How should I ask ex to stop talking about me?

[Troublewithgirls]

The problem that I have is that my ex girlfriend is telling everyone that I am her ex. The thing that bothers me is that she's telling people that I don't even know. Just this past Saturday I was at a party and I overheard her talking about me to a guy that I've never seen before in my life (her and I know roughly the same people). Then when I was at a friend's place, one of my friends mentioned that I should go talk to my ex. This wouldn't have been weird if I had known that my friend had known about my ex and I but I didn't and it threw me off guard.

 

The weird thing is that although she's telling everyone that she's my ex, she's quite cold. I said hi but she gave me a weird face and kind of gave me an attitude, along with a hi that she forced out of her mouth. Then was I was leaving, I said bye and she replied with bye but as I was turning my back, she came up to me and wanted a hug.

 

First off, if I was still interested in her, this wouldn't be too much of a problem but the thing is that I am not. Second, I want to confront her and tell her that I would appreciate it if she stopped talking to others about me but I don't know how to approach her about it. Any suggestions?

[cheng]

maybe she's still inlove with you that's why she's acting like that. I can feel that she's bitter about the break-up. i suggest you should talk to her in a very nice way that you will appreciate if she stopped talking about you and discussing to everyone that you are her ex. Maybe it will work that way.

[jenny_mcs]

The problem that I have is that my ex girlfriend is telling everyone that I am her ex.

 

 

I'm not sure I really understand. Is she saying things about you that aren't true? It sounds like you did date, so why don't you want people to know that? I don't see how she is doing anything wrong.

[drewciouS281]

she could still be holding on in her own weird way. some women when deep down they still love, care or want you but see that your not really interested, they will act rude and cold about it to get a rise out of you for attention. Dont fall for it. Just flat out tell her that she needs to keep her mouth shut and that you have no feelings for her whatsoever. Be a grown woman and grow the F up! sometimes they need a good kick with words to the mouth! be straitforward but not tooo straitforward.

[Troublewithgirls]

I'm not sure I really understand. Is she saying things about you that aren't true? It sounds like you did date, so why don't you want people to know that? I don't see how she is doing anything wrong.

 

Don't get me wrong, we did date, it's just that I don't want to be labeled as "X's Ex". I believe that she is also saying things behind my back (she is the type to do this), which might damage how people see me. She also thinks that I used her for the benefits that come with a relationship but I didn't, and I don't want her telling others that I did.

 

My reason for concern is because there is a potential girl that I might want to date but if she already has an image burned in her mind based on what my ex has said, it might be hard to break that mold and show her my true colors. The good thing though is that this particular girl wants to hang out and is quite affectionate towards me so maybe my ex hasn't gotten to her yet.

 

I was thinking about asking her best friend to stop talking about me but I don't know how effective it'll be because her friend also used to like me. As for my ex being bitter, that's exactly what my friend said but I think that she should go about it differently than saying things behind my back.

[WomanWriter]

Sorry, dude, but you really have no right to expect her not to refer to you as her ex. You can try to ask her to stop, but if she doesn't, you're just going to have to ignore it.

 

You have a right to pursue this new girl and she has a right to see the break-up in her own way and talk to people about it if they are willing to listen. As long as she is not telling straight up lies about your or gossip, etc., it's really not within your control. Since you ARE her ex, she has every right to say so and to vent about you with her friends. You may not like it, but she doesn't like the break-up. It doesn't all get to be your way.

 

If the new girl has a bad image of you, don't be defensive...just try to counteract the image by being the best guy you can be to prove the image wrong. If the image is accurate, you might want to reflect on yourself a bit about whether you are ready for another relationship yet?

[bigcream55]

I agree with womanwriter. My ex did the SAME thing and wanted me to stop talking about her and telling people she was my ex.

 

She was somehow embarased that she dated me, and I somehow ruined her image amongst her real friends because she dated such an older guy.

 

My ex did use me for my money, but I didnt walk around telling people that. I just said " hi, im X's ex" LOL

[lookingforhope]

It sounds like she's still stuck on you, and this is her way of perpetuating the relationship. It sounds like you guys are relatively young, and this seems to be a relatively young woman's game. If you are an attractive guy, she might be mentioning you as her ex to other guys because she thinks it makes her more attractive by association. It's also very possible that she knows you don't like this, and that her talking about you will eventually come back to you through your circle of friends, and, hence, set up a scenario where you will be forced to talk to her about it (which is what she probably wants).

 

There are two ways to go here:

1. Ignore it, and her, and move on with your life, regardless of how often what she says comes back to you.

2. Call her on the phone and ask her to please stop talking about you. remind her that they are your friends too and that anything she tells them in the way of a lie, will only make her look bad.

 

In a breakup, there's always the puppy dog, and that's her right now. the sooner she moves on with someone else, the sooner she'll stop talking about you. But in the meantime, get on with your own life, and if that means making some new friends, get on it!

[bigcream55]

I don't understand why it should bother you in the slightest bit. She is YOUR ex. It's a fact. It didnt bother you when she told people she was your girlfriend when you dated, so why should it bother you that she tells people she's your ex. I dont get it.

 

I could care less about any of my ex's telling other people we use to date. After all, it's a fact. Nothing to be ashamed about in my opnion.

 

Just ignore it and move on. You cant control her.

[Troublewithgirls]

I think you guys are missing the point. She IS the type to gossip, spread lies, and say negative things about people. I don't care if she refers me as her "ex" if I'm there talking with the person that she is talking to or if my name comes up in the conversation but is it really necessary for her to talk about me when the subject that her and the other person is talking about is completely irrelevant to me? I don't know why she puts me into her conversations with others when her and I don't talk anymore. We've been broken up for more than a year now and I'm sure that she's had another BF so why can't she just talk about him?

 

For the record, I don't mind if she talks about me as long as it isn't a lie or something that will make me look bad. However, she told me plenty of bad things about her friends when we were together and I'm sure that she won't stop with me just because I was her BF.

[Troublewithgirls]

Oh, and I know lots of people that she is not associated with so staying away from her hasn't been a problem. We NEVER see each other and even if we do, she doesn't say anything and acts like as if I'm not even there until I say something.

[lookingforhope]

Dude, she still digs you, that's why she's ding this. This isn't rocket science. If you don't like it then ask her to stop, otherwise ignore it and move on.

[Troublewithgirls]

Dude, she still digs you, that's why she's ding this. This isn't rocket science. If you don't like it then ask her to stop, otherwise ignore it and move on.

 

Some people don't know everything there is to female behavior and I happen to be one of these people so sorry that you wasted your time coming in here to tell me that my issue isn't rocket science.

 

Looks like I'll just confront her.

[lookingforhope]

Sorry, didn't mean to come off like a douche. it just seems like she's being silly and clearly getting the reaction she wants out of you. I think you're sweating it a bit too much and should just talk to her.

 

Just know that even though what she's doing is annoying to you, she's doing it out of feelings for you, so go easy...

 

Good luck.

[jenny_mcs]

 

Looks like I'll just confront her.

 

I really don't see that going well. Seems like a lot of drama. You can't control what people talk about. Also, maybe I missed something in your posts, but has she actually even said anything bad about you? I got the impression from your posts that you think she *might* say something. So you are going to "confront" her. This is what I call borrowing trouble.