.

 

Not every relationship has to be romantic, either. If your circle of friends is as small as you make it sound, then put yourself out there and meet some new people. Go to after-work events with your co-workers, school events (if you're in college) with classmates, anything that will get you around some new people.

[blueangel]

I don't mean to mock this in any way, but nothing relates to what I have talked about. I did not talk about fearing my relationships would be the same as before. I did talk about not being to form relationships simply because the past wont' let me go. You interpreted this to mean I had a fear of future relationships. that's not it at all. I have a wonderful boyfriend and wonderful life but it's my savoring, my enjoyment that keeps being tainted by the past and the pain of its memory/my blaming of myself. I believe that you are correct in that we must make things change. But how is MY question.

 

 

Things aren't going to change unless you MAKE them change. With whatever new relationship you find yourself in, you should just tell yourself that it's going to be different, better than the ones in your past. Don't be overly-conscious about it, because you'll just wind up setting yourself up for other issues to arise.

 

Not every relationship has to be romantic, either. If your circle of friends is as small as you make it sound, then put yourself out there and meet some new people. Go to after-work events with your co-workers, school events (if you're in college) with classmates, anything that will get you around some new people.