My friend likes my boyfriend!

[Meow18]

Me & my friend & our other girl friends have always had this sort of promise to each other.. we would never date a guy that the other one liked. Shes very controlling of me & every one else, so I don't like to hang out with her alone anymore, only in a group of friends.

I started dating my boyfriend a year & a half ago. MY friend didn't know him before I started dating him, but he was in one of my classes. He's a year older than me. We didn't start dating until I was a senior. My friend still didn't get to know him to well, she never really liked hanging around us for some reason. He goes to school an hour away & I live still live at my house which is 5 minutes from his parent's house, so I go visit him on the weekends, but like once a month he will come home. Last weekend he came home & us 3 & some other of my friends (who are mostly guys) were just hanging around talking. These friends are not friends of my boyfriend, we weren't part of the same friends circle in high school, so he didn't know them too well. He was being really talkative with them though & getting to know them all.

My friend told me the other day that she has developed a major crush on my boyfriend, which kind of shocked me. She never really thought much of him before because she didn't really know him too well, but I guess from last weekend she saw what I see in him. He's like the sweetest, most perfect guy in the world & he means everything to me. I know he would never cheat on me, he's not like that at all & I know he's devoted to me.

THe problem is, now my friend is saying that I can't be with him since she has started liking him because of our little rule. What should I do? I refuse to leave him because I love him a lot & I wouldn't give him up for anything. My friend has always been selfish like that, which is why I don't really hang out with her too much anymore. We still hang out a couple times a week. I don't want to lose my friendship with my friend because she can be an awesome friend & we have been friends for 7 years now. Its kind of one of those friendships where you can't live with them, but you can't live without them.. Any advice on my situation would be very appreciated!

[Tom_Bombadil]

I think its rather unfair what you friend is trying to pull on you. You need to explain to her that you love him and don't intend on leaving him. She seems rather selfish and doesn't seem to care much for your happiness. You should tell her that if she wishes to be your friend, she needs to accept the fact that you love him and want to be with him. You've been friends for 7 years so I don't think she'd be willing to throw it all away.

[bzborow1]

Well technically, since you started dating him that OBVIOUSLY means you like him. thereforeeee by your own rule, she can't do anything...........But that rule aside, he's your BF....and she's trying to tell you that you can't be with him because SHE likes him??? C'mon.....that just doesn't make sense....i wouldn't wanna hang around somebody who acts like that.

[TheWolf]

I agree with bzborow100%!

[Meow18]

Thanks for the advice! The thing is, we hang out in groups of people, which I can't really choose not to hang out with her then because the others invite her along. I don't want to say "if she's going, then I'm not" because that would just complicate things for my other friends because then they would have to choose which one of us to invite. Do you think I should just ignore this? She keeps bringing it up now & I tell her that she needs to deal with it.. I know that her & my boyfriend wouldn't end up dating him if I broke up with him because my boyfriend isn't physically attracted to her. He doesn't really like her much because of how she sometimes treats me, but of course he tries to because she is a friend. Breaking up with him is totally out of the question as I have said before. I can't believe she is doing this to me, its totally unfair of her, do you I think I should just ignore her when she's starts saying things about this & stuf?

[Christi84]

Ok, I can kinda see how this rule would apply if there was a guy (that you weren't already dating) and you liked him and then she started to like him too..then by your "rule" neither one of you could really get with him. But the fact that you were with him BEFORE she really knew him and developed this crush totally throws that rule out the window. He's YOUR boyfriend....if she likes him and is jealous..tough luck. Besides...if you broke up with him she couldn't date him anyway because then she'd be breaking the rule by dating a guy YOU like. Of course then she'd probably make up some excuse why the rule wouldn't apply to her. I think you should tell her that what she's saying is unfair and selfish of her and explain why. Tell her that he's already you're boyfriend and although she may "like" him you LOVE him..you're at a level with him that she won't ever be, regardless of what rules you have. She's either going to have to get over it or stop being friends with you. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't care about your happiness? A true friend would.

[Christi84]

P.S. I don't think you should ignore her. Put your foot down..this is YOUR relationship..stand up for it.

[JonnyG]

This sounds like a group of jealous 10 year olds. Seriously go tell her to **** off tbh. This really is immature.

[Meow18]

Thanks Christi for the advice. I don't consider her as good of a friend as I used to because of the way she is. I only hang out with her because my other friends invite her along, which doesn't bother me at all. I know I wouldn't be all that upset if I was to lose her as a friend, however, my other friends are friends with her, which is why I don't want to make her pissed off at me. Cause then it would just cause problems for everyone. Thats why I hang out with her still.

Thanks JonnyG for your advice. I do agree, she's being very immature about this. I want to handle this in the most mature way possible where she won't hate me, but understand that she's wrong in this situation. I will try talking to her about this, even though I already have. I guess there isn't much else to do besides that because there's no way I'm losing my boyfriend over her selfishness.

This rule we made just to not cause any problems with the friendship. Its between all of my friends & we wouldn't want to hurt each other, which is why the rule is helpful, although she is taking it a little too far.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

[modiac]

I agree with everything that's been said. If your friend truly values you as a friend, then she would not be pulling this in the first place. According to her "rule" you are doing no wrong. You've already been with him for so long, and she just started having feelings for him. Definitely don't ignore what she's saying. You need to tell her how it makes you feel and make her realize that she's being a bad friend. And don't forget - with friends it's not quantity, it's quality. My best friends are the ones I've known for the shortest time.

[Meow18]

Thanks for the advice modiac. I should clear this up.. I guess I shouldn't have called her a friend in my original post because really she isn't anymore. She was in the beginning, we were best friends 7 years ago, but that kind of died.. We just hang out in the same group, so its not like I can get her out of my life completely, which is why I called her a friend. I'm not like good friends with all the group of people we hang out in, I'm close with only a couple.. but I still consider all of them to be my friends, even if they aren't good friends.. Does that even make sense?? I do agree, quality is better than quantity, I just don't want to make this hard on my other friends, which is why I don't want to be like "if she's going to be there, than I'm not" because then it will make the others feel like they have to choose which one of us to invite...

She hasn't brought the whole thing with my boyfriend up again, so I guess thats a good sign & she's understanding that she is being selfish in asking me to break up with him. I'm just worried because my boyfriend comes home for the summer this weekend & I'm sure we will be hanging out with my friends a lot. I just don't want my friend to get a bigger crush on him.. I don't think it would be right to not let him hang out with me & my friends, because I want him to, but I don't want her trying anything..

[modiac]

There's no need for you to not hang out with them - I agree with you there. Doing that would just make you appear insecure and immature. If she's not mentioning it anymore, then don't worry about it. You can always keep and eye on her when you're all hanging out and if she pulls anything weird just confront her about it (alone).

 

I know what you mean about kinda friends....one of my friends has a lot of acquaintances but no close friends. It's good to have a lot of people to hang out with, as long as there are a few you're close to.

 

Good luck!

[birdgirl]

What do your other friends think of her behavior? I would refuse to discuss it with her unless my other friends were around. I'd let them hear the stuff she's saying, and hopefully they'll tell her she's nuts. She definitely is nuts.